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Short Stories - Reviews |
The Dominion by Melissa M Cook (1) "I haven't read the entire script yet,but for what I have read you really capture New York urban street life in your opening shots.It has a grittiness on the style of New Jack city.But I do notice some of your formatting is wrong.Your sluglines-or Headers should all be in caps.Other than that,it's pretty good. " -- Willie Travis Jr, Baton Rouge, La, usa. Begning To Final End by Brahamrishi Bhargava (1) "it is a good story.....creative one" -- Ankit Bhargava, bhopal, Madhya Pradesh, INDIA. Jack Logan And The Doomsday Orbs by Willie Travis Jr (1) "Wow! What another fantastic effort and start to a possible series. I say start because the threat of the Xinn has yet to be eradicated or abolished and it may be that you are able to tell other tales fashioned around Jack Logan. I am simply amazed at the way you are able to intersperse action throughout your scripts. I had this problem with my last attempt, there was action but it wasn't interspersed as thoroughly as you are capable of. In the beginning it took on an Indiana Jones vibe, but then it began to revert to your trademark style. It's a shame that more people don't give your work a read, as I think that they'd be highly and thoroughly entertained. I'll certainly be looking out for your next release as always. You have such a knack for screenwriting and a flair for the fantastic. As always, keep up the magnificence. " -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. Sunday Blues by Ashley N Hudson Hudson (1) "Hi Ashley I love your work. I am an independent film director looking for a new script. Please contact me. Thanks James James Tucker OnWeb Television http://www.onwebtelevision.com http://about.me/james_tucker IMDB - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0875884/ http://www.slated.com/people/14846/ http://thewebseriesshow.com " -- James Tucker, Pasadena, ca, usa. Spiralling Down by D A Ash (3) "holy shit!!!; but did it really happen?" -- minefield. "yes, it is. in fact as R.E.M says - there shae goes." -- D :). "sorry for the spelling error, but it is really me and I have more boring diatribes of a person who has not only seen the zenith, but has also acknowledged all sunrises!" -- D. The Strange Affair Of Master Thomas Wilkerson by Willie Travis Jr (2) "This was a good deal different than your other scripts but it was still a very good effort and well written. While reading it I couldn't help but notice how it would make a perfect episode of something like The Twilight Zone or Tales from the Crypt. It would probably translate on television as a 30 minute episode. I actually didn't know you had this kind of horror streak in you, seeing as how you had previously submitted mostly sci fi and fantasy. It was an altogether well done effort. As always, keep up the magnificence and I'll be looking forward to your next entry." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "This is a well written script. Tight and fast paced. This can indeed look very nice on screen. All the best." -- Alvin Gladstone, India. The Dreamer by Willie Travis Jr (1) "This turned out to be a be pretty good short script. I've never written one before, so I wouldn't necessarily know where to begin in terms of critique, but I can remember reading another of yours (The Doormasters?) and from what I gather you just plot the story around one central theme or something? The theme in this one was immortality and one man's search for immortality and the subsequent trials that presents. I have to say, you executed it pretty well as I did enjoy reading it. On a sidenote, I did buy that screenplay book that you suggested (How Not To Write Screenplays) so perhaps there is something that can guide me on how to write a short screenplay? Oh, and thanks for taking the time to read my short story. Hope this finds you well and I'll be looking forward to your The Vengence of Exodus. " -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. Star Saga: A Clash Of Empires by Michael Harris (11) "Sounds pretty good so far.I've only read page one.Lots of dramatic action,starting out.I'll read more,another night. It's long." -- Willie Travis Jr, B.R. "Hey man, thanks for taking time out to read it. I appreciate it. Also, about your scripts, I noticed that when you reposted a few of them, you left out some words or like things in the title. For "Odyssey of the Guardians," if you change it to "The Odyssey of the Guardians," you'll get all your reviews back. And I'm not too sure about your second script, "The Sword of Light," but I think you had it like this, "The Odyssey of the Guardians: The Sword of Light," so you'd need to place the colon to get your reviews back. Hope it helps." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "Thanks a lot. I had to repost them,after i updated some things on The Oydssey of the Guardians,part one.Somehow part one story content, got merged into Armageddon's story content. I am going to try that,thanks a lot.I'm going to finish reading your new title soon.Thanks again. new story" -- Willie Travis Jr, Baton Rouge, La. "Well, i finally got around to reading your latest installment of Star Saga.It is very good, but just so long.It felt like sitting through a Jerry Bruckheimer production( namely Bad Boys 2)but don't get me wrong, bb2,is a long bad action flick.This script is a lot better,than bb2!I just mean,it's similar in length.But the plot is well thought out.But i do have some criticism:The order to assassinate the royal couple,Fedos and Fedora,sounded kind of harsh,coming from one of the commanders, of the omega squadron. You would have thought,they would have held, some sort of trial for them.To me,it would have seemed,more better for Langdon and co,and his superiors, to take the high road,and ordered them: Fedos AND Fedora, to surrender.And then,had the Antagonists,refuse(as always)and escalate the conflict further,themselves. 