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Short Stories - Reviews |
Tired Of You by August Nyghts (1) "Damn girl. You go. Write on..." -- Tessa. Racing by August Nyghts (1) "I see, someone has wronged you too. Dirty turds!!! Love that!" -- Tessa. In Soulitude by August Nyghts (2) "Beautifully realized images ..." -- Judith Goff. "I agree with Judith..." -- Tessa. In My Garden by August Nyghts (4) "Lovely!" -- mattie walters, va. "Nice place you have built and described for us. Good work." -- Just A Guy. "Thank you mattie and Just A Guy, I appreciate your thoughts. thanks again" -- August Nyghts, detroit, mi, usa. "How beautiful a place... This is wonderful, August! I'll be reading more!!!" -- Tessa. Random Acts by Peter Rivendell (4) "Peter, very impressive ... very much how a lot of people must feel in this very uncertain world we live in!" -- Judith Goff. "Peter... as one who was military during that damn Nam thing, this echos some all too familiar feelings. Am I reading your intention correctly? Very descriptive! Very engaging. Thanks." -- James E, Tallahassee, FL, USA. "I am happy if anyone finds meaning in my "work". I`m thrilled if this poem touched you. Thanks." -- Peter Rivendell. "i'm glad i have insomnia when i get to read quality work like this." -- Daniel. Your Gonna Miss Me by Ralph R Martinez (1) "i miss u alot alot bushra" -- fakhershami, karachi, sindh, pakistan. Whispers On The Wind by Judith Goff (14) "I have come back and read this one several times. There is something I don't like about it, but I don't think it is in the writing, I think it might be in what is written. If that be the case I think it qualifies as a disturbingly well written piece." -- Sylvia. "Sylvia ... I DO hope it is not the writing that disturbs you, I hope it is my vision ..." -- Judith. "I'm really quite sure, having gotten more sleep, it is the vision. You don't need to worry." -- Sylvia. "And such a deliciously spooky vision it is. " -- Just A Guy. "Thanks, JAG!!!!!" -- Judith. "Whew, Sylvia!!!!!" -- Judith. "Theres only one thing I dont like about this poem: I didnt write it! " -- doc byron, vincennes, ind, usa. "Thanks, Doc ... hope you are feeling better!" -- Judith. "Judith, I must admit your topics are different from what I'm used to ... but your writing skills are so amazing u can almost "taste" it! Wonderful Job" -- Dennis Kanan. "I hope it "tastes" good, Dennis!!!!! Thank you!!!" -- Judith . "One can close their eyes and be there, great vision thanks for taking me along...I do love and admire your writing" -- mandi, va. "Thank you Mandi ... St Augustine is my inspiration, glad you can 'see' it too!" -- Judith. "Wow...wow...wow....wow!!!!!!!! Such a powerful piece, superbly written." -- Michelle. "Michelle, thank you, it is wonderful when a piece strikes home!!" -- Judith. Weep by Kendra Johnson (2) "If you want anyone to read your work, fix the typo in the description." -- Sylvia. "Firstly, this poem is a clever idea quite well executed. Well done. But, to echo the above point, if you make mistakes, people notice the mistakes, if you don`t, people notice your work. So if I were you, I`d keep working on this one, for instance, the two parts of the first line are repetition - you`re saying the same thing in different ways; the Love falls to Broken`s arms line needs more thought. And check your spelling and punctuation. But, this is interesting and worth the work." -- Peter Rivendell. This Man Of Mine by Judith Goff (8) "My, my, my - sounds like someone's in LOVE, at least in lust. Waiting for the blow by blow description. Passion just leaps out in this. Thanks for warming this dreadfully cold day." -- Just A Guy. "You're welcome, JAG ... and thank YOU ... whatever this is , it DOES heat up a cold day " -- Judith. "Secret:you inspired "my desire" to be written this morning. Dark eyes, lips shaped to kiss, warming, melting in my hand, sweet. What can I say, I felt the desire. I had to wait till you read it though to tell you I had a hard time focusing on the meaning, or you would have thought I didn't like this one. Guess my mind was elsewhere.LOL" -- Sylvia. "Chocolate is ALWAYS a girl's best friend! Glad I could inspire you to think "sweet" thoughts, Sylvia!!! " -- Judith. "Right you are Judith. Lust or love, it's all good!!" -- JM. "I see lots of passion in this one...and of love or lust...better when it's both (in my opinion) :)" -- mandi. "Hey stranger! Absolutely beautiful and passionate!" -- Monte. "Lovely! hmmm such a delicious guy! Great work" -- Avis, India. The Two Evils by Stuart Eric Longridge (2) "Still on the war thing i see,your not gonna leave it are you?And why should you my friend,not till people see the real truth.And they will when our heros turn on us.Your writing is improving." -- Texas Tom, Land of the free. "this is terrible about how the court work or is war." -- Jeanette . Tardy by Flipanmc (2) "You're stuff cracks me up!" -- tessa. "Interesting. " -- Patrick . Super Bowl High by Judith Goff (7) "Congratulations to you and the rest of the diehard Bucs fans Judith!! Do you think there's any hope for our less than beloved Lions (LOL)?? ps. Speaking of Florida, it's Three weeks til Daytona!!! " -- JM. "The defense won it fair and square. Congrats. By the way, I had the 'over' and won easily. JM---I'm from Detroit and the Lions suck." -- R. Bennett Okerstrom. "Nothing compares to the euphoria of victory - kinda gets you tingling all over huh - no, not like that but pretty neat anyhow. Cherish it babe, STEELERS win next year - yeah, right." -- Just A Guy. "I'm stuck in Bill's country. Glad to know someone had a reason to cheer. Congrats" -- Sylvia. "Hey Sylvia, at least your not stuck in Lion's country. R. Bennett I agree with you 100%. The Lions do suck! " -- JM. "Thanks, all of you, for the pat on the back. I can't express what this has meant for Tampa Bay after 26 years of disappointment!!!!! And yes, Dennis, I had goosebumps ALL OVER my body when that last TD was scored in the last few seconds!!!" -- Judith. "Huge sports fan here!!! Very optimistic to read something that wasn't sinister from you Judith... I thought you might write something about killing all the Raider's or something... It was very enjoyable and a fun reading!!! (America's Team -- Dallas Cowboys -- Da Boys 4 Life!)" -- Reagan Rothe, H-Town. Summer Squeeze by August Nyghts (1) "Love this too. Especially the part where the scent drifts into your night. " -- Tessa. Suicide by M Q Walters (9) "Mattie, I sincerly hope this piece is more on a statement about suicide than something you really think about! No one owns anyone in this world, if God does not mess with a man's free will who is anyone to keep you from yours! Your Freedom is within your grasp all you need to do is reach out and take it! God Bless & Keep you safe and whole!" -- Monte. "Thank-you Monte..only a statement about standing on the edge." -- mattie. "Why would anyone stay in such an ugly place...freedom is in walking away, why do you live with those demons, by doing so you create your own hell...I love you mattie" -- mandi. "And what of your demons Mandi, are you not creating a hell of your own? Something to think about." -- mattie. "I dance with my demons..." -- mandi. "life is a gift, dear! As irrational as it can be, always a gift. As desperate as we may be, always a gift! There are things in life that should not even been said,or written unless you do it as a "letting go" process! Sometimes we do have to throw up our inner demons, I fully agree on that! And writing is an art, sometimes a mistery! We write about feelings, about lives! Glad it was only a statement. Don't go any further!" -- dri cook. "Dri...Writing about it is my own way of somehow being able to cope with lifes hardships...feelings and actions are not the same...I often stand on the edge" -- mattie. "Hi Mattie,I just wanted to review one of your older poems.I thought this piece was very powerful and emotional.I truly believe that the majority of us stand on the edge of suicide at one point in our lives.I know I've stood on that edge many times myself.But I truly hope that because this piece is written in the past you now stand in the sunshine with a big smile on your face instead of on the edge with a frown. " -- David D. "David...I always stand on the edge...of something! I am not always so glum. I do smile and laugh. I think somewhere I have said, I write more often when I am down. It helps me to cope and to put my feelings into words. Words on paper, often words no-one wants to hear, or certainaly do not listen to. As always, Thank you David, and I have have also enjoyed reading your posts very much. :) " -- mattie. Standing On The Edge Of Depression by R Bennett Okerstrom (19) "Well done R. Bennett! This is certainly something I can relate to. I will weather my storm too. I have become quite the fighter. Thanks!" -- JM. "A testament to the resiliency of the human spirit ... excellent work, R Bennett" -- Judith. "Thanks you two. Times are sometimes tough, yet I always make it through." -- R. Bennett. "Nice job RB - and the world will be shaking." -- Just A Guy. "I like this, except for the last