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Short Stories - Reviews |
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Short Stories Reviews |
Losing Mrs. Jefferson by Shelley J Alongi (2) "Excellent piece of writing Shelly! I enjoyed it very much!" -- Monte. "Monte, Thanks for reading this, I'm glad you liked it! Writing is such an art and this event stirred such imagery I had to try my hand at it. Interesting man, interesting ideas, interesting life. " -- Shelley, Fullerton, California, USA. Wheatley's Last Wish by Drakeman Robert Kincaide (2) ""Your writing style is very much like your son's, who correct me if I'm wrong has work posted on here too? MBJ"" -- Mary Beth, Holland, OH. "The story is great but makes me sad each time I read it. - Carol Healy,Australia" -- Carol Healy, Ermington, NSW, Australia. The Unloved Woman by Emmie Sinclair (9) "the imagery in the story is very good. I hope you fulfill your dream of becoming a writer" -- Nikky Epperly. "Bravo... I was filled with the spirit of this character and she kept me with her in the cold until the "end". Extremely brilliant... I wonder if you have anything published?" -- D. G. Williford. "Usually titles this short don't capture or engage me but you manage to that early on with this. Well done." -- J L Watts, UK. "A very intriquing story Emmie, left your readers with what it must be like to really be alone, out in the cold, with no one to love you enough to even notice your own death! Your close clinch it with one word "Nobody". Great write! Keep em coming!" -- Monte. "Thanks for all your lovely praise it's really appreciated and keeps up the motivation to build on all those beginnings of ideas that form in your head. Thanks especially for all the time you've taken to make your reviews detailed, D.G. Williford - I've not been published yet but I hope to be someday, thank you all for your kindness, Emmie!!!" -- Emmie Sinclair. "The imagery was great and you really captured the spirit of the character you were trying to portray. " -- Maggie, chicago, IL. "Too many cliche's to start with. Watch your sentence construction. The dialogue is straight out of a bad 1920's B movie. People DO NOT talk like this. Keep writing. At home. In a journal. Get a teacher to check it out and be ruthlessly honest. Then return with something original and crisp. Sorry, no pity for the beggar woman,' no pity for you. Keep trying. " -- dee sleng. "Wow! Very moving. Desolate. Well done." -- kAREN, BUCKSPORT, ME, United States. "Oh, and you ARE A WRITER. Writers write. Keep going, you're good." -- Karen, BUCKSPORT, ME, United States. The Leprechaun's Gift by Carrie Landes (1) "Sweet story :)" -- Michelle. The Horror Of Existence by Sunny (4) "You're absolutely correct... You had no idea what you were writing, where you were going or how to get there..." -- D. G. . "Makes you think about life's john" -- Ben. "i recently re-read my story, which i had previously thought to be horrible, because i have really high standards, but now i think it is not that bad. some of my writing does not conform to my own conscious opinion of how to write, but i guess subconsciously there is some organized talent/plan." -- sunny, dc, usa. "GUESS AGAIN !" -- Molly. Peggie by Robert Levin (1) "terrifically depraved and funny." -- Just A Guy. Nothing's De Facto by Ben S D (1) ""...this is a fucked up piece of rotting shit."" You're right, Ben. But I hope it was therapeutic." -- dee sleng. Night In Antigua by D G Williford (1) "jeez kid, lay of the drugs. just kidding. its not good, but an A for imagination." -- sunny, DC, USA. Desk Lunch Part 6 by D G Williford (4) "this was great but i'm going to have to look at everyone with a guarded eye from now on, never know what lurks in our minds huh?" -- JAG. "new conquest JAGuy?" -- JAGirl. "my sincerest apologies DG - that comment by girl really is rude and uncalled for. i've a hunch you're far too sharp to be anyone's easy conquest. hell hath no fury huh?" -- JAG. "No problem... I just would appreciate that the review spots are strictly for that... reviews and not comments towards another author... I have no time for petty personal grievances... Happy writing..." -- D. G. Williford. Desk Lunch Part 4 by D G Williford (5) "Nice the way you lead me to think i'd have to wait then POW. Now is she going to continue her onslaught on others? herself? Don't tease. That damn fish n more - guess that's off the menu from now on." -- Just A Guy. "Jag... You are not going to believe this, but I wrote this last night under the influence and I LOVED it... Thanks for sticking with me to the end. "She" will