2: I feel that there,were to many step by step fight break downs.I have read,that one should try to avoid, a step by step fight break down. Because if your script, is ever bought,the stuntmen,are going to stage and choreograph the fight.So it's best to just write" they fight" and if the fight is long,it can be something along the lines,of like for Example: "After a long,skilled,and difficult battle,our hero,liu kang defeats Shao Khan."I mean that saves you,a lot of pages,so that you can further,focus on plot development,dialogue,and try to get a much tighter,and shorter script.But it is okay,to keep some of the fight details,in the script.Only if it,is a key device.Like for example,: "After a long and Vicious lightsaber duel,Darth Vader sends Luke crashing through an observational window,by way of the force."So all i did, was take out a lot of unneccessary fight desciptions,and used a key word like "vicious" to describe a very intense battle.We let the reader use his imagination,of the moves employed, by both fighters. And yet in the end,i kept the key device"by way of the Force", so in the end, we know he used the force, to " kick luke's butt.So that way, the stuntmen stage the physical combat,but yet your idea, to use the force,stays the key subject.But what can i say? My last script, even went beyond 120 pages.So, thats that. But overall, i enjoyed the story. And i could feel the emotional tension,between Iris and Langdon.And i sense, that you could also,branch out with a possible fourth installment, of the franchise, by bringing the Son,of the Late Fedos and Fedora,into the limelight. Him coming back decades later, when Langdon is an old man,coming back to take Revenge, on the Unisee and the Human Empire responsible, for killing his Parents.But overall, it was quite enjoyable.I am an avid fan of sci fi and fantasy,and they need more good writers out there,to bring new ideas and breathe new life into the genre. I am working on another,script myself,but its nowhere close,to being finished yet.It's another space opera,im endeavoring to craft. Hopefully i will have it finished, by next year. i look forward to reading, your next work.Until next time then." -- willie travis jr, baton rouge, la. "Wow, what a review! First let me say thanks for taking the time out to read my script. I really appreciate it. Like I said in the title description, I know it's long. I had actually endeavored to make this script 120 pages but it was difficult for me to shorten it without telling the story how it was outlined, as I had to juggle several seperate subplots from the previous script(the slaves on Bulgata, the story of the cadets on Delta Moon Base, and the main story arc this time refocusing on Langdon and his cohorts, as well as the resolving of the love triangle). This is only my third script however, and there was years and years between the writing of the first Star Saga and the second (I wrote the original back in 2000) while I only spent about four or five months to write A Clash of Empires after Swarm of the Bulgata. Now on to your criticisms. I had decided early on that this would be the last script in my series involving Fedos and Fedora, and an assasination seemed like the right way to go. I didn't think while writing it that it would seem kinda harsh, but seeing as how it rubbed you that way perhaps others would feel the same. This will be something I think about during a rewrite of the entire trilogy (once I get better at writing scripts and just telling a story in general). If you think about what happened in the first script though, the Bulgata had attacked Earth and eliminated all surface life, so maybe it could be interpreted that the leader of the Earth Empire, Czar Shepard, felt like he needed to just eliminate them instead of offering to put them on trial. I guess it would be kind of like how we are trying to kill Osama Bin Laden instead of giving him a trial. But I do see your point and if you felt that way then maybe others would as well. In terms of the second critcism, yeah, there were a lot of step by step fight descriptions. I had done a bit of research on this aspect of screenwriting and discovered that some screenwriters do it that way and others let the choreographer do it. It would be a heck of a lot easier to just let the choreographer do so, so I'll most definitely try to temper that for my next script. Yeah, and you are right about my plans for a sequel to this story. But I don't know if I want to start that far down the time line for the next script (when Feros, Fedos and Fedora's son, as an adult) or if I want to immediately just have another trilogy focusing on the beginnings of some kind galactic alliance between the Earth Empire and all of the liberated peoples. If I go this route I will probably focus on the resistance the remaining Bulgata colonies pose after the defeat of the commanding couple. But again, I haven't decided on which route to take yet, even though I have a few ideas jotted down for some kind of sequel. Oh, and I'll most certainly be looking forward to your next submission as always. I'm currently working on a script that is fantasy in nature this time. I haven't actually started writing the script yet, but I've got a good idea of the direction I'm going to go in and I've got lots of different character and location names and scenarios. I actually prefer fantasy to science fiction, but this will be my first attempt at a fantasy script, so I'll see how that goes. And I also managed to get a job so I'll be able to buy some books focusing on how to write screenplays. Hopefully that pays off in the end. Ok, this has been way too long. Hope this finds you well and thanks again for taking the time out to read my script. " -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "Hey,sorry about writing such a long review,of your script. Once i get going,i get going,heh heh. But i understand,what you mean,about length.Sometimes in order to tell,a story, the way you envision it,you have to break some of the rules.That's artistic freedom.And i also prefer fantasy, over sci fi.