line. Why would you want to be feared?" -- Molly B. "R. Bennett, the excellence of your work shows what a gifted person you are. You are destined for great success! Hang in there!" -- JM. "And I know something about standing on the edge...nice work" -- mattie, va. "Molly: It has personal meaning." -- R. Bennett. "I see. I was thinking that maybe I'd interpreted it too literally. At any rate, I did like it. I've read a lot of your pieces and like most of what I've read. " -- Molly B. "great piece! I particularly like the last line in the second paragraph. I can REALLY relate to that." -- August, MI. "Thanks Molly and August. I appreciate your positive comments." -- R. Bennett. "Very nicely done." -- Mistina. "Thanks Misti. I refuse to allow the big "G" to drag me down." -- R. Bennett. "I was hoping you weren't going to keep all those demons locked up over time, 'cause they can grow pretty ugly...good mental work!" -- Mia Angello, WI. "I don't usually have demons locked up. I usually write them away or play them away on the soccer field or ice rink. This particular piece was necessary at the time." -- R. Bennett . "i know all about standing on the edge...i like this poem alot...another great piece..." -- kat, Aust.. "Thanks yet again..." -- R. Bennett. "R, I like how specifically you articulated a broad wealth of emotions; metaphorically contained, subdued and persevered. I am sure that this would touch many people and challenge them to be survivors." -- Royal D. "Thanks Royal. I wrote this when my job was really pushing me to my limits. Unfortunately it hasn't gotten any better over the past four years and now as we enter 2008 I am once again standing on that edge..." -- R. Bennett. Spoon by Tessa (11) "Whoa momma - felt a bit like a voyeur it was so descriptive. Love the afterglow." -- Just A Guy. "It was my pleasure. I'm still basking in it... The poem, that is. ;)" -- Tessa. "very nice. big spoon and little spoon could be the title to part 2. cheers" -- August. "One of my favorite things to do. Nice expressive work." -- R. Bennett Okerstrom. "Wow. Can I spoon with you? I've read your other works and you are a very passionionate writer- keep venting because I can really feel what you write, and it's been a pleasure. Thank you." -- M. "Splendid! My favorite of your works! I am reading your poems and hope to see more like this. " -- Ben. "Thanks Ben! Yeah, this one and Craving are my two faves." -- Tessa. "I have to say that this poem is EXCELLENT!! You have the ability to have your readers feel what you feel. Why have you stopped writing? If you are on another site, let me know so I can read more!" -- James H. "Wow, thanks for the kind words James. I don't know when you wrote that, but yeah, I took a bit of a hiatus from this site. I have found another muse..." -- Tessa. "And repeat!" -- michael, detroit, mi, usa. "Yeah... I'm feeling the need to release some thoughts again... Soon, maybe. " -- Tessa. Sleep Wars by Flipanmc (4) "How funny! Totally reminded me of school daze! Thanks for the laugh today! Write on!" -- Tessa. "Oh Boy, brings back memories - can't sleep and miss out on things can we. Nice break for a cold winters day." -- Just A Guy. "This reminds me of one of my friends. Her parents hated me, but she was my friend every other day. Sweet and sour is what she was. " -- Jack. "From one insomniac to another, I've been in college for five years, and I still stay up late and skip school for sleep. Thanks for the smile on my face." -- Raven, Las Cruces, NM. Slave by Rae (3) "Hmmmmmmmm can u give me a hint?" -- Michelle. "oh, no cheating, young lady. " -- rae. "Great work! Really! ... as for the mystery ... ;), u know!" -- Dennis Kanan. Scarecrow by David B Doc Byron (3) "Do I sense a pattern here? Is life really that hopeless?? Great work! " -- Judith. "Made me feel for the damn scarecrow - good work." -- Just A Guy. "Is this the lead-in song for the musical "Strawman" on broadway?? hehe I loved the story "strawman"." -- Michelle. Soon by L A Winterburn (4) "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww so sweet honey! " -- me. "and PS I love you." -- me. "another cliche.it's lovely and very similiar to many other love poems i have read. i guess it most mean a lot to you." -- lori-ann. "liked this except the last line which seemed to be forced for rhyme. i think it should just end 'And soon i'll be there'" -- just a guy. Primal by Judith Goff (6) "Very different and very good Judith! I liked the simple play on words to communicate the idea of Primal feelings!" -- Monte. "Thank you, Monte ... was