resurface;her work is not done. I loved writing this it set me free from alot of issues with my job. " -- Author. "Whoa babe, issues at work. Don't you go doing anything foolish, would hate to read about this in the paper. One thing though - where's the SEX???? sorry about that." -- JAG. "Everything you wanted to dream and more... not fish and more.. but yes.... satire wanting to be real life...that's all I have.... but I will write more of HER story..." -- Author. "i didn't get it at all. compared to some of the stuff on this site it well...sucked." -- sunny, DC, USA. Dear Stepdad by D G Williford (2) "nice imagery!" -- michelle. "Very provocative, love your imagination. you sure knock off a lot of people don't you?" -- Just A Guy. Cmon You Can Tell Me by Sunny (2) "this is sick garbage, you need to get a life instead of writing something you know nothing about.pj" -- PJ. "Come on PJ, are you a sleep in this World. Things like this do happen - If the above is true - its good to get it out of the system. True or Not - there is an ulgly side of the World too. Sunny, parents are met to protect you but some are twisted and they twist the lives of their own anyways whatever, good read. Recently l have come across young girls who do complain that they moms no longer hug them. You are very realistic in writing the above. Just a little hugs goes a mile." -- carol, Auckland, New Zealand. Desk Lunch Part 5 by D G Williford (1) "Good to see you back with this DG but i had to go to your listing to find this part, for some reason it wasn't posted. marlin and more busted me up. on to part 6 with a grin on my face." -- JAG. Words.Enter.Head.Write.Something.Good. by J L Watts (1) "Ah, who in their darker moments of writer's block hasn't produced something like this at one time or another? I know I have, in fact I once won a commendation award for one like this and I'm not sure if this one isn't better. It's funny and sad at the same time if you know what I mean. I like your interactions between the author and the characters, it very much appeals to my sense of humour, that sort of sardonic wit. But then, it's always so easy to hammer together something about writer's block. This is good though, it no doubt helps your style to develop more and it's good while it lasts. We've all written this at one point. That's just the life of being a writer I guess :)" -- S J Fletcher. Tsp - Part Two by David B Doc Byron (2) "Still spellbinding and fresh Doc... only one thing.. I'm a huge research whore and MM died on 8/5/62... So the clip of her singing to the JFK must have been on a special or something.... Just my trivia side rearing her ugly head.. Keep it up.... " -- D. G. Williford. "i'm hooked and off to part 3" -- Just A Guy. Tsp Part Three by David B Doc Byron (3) "Interesting twist on the assassination... One more day.. this has a 24 feel to it, if you know what I mean. Excellent." -- D. G. Williford. "still as intense... One question though... How does this guy not know that the hit is the President? He couldn't have lived under a rock his whole life... I didn't get that part." -- D. G. Williford. "I'm with DG on this, does seem strange not knowing it's the pres. but perhaps there's a twist in the wind. you toying with us Doc???" -- Just A Guy. Tsp Part Four by David B Doc Byron (1) "still here Doc, still trying to get ahead but to no avail" -- JAG. Tsp - Part Five by David B Doc Byron (1) "ok doc, why did he leave the rifle, why wasn't it ever found." -- JAG. Tsp - Interlude by David B Doc Byron (1) "so, jack ruby killed both assassins is that it??" -- JAG. The Running by David B Doc Byron (2) "Doc, this is a very sad story. Very well-written, but very sad. Easy to visualize as well." -- Molly B. "Moving piece though I'm afraid I'm missing the real meaning... My friend is dying of lung cancer and my vision is clouded. Keep inspiring me Doc!" -- D. G. Williford. The Pursuit by J L Watts (1) "I'm not sure I get this story. The twist is interesting but I'm not sure you wholly shed light on the start of the story, and I don't quite get the relevance of the 'piano man' by the end, I can't quite work out how the two different parts of the story compliment each other. Maybe I'm just not reading it right but it seems to me like you had the idea of writing this and you knew what was going to happen, and so in your mind it all makes sense but you don't quite communicate everything that's going on to the reader. It's very well-written though, you've got a wonderful descriptive style and it's great reading, apart from a couple of very trivial grammatical errors and typos but we all