(It's easier to write) You dont have to worry, about the nuts and bolts,of Space travel,and Weapons and stuff.Currently,i am working,on a tale,which for now,is titled:"The Vengeance of Exodus" But don't expect this,one any time soon. well,keep up the good work.Look forward to your next post " -- willie travis jr, baton rouge, Louisiana. "Hey michael.Just saying hello.i haven't been writing anything lately.been so busy.Any new stories on the way? you are pretty good at your craft.Haven't beeen on this site in a while.seems pretty dead.Oh and sorry bout that long review,of your script last time.well anyway,until next time." -- willie, baton rouge, la, usa. "Hey man. It's good hearing from you again. I had a couple of projects that I was working on, but I've put them on hold for the time being. It's like over the years I've started and stopped writing for long periods of time, and it's like I'm at that point of my life again. I don't think the Lord wants me to write at the very least until I get grounded in knowing the Bible (ie his Word) and then I could write Christian fiction. Or at the least that is my hope. Yeah this place is pretty dead, a lot of people are posting mostly songs, very few fiction or screenplay writers are here." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "Hey Michael,whats up?! hope everything has been going well,since we last talked.I have finished up,my latest script,titled:The Strange affair of Master Thomas Wilkerson.Its a supernatural slavery tale,set in the waning days,of the antebellum south.check it out,if you like.until next time." -- willie travis jr, baton rouge, la, usa. "Yeah I see that you posted it in New Titles. I should be able to get to it on Friday, as I don't work on Friday. Until then, take care." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "Thanks for reveiwing my latest script.Glad you liked it.until next time." -- willie travis jr, baton rouge, la, usa. Star Saga: Swarm Of The Bulgata by Michael Harris (9) "Hey,i just got started,reading your sequel,to Star saga.So far, what i read sounds,pretty good.I am not through reading,it yet though.This one is pretty long(even longer than the first,it seems).But although it's long,i admire the way,it's formatted. The Content transition,moves pretty fluidly.The Characters Fedora and fedos,are pretty interesting.Oh yeah,the setup,and the payoff was pretty tight,on the first story also.To be specific,where Langdon,shows his prowess,in using martial arts,against Jesse Faundoo,and before the ending,his skill comes into use,against Ilzar.Good Setup.And,the Character Langdon Hughes...name itself,brings to mind,Langston Hughes. A African American,writer of the lost generation.But anywho.. good work. Hopefully sometime week,after next,i'll be posting, The Oydssey of the Guardians III:Armageddon,on storymania.Feel free to check it out.Well,later! Take it easy!" -- willie travis jr, baton rouge, la, u.s.a. "Hey, man! Thanks for your initial impressions, I'm glad you're liking it so far. Yeah, this script is a bit longer than the first. The reason being is that a lot of people who give hints on how to make scripts would say that it should be 90 pages long, each page equalling a minute, so yeah, this story would translate into an hour and thirty minutes on screen. And thanks for the props concerning the first story, and I'll be looking forward to when you put up your Odyssey sequel." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "Thanks Mr.Harris!!Yea,I finally got around to finishing it up, and posting it on storymania.I'm glad you liked it.Thanks again!And yes,i do intend to revisit,their universe again. I have already,did a backstory,on the pirate Jacksillus (jack for short)Arixxus.It takes place,about a two years, before the events,of the Oyddsey of the Guardians.I have to transfer it,to my laptop still.But not,to worry! I'll get it done soon.and as for,the other story: Jack Logan and the Doomsday orbs..i'm still working on it.Halfway finished though. With this story,i am endeavoring,to create a space opera.This story shall take place in,the forty first century. This is about,a team of Archaeologists,who are forced,to go after the superweapons,left behind by,a race of Aliens,that once,ruled the entire galaxy.Long before man,and the younger races,reached the stars.