fooling around with words and this happened!!!" -- Judith. "I don't understand some of your work, Judith. Yet all of it draws me to it (geez, what do u put in there?!) GREAT!" -- Dennis. "Well all i can say is great piece, looks simple but im sure it was not.ps very horny." -- Stuart Eric Longridge. "Dennis, I'm weaving a spell to ensnare you !!! LOL Thank you again for the positive comments!" -- Judith. "Stuart, Thanks again, now read 'Do You Feel Me' then tell me what you think (;o)" -- Judith. Opening Up by Peter Rivendell (3) "Vivid picture, nice job." -- Just A Guy. "I guess job was the wrong word. I'm sure many, many can relate to this." -- JAG. "Great images ... I have been there too!" -- Judith. Millineums Later by David B Doc Byron (5) "Doc, really liked this, lots of emotion. Just a couple suggestions!! Fourth line first verse ... How about, "Found some letters for you, too" That way you don't have to use "you" twice to keep the rhyme. Also, if you lose the "so" in the second line, second verse, it flows better (:o) This is powerful, Doc, and I just hope it isn't your reality ..." -- Judith. "I'm with Judy, hey, I know how to pick em. Guessing this is pretty real, sucks doesn't it. " -- Just A Guy. "Yes it does suck" -- Michelle. "Oh I re-read this and was afraid that u may think I meant your poem sucked. But not at all, I thought it was beautiful Doc. I was referring to what JAG said." -- Michelle. "I can TOTALLY relate to this. I like the style too." -- Molly B. Makes No Difference by Pearl S (1) "Everything makes a difference. Take pride on being different, so easy being part of the herd. Touching piece." -- Just A Guy. Iraq Attack Part 2 by Stuart Eric Longridge (19) "Perhaps people who disagree aren't ignorant, could be the things we see are digested in a different light. I won't call you names, say you're stupid. I think you're misguided but you're entitled and perhaps I'm the one seeing the incorrect answer but the biggest flaw i see in your hypothisis is there would have to be simply too many people involved for it to remain under wraps. I guess we'll just have to see." -- Just A Guy. "I think people are calling your veiw point ignorant for a reason. I dont think anyone using the word ignorant is trying to offend or put down, They are trying desperately to wake you up. If people dont wake up and stop listening to what they are told then we are all going to pay for it in the end. For you it does not matter who is right or if people believe crazy things... but for those who are beginning to understand the truth, life can not continue untill everyone else also begins to do so ... for we are living with out our freedom." -- Bridget, Dunedin, New Zealand. "Bridget, you're assuming that my thoughts are based solely on stories fed to me by the gov't. Could it be I've looked at this from many angles, just reached a different conclusion than you. It always amuses to have people who have closed minds say it's the others who are closed because they don't agree with them. Isn't it possible, you're wrong." -- Just A Guy. "Im actually not calling anyone ignorant,the word is supposed to be adverts as in the flood of filth on our Tv sets which keep us all in a state of robotic consumeing (my shight spelling again)and blind obeidience,im not about insulting anyone i could do that a lot harsher but thats not me,im just trying to introduce people to another direction of thinking,because if you think about it,as soon as we start school our complete perception of this world is in the hands of the organisations in control and they can feed us a version of the world best suited to whatever agenda they have in mind,a bit like complete lifetime propaganda,im talking about the people who base their whole idea of how the world is on the fucking souless ,shallow,subliminal,harmfull,gore that reaches us and our families in our homes twenty 4 hours a day,it is deliberatly altering our view of events and we let it we even love it and most dont gave a toss.Prime example the tripe about Bush being a born again Christian,HA DONT START ME ABOUT THEM.You seem like an intelligent bloke just a guy,thanks for your review.let me know if you have some pieces i would like to read some.Check out my other ones above C YA" -- Stuart the writer of this, Belfast, N ,Ireland. "If any one is wondering how they keep something like this under wraps then do some research into Freemasonry,from an independant source,read something by an ex Mason and your eyes will be opened,be prepared to be shocked at how this world has been run and who by for centuries.Or actually just read something on David Icke.But stop whineing and do some reseach people." -- Texas tom, The land of the free. "Belfast, N. Ireland. That explains it all. No wonder this guy is such a moron. If anyone should take a look at what they are doing, those in N. Ireland are the forerunners. Jeeze. Go kill some more kids on their way to school you IRA bastard." -- Nikolai Khabibulin. " khabibulin, americans like you are the type that make the rest of them look bad, Did your mum feed you coca-cola when you were a baby cause it is proven that only in America a Lot of woman actually do that to their babies...In one can 10 spoons of sugar that will fuck you up...I worked in saint thomas for a while and a lot of your "kind" we're asking me clever questions like does the island move a lot throughout the year and I always liked awnsering things like "no it's anchored with strong chains at the bottom of the ocean" And I swear they beleived it. some others wanted to take some "Blue water frome the ocean" back home... Hey did you know that Canada was the Big Fucking country just above yours...Just asking cause 1 out of 3 don't even know or thinks it's the 51st state or something... Do you have a passport..probably not cause only 5 % of all of you will ever get out of that country...it's so fucking trashed, every time I was there I couldn't wait to get out... How can you cope... I was driving from New-Hampshire to Boston and there was so many junk food wrappers on the Highway that I could'nt evne see the grass in the middle... You can't even swim in the ocean without getting a rash... O yeah did you know that there is actually more gun shops then gaz stations in the US... Fucking amazing You guys don't need any terrorists.. your destroying yourselves and you don't even realise it. " -- Matt, Canada. "I'm not from the USA, eh?" -- Nikolai. "Oh Canada, your pathetic native land. True native love, from all the inbred French. With glowing hearts, we hope and pray, the US doesn't fall. From far and wide, Oh Canada you'll all get blown to Hell. God keep your land, glorious and FREE, Oh Canada the US stands on guard for thee. Oh Canada, the US stands on guard for thee. " -- USMC-01. "Just a Guy...I didnt think you had a closed mind...i quite liked the way you thought....I was just explaining why people were calling you ignorant, im sorry if i offended you. " -- Bridget. "P.S i think you boys are ruining this page. What is all that abuse going to achieve?" -- Bridget, N.Z. "So Nicolai, I woke up Angry this morning and deicided to lash it out at you by the doing the same thing as you... I asumed you were american because of your arrongance...The problem is there is way too much judgement in this world... You don't know Stuart and yet judge him and what he says, for where his comes from.... I am sorry if I offended anyone with my comments about Americans although everything I said is true and by the I don't live in Canada anymore because it is pathetic... Evrything is given to you over there yet everyone complains..." -- Matt, Canada. "I hate to do this, really I do, but it seems to me every person to have written an opinion on this piece should appologize. We are not here to argue over whether a piece is pollitically correct. We are here to read it, and think. The last line basically is telling, simply, to learn more. We, as Americans, seem to forget some basic things. We are not always the good guys. I am not saying we should sit back and allow injustice without restitution. The attacks were wrong. Period. Nothing will change that, but are we always right? E Pluribus Unum-Out of many, one. Many opinions, many thoughts, one country. Maybe we need to take responsibility for our own personal acts of terrorism. I might not agree with the opinion, but I believe he has the right to express it." -- Sylvia. "nickolai.. i dont like to be drawn into petty arguments regarding the prose of mr longridge,but being as i am also from belfast i found your remarks to be hurtful,small minded and ill concieved.as sylvia rightly says,stuart has the right to freedom of speech.and with a name like yours i am guessing that you are commie who wears one of those fur hats,eats turnips and gets the cattle prod by the kgb if you dare to question the establishment. one love,rimm " -- rimm, london, england. "Its strange when you make an effort to try and write something that you really feel for ,something passive,anti war ,anti slaughter,anti genocide,ANTI TERRORIM and peace orientated especially about another people across the world.And then some kind of little brained mammal shuffles along and accuses you of being some sort of Irish killer.Its great how worms are attracted to a certain vibration if directed at them.I was wondering nicolai,when the maker was giving out souls,were you the person at the back with your hand between your butt cheeks,pulling out ass fluff ,wondering how many polar neck jumpers it would knit for your family of fruit flys for the winter that live in the hole in your brain?Dont take that personally,i just cant believe you ,at least you gave many people a laugh.Ill just leave you with a quote from the great Chinese philosopher Confucius WHEN LITTLE TINY MAMMAL LEAVES ITS HOLE AFTER HIBERNATION,BEFORE GATHERING ANY FOOD ,IT MUST FIRST TAKE A GOOD SHIT.Strain your brain hard on this but dont follow through.PS.PUT DOWN YOUR BIBLE ,PICK UP A DICTIONARY AND LOOK UP THE WORD PROTESTANT Nanno Nanno." -- Stuart the writer, Belfast , N Ireland. "I find what is written here as totally disgusting and degrading to animals.I myself have searched in my ass and can only find enough fluff to knitt one sock for my pet worm,his little smile is enough to last me an eternity,his little yearning gasp of pleasure made my life worth living.Im so happy i think i will start writing.Such an inspiration Stuart,such. " -- Texas Tom, So-called Land of the free. "Im so glad, ya nutt." -- Stu writer. "300,000 strong ready to wage war against the evil known as Saddam. Semper Fi. " -- USMC01. "Well i hope everyone has had fun,it was a nice little party.Some people are so immune to violence through their many wasted hours in front of their great digital electric dictators that theyre dripping spit in exitment at the thought of going in to try out new toys.Well as someone said you are in for a nasty shock when you discover what your born again christian nazi president is really up to.All i hope is that i implanted a little seed of truth.Enjoy the slaughter morons." -- S.E.L, Belfast. Imaginary Lover by Judith Goff (10) "Damn, hate those wake up calls - let the girl sleep - like to hear more of her dreams." -- Just A Guy. "Sometimes awakenings are very rude indeed, JAG ... this girl would love to return to that dream" -- Judith. "Awwwwwww Judith I loved this!!!!!! Nice style, too :)" -- Michelle. "Thanks, Michelle, as always ..." -- Judith. "Hey Babe! I loooooooove your dreams! I hope you have some more soon, and wake up to find your dream guy is really there! Good stuff!" -- david doc byron, vincennes, usa, ind. "Hi Doc! Thank you! I hope you are feeling better! As for my dream guy, sometimes dreams are all we have ...." -- Judith. "That's it. That's it. I have to get off this damn diet. (eats a chocolate kiss, feels better, goes back to the poem again)I don't claim to know a lot about how poems are supposed to be put together, but there is music in your words. Sweet, seductive music." -- Sylvia. "Sylvia, this is such a great review ... no greater compliment could exist than this; "but there is music in your words. Sweet, seductive music." Thank you!" -- Judith. "I meant it. I wouldn't have written it if I didn't." -- Sylvia. "Hmmm!Those dreams again,i can nearly feel it." -- Stuart Eric Longridge. He Whispers by Tessa (12) "I like it as it is but maybe you want to put another one up without. " -- Just A Guy. "I was thinking the same... but I wonder if it will change the effect I was trying to get across of these feelings being "always on my mind"?!?!" -- Tessa. "Well Tessa, if you have them both up people will tell what they think. Mostly good folks around here it seems." -- JAG. "I thing one "He whispers" per line, rather than two. Doesn't change the seduction of it, but offers less repetition. Maybe "He whispers, whispers". I like it though." -- Sylvia. "Thanks for the suggestion Sylvia! I think it flows better now!" -- Tessa. "Any time. I like it better too. Glad I was able to help." -- Sylvia. "I liked this a lot! Didnt see it in its original form, but I like it like this. I like the idea of someone whispering to your subconscience ;)" -- Michelle. "Nice work again Tessa. You must have a good source of inspiration. I typically write without specific inspiration these days, but there are enough dark thoughts in my head to write for a very long time. Thanks for the reviews!" -- R. Bennett Okerstrom. "My inspiration has got my creative juices flowing... " -- Tessa. "I like these kind of whispers! Good stuff. By the way, if you liked my story, ''Pulp Affliction,'' check out my new one, ''Podunk.'' Doc" -- david ''doc'' byron, weirdsville, usa, ind. "very sensual, i like it." -- August. "i like it.its better then my peoms. i think my peoms are weird. lol but i guess its just cuz i made them. but yours are good mine are just about my life and depressen." -- angel tears, oklahoma, oklahoma city, USA. Games by Judith Goff (15) "This guy sounds like a rat, Judith." -- JM. "Perhaps, JM, but I share the blame for this one ..." -- Judith. "Sometimes we don't even know it's a game until it's too late. There are no winners here are there? Sorry, Judith." -- JM. "Like I always say, breaking up should be permanent." -- R. Bennett Okerstrom. "Sorry to hear Judith - turn on the charm, the next one could just be mr. right. Sad isn't it, the worse the situation the easier to write about it. And written excellently as usual." -- Just A Guy. "Sometimes it has to be, R Bennett" -- Judith. "Thanks, JAG, always appreciate your comments ..." -- Judith. "The games we all play. What I have never understood is why we play the games with the people we should care about the most. Doesn't seem fair. "It has a good beat, and I can dance to it" I warned you I would write that some day." -- Sylvia. "Yes, you certainly did!!! Just curious, though, is the beat more Salsa or Samba, or perhaps a clog-dance??? LOL!!! " -- Judith. "Steel drums anyone?" -- Sylvia. "I never thought I would say this, but R. Bennett you are absolutely right! The events of my evening confirmed that for me. " -- JM. "Had no idea this would cause such a reaction! This guy was someone from my past, someone I should have known better than to trust again ... once a player always a player, I guess. He's gone now to NYC so at least there will be no 3rd try! And yes, JM, R Bennett is right, breaking up SHOULD be permanent!" -- Judith. "Yep. Don't make the same mistake twice. " -- R. Bennett. "You are so right Judith! Once a player always a player!" -- JM. "Nice work Judith...we're all guilty of games now and again :)" -- Michelle. Frightbaby by David B Doc Byron (5) "*with that terrible sound you make!* Good line, but it needs something. How about "a terrible sound you do make." Don't know. I really like your interpretation of a nursery rhyme for a "Frightbaby". I would tell it to my little ghouls. " -- Sylvia. "I agree with Sylvia about that one line, maybe "What a horrid sound you make"??? ... other than that this is "pure" Doc, and that is a VERY GOOD thing!!!" -- Judith. "Wondering if you know my ex - great fun, not her, this story" -- Just A Guy. "What's that mean JAG? How would he know ur ex?? lol" -- Michelle. "good...the ending paragraph is weak though...cut daydreams and leave only dreams...." -- sunny, dc, usa. Dreamscape: The Thirst by R Bennett Okerstrom (7) "Boy, have I had some times like this!! In my distant past, of course!! Good one!!!" -- Judith. "The dream almost seems real. It's a good thing I have bottled water in the fridge!" -- R. Bennett . "An oasis, for certain !!!" -- Judith. "Been there...done that! Nice Work!!!!" -- Michelle. "Happens a lot around here...." -- R. Bennett. "I dig this poem; but think it's unnecessary to say hungover again...it might be more meaningful in different ways not to say that...would give it deeper meaning. Just a suggestion. " -- Mia Angello. "The "hungover again" line refers to the root cause of the dream sequence that takes place in the kitchen. At the end, one could assume that the entire dream takes place because of the thirst generated from drinking too much the night before falling asleep. I guess it could be taken out...but I'll leave it in for now. :-)" -- R. Bennett. Detroit Begging by Tessa (8) "Tessa, I understand your annoyance, but be glad it's not you out there. Have you read any of R. Bennett Okerstrom's work? He is an excellent writer and has a few pieces about the homeless in Detroit." -- JM. "I was just about to say that myself! Thanks JM!" -- R. Bennett Okerstrom. "I know, I'm glad it's not me out there. But, this is the same guy I give 1/2 a sandwich to almost once a week! I wrote this on a REALLY cold day when he bugged the crap out of me (and my co-workers). And yes, I've read R. Bennett Okerstrom's work (I see he agrees with you that he's an excellent writer- Just kidding RBO!) I love everything he's written!" -- Tessa. "Let's drop a beat to that and we've got a hit rap song. Very nice. Rhymes were great. What do you think? MC Tessa so don't messa? J/k. Keep writing tose poems. You have the touch for it." -- FlipanMC. "Hmmmm... a rap, huh... Guess it does have a nice beat to it... Maybe Arrested Development will pick it up! HA!" -- Tessa. "I liked this a lot and I don't think for a minute you're uncaring or cruel. Some days you just feel a certain way and good for you, you write it down and probably go back to giving again." -- Just A Guy. "Please don't misunderstand me Tessa, I spend a lot of time downtown and see these people all the time. R. Bennett has the best response I have ever heard in his piece "Downtown: Do You Have A Quarter?" Thank you R. Bennett! :-)" -- JM. "JM- It's all good, I know what you're saying and I totally agree with you about R. Bennett's piece on the subject. " -- tessa. Deathchant by David B Doc Byron (4) "Doc, how dreary!!!! But good!!!" -- Judith. "I hope you're wrong, I think. Be really cruel if we did rise but in the state we were when we left. Loved this one." -- Just A Guy. "I like this one...hope you're wrong though. I'd hate tho think it's all for nothing Doc." -- Michelle. "Hit it right on the spot Doc!!! Nice job... I will be randomly going thru your work over the next week, looking forward to reading more of your stuff... If you get a chance, indulge in "Dark Days" or my poems ---" -- Reagan Rothe, H-Town. Craving by Tessa (14) "Tessa, Good stuff here! The muse bites hard and fast sometimes and you have to get it all while you can!!! " -- Monte. "Thanks Monte! I appreciate the vote of confidence. I haven't written in awhile and this was something that I needed to get out of me." -- Tessa. "Tessa ... VERY hot and very good ... you may enjoy some of my work, such as "Do You Feel Me" and "Spontaneous Combustion"!!" -- Judith Goff. "Hot, hot, hot - painted the pic so clearly, nice job." -- Just A Guy. "Thanks Judith and JAG- I've read some of your works and have enjoyed them, I'm glad to reciprocate. Judith- I definitely feel you!! JAG- I know how you yearn for the almost attainable."" -- Tessa. "wow this was great!!!! " -- Michelle. "We all crave. As you saw, I picked up on the dual meaning though. Judith however sent me over the edge. Glad I wasn't completely off track. Damn diets! Hope you satisfied your craving, either way. Keep writing, you do it well." -- Sylvia. "Nice work Tessa. I like the style." -- R. Bennett Okerstrom. "A compliment from the Master himself- thanks!" -- Tessa. "Ok. Now the new people are calling me the 'Master'? I'm starting to worry. I'm no master. Thanks though. I'm quite flattered." -- R. Bennett. "excellent piece Tessa, now i have the fever for a flavor..." -- August. "IN 5 MINUTES??? It doesn't show... the best writing EVER in 5 minutes :) !!! I think I'm going to call my horny -ex because I am craving as well... good stuff Tessa!" -- Reagan Rothe, H-Town. "R. Bennett Okerstrom- You're welcome. Your writing is worthy of the compliments you're given. I've enjoyed all of your works and I think you're one of the best writers on this site. August & Reagan- Thanks for the reviews! It feels really good to be able to write something that ignites other people's cravings too!" -- Tessa. "Wow, i agree with Reagan, sept im not craving any, lol, but yeah, 5 minutes? That is amazing. Good work." -- Josh / Axey. Cosmic Chemotheraphy by Stuart Eric Longridge (1) "Easily the best thing Stuart has ever done. An absolute blast. A stunner." -- mahadave. Cheer Up by Stuart Eric Longridge (1) "Your written expression is from a soul that has seen past itself.... The writting, even thru all its rough edges, has a real compassionate concern that comes through. Truth needs to be combined with purpose. " -- C.L. Mareydt. Caress by Rae (3) "Nice play with words ... but as for the meaning ... u lost me there" -- Dennis Kanan. "make of it what you may, nothing concrete here :)" -- rae. "This is great...I love how we, as writers, can take a series of words and make them mean so many different things. Good Job!" -- Michelle. Best Friend by Peter Rivendell (5) "Intereating take an anger and being angry" -- Steven T. "Interesting and on I mean. Sorry Peter, I can't spell today. And don't worry, I'm sure once you start writing more It'll all come back to you slowly but surely. You just have to keep writing" -- Steven T. "I do this, so I notice it. Consider loosing "that" anywhere you can. I use it everywhere, then I delete most of them. I think it takes a lot away from this piece. Keep writing." -- Sylvia. "Sylvia, I`ve revamped it and got rid of (most of) the "thats". I think it makes it stronger - thanks for pointing it out." -- Peter Rivendell. "Sure thing. Glad to help a little. Like I said, I'm notorious for it (or that as the case may be.)God bless "find and replace" in my software." -- Sylvia. 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