have those so I won't go into them at all. I might read some of your other stuff later." -- S J Fletcher. The Messiah by David B Doc Byron (1) "Doc... what were you thinking? Who am I to judge and put you in a place that you may or may not have been in... I don't get this... It wasn't one of your high quality pieces... But we all have those days... I know.. Go fuck yourself... I still applaud you." -- D. G. Williford. The 2nd Party - Part 0ne by David B Doc Byron (3) "Ok... on to Part Two. Kept my attention. I particularly enjoyed the dialogue with ME... Fresh take." -- D. G. Williford. "Come on Doc - don't keep us waiting, this is cool." -- Just A Guy. "It kept my attention too. Needless to say I was disappointed when there wasn't more! : )" -- Molly B. Sweet Revenge by Ashley Mowery (7) "good" -- ashley. "Not bad indeed! Reminds me a lot of Roald Dahl's 'Lamb to the Slaughter'" -- Aidoann McCoy. "Those one night stands can be nasty - nice work." -- Just A Guy. "That was like totally awesome!!" -- Nicole, McKeesport, PA, USA. "Good one!" -- Luis Felipe Moura, Belo Horizonte, MG, Brazil. "concise, yet pointless. the story lacked emotion! you had some good descriptive sentences, but it lacked emotional punch." -- sunny, DC, usa. "Kick ass, I ought to try that" -- Heidi. Moses And The Parting Of The Red Sea by Rowan Davies (3) "Wow - you're going to get some nasty reviews i bet but this was a fun read and i've a hunch the guy upstairs has a pretty good sense of humor and is laughing a bit too." -- Just A Guy. "This is good stuff,it reminds me of a review someone gave me on my piece called Iraq attack,when Noah was trying to build the ark,and couldnt get planning permission and stuff.Very similar .If it was thanks and if it wasnt good work.PS it was signed God." -- Stuart Eric Longridge, Belfast. "No, I have to admit that it wasn't me, but i did read it and find it very amusing. Noah was going to be the focus of my next piece as well! Bugger." -- Rowan Davies (Author). Jesus Christ Superslacker by Rowan Davies (4) "Wow! i just gotta say wow! this is extraordinary. i love it. it's the first time i'm reading a story where as god exsist as a talking person. i watched movies about this but i never read about it before.it's great. i like dthe way you discribed god as being an old man.it's kind off mysterious and i think there should be more to it. oh well--excellent work!" -- lori-ann. "He he, first time i have heard of a Bugs Bunny Tie complimenting a scene. That's a very good story, i do like it!" -- Pingu, bristol. "Oh boy, someone's gonna be waiting for you up there:) This was very clever, nice work." -- Just A Guy. "Funny, Tim was the average joe whose questions were just what anyone would have posed to a bugs bunny tie wearing God. Of course, the idea could be worked on a little, but its a great little convo." -- Jack Brown. Getting Gas by Ashley Mowery (5) "IT WAS FANTASTIC!!! :)" -- Nicole, McKeesport, PA, USA. "Liked this one." -- Just A Guy. "very nice. i liked the ending especially. a story with a moral: evil thoughts beget rash actions with tragic consequences." -- sunny, DC, DC, USA. "Cute!!" -- Dani. "I enjoyed the story, especially the unexpected ending. " -- joe perez, L. A. , CA. From Riches To Rags by Nicole Mowery (1) "Although there are a few mechanical and spelling errors, the story is exceptional. I really enjoyed reading it. It's ashame how a few words can send someone over the edge. Alot of people don't consider that before taunting someone else. The only advice i can offer you is to proofread, proofread, and proofread!" -- Ashley, mckeesport, pa, usa. Desk Lunch Part 3 by D G Williford (2) "What mayhem do you have in store for us - put your work aside and WRITE damn it!!" -- JAG. "Stay tuned... I just shared with a co-worker and only she knows the outcome. I promise I will try and finish this soon... Thanks so much for your interest, JAG!" -- Author. Desk Lunch Part 2 by D G Williford (2) "Come on DG don't be a tease. no idea where this is heading but it's got me hooked. passion punch huh?" -- JAG. "Patience Patience JAG... Thanks for making me feel like my work is eye addicting. I have no idea where this is going... It's just a day in the life... More to come..." -- Author. Desk Lunch Part 1 by D G Williford (4) "Terrific detail D G, i can feel her anxieties and look forward to more." -- Just A Guy. "thanks JAG... Looking around my desk today, it inspired me to just write about reality. More is coming." -- Author. "good. i liked it. i could identify with her mentality and feelings. im looking around my desk now." -- sunny, DC, USA. "Well