(Don't want to give,to much away yet.. heh heh)I should be finished,with it soon. Hopefully,by the middle of the month. Oh yeah,i still have to finish reading, star saga 2.I have been so,busy lately.But one day,i shall finish it. Thanks again,for taking interest,in my work. I hope many others,enjoy these tales,i've created also. Thanks again!" -- willie, baton rouge, u.s.a, louisiana. "I just finished reading,Star Saga 2,Swarm of the Bulgata,and i must say,i enjoyed it a great deal!I could picture,the imagery,the Environments,and the people,very well.And the space battles,are epic in proportion.And the romance,between Monafia,Langdon,and Iris,is played out with excellence.But, what i infer,it seems,that the Bulgata menace,are far from over.You seem to have,left room,for a much larger battle,to come,in the near future.Which shall have,to be more darker, chaotic,and grimmer,than this battle.Overall,i give it four stars.Although,i must ask,(don't get me wrong,it's good)but everyone seems,to be of European descent.Where are the other, ethnic groups? But overall,the story is great. Oh,feel free to check out,my new prequel,to the Odyssey of the Guardians Trilogy.It called,The Chronicles of Jack Arixxus.Let me know what you think. Until next time!Keep up the good work!" -- willie travis, baton rouge, u.s.a, louisiana. "Hey, thanks for your comments! Yeah the next installment in the series will be a lot more chaotic, lots of battles spread out in the script. It will be subtitled A Clash of Empires. Amazing how you picked up on that. In terms of the lack of any other ethnic groups, I'm glad you raised this concern. I'm actually of African American descent myself (not mixed) but I guess it's just something that I didn't really think about. In a rewrite of the entire trilogy I'll go back and add some different races, black, asian, etc, and I'll also do it in the sequel. I'll check out your script as soon as I can, I kinda lost access to the Internet (typing this at a library). Until next time then." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. "thanks! Im glad you enjoyed, the Chronicles of Jack Arixxus. Yes, i did, leave it open, for another possible installment. But, that may not, get written, for quite a while.Im nearly, finished, with my Space Opera. But, i have to work, on a few things,involving the ending.You know,like Dialogue,action, and stuff like that.But i'll get around to,it one day.. hopefully soon.I also,look forward to reading,the latest installment,of your space epic:A Clash of Empires. Title sounds great!Oh yeah, i just got back, from watching,Indy 4,for the second time(huge fan)and i must say, it is pretty good.Just had to throw, that in. Well, until next time. Have a wonderful evening,and thanks, for the good review." -- willie travis jr, baton rouge, u.s.a, louisiana. "Thanks Michael.I'm glad you enjoyed my new story.IT took me, a while to finish it.Sometimes it felt, like the neverending story.Forgive the formatting errors,due to typing it on word perfect 12.It kind of messed of the format in certain areas. but as i see people, can still read it, i guess,i'll leave this current story up.I spent hours last night, trying to get into the edit screen, with no success.Sent countless Emails to storymania, about my problem,with it,too. But as i see it is still readable,i'll email them,and tell them to leave it up. Look forward to reading, your sequel as well. For now, i may take a little break, for a while.That is until i have another idea, for a script. Thanks again." -- willie travis jr, Baton Rouge, La. "Hey,Michael. It appears that Storymania,did not read all my Emails the other nigt.So,they read the first Email it seems, and they acted: they took down Jack Logan and the Doomsday Orbs.So,i have justed posted the improved Script,online.Feel free to check it, at your leisure.Same story,just not so many skips in paragraphs,Due to typing in Wordperfect 12.(which i shall never use again.)Look forward to your sequel.Until next time." -- Willie Travis Jr, Baton Rouge, u.s.a, La. "Thanks again for the great reveiw,Mr.Harris.Say,if you would like to further,your knowledge,of interwoving Action,with Dialogue,there is this great little,book i use a lot.It's called:How not to write a screenplay.By Denny Martin Flinn. It helps out a great deal,with creating "Whammies"(Action Sequences)and setups.For example:Meet Protagonists.Meet Antagonists-first whammy!Think Terminator2.Terminator meets T 1000.They fight!That was a whammy.The second whammy was when,they fought again,in the mental ward,while rescuing Sarah Connor.And that whammy,was better,than the first whammy. so,thats just an example,of what this book teaches.I believe that this book,is a must have for any serious screenwriter. Just trying to share,a little wisdom,with a fellow scribe. keep up the good work. " -- Willie Travis Jr, Baton Rouge, La. The Chronicles Of Jack Arixxus by Willie Travis Jr (1) "Well, I must say, this proved to be another highly entertaining and enjoyable read. Great pacing set throughout the story, with exposition and action given pretty much equal consideration. It looked at the end as if it were possible to have yet another story set in this The Chronicles of Jack Arixxus with the Theopian sorcerer trying to redeem himself and getting in adventures with Jacksillus and Brom. In any case, I'll be looking forward to your next entry, whether it'll be in this series or the first installment of the Doomsday Orbs. I'm in the beginning stages of getting my sequel started, but I may work on something else beforehand. In any case and as always, keep up the magnificence." -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. The After Effects Of Love by Jeffrey Lee Williams (1) "Loved it! Kinda creepy and a little funny but well written and the pay off in the end is well worth the read. I would love to make this into a short film. here is a link to my reel:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9r1PO0iRfA I would love to here from you. my email is [email protected]" -- Jon Denison, Albuquerque, NM, UA. Go to page: 1 2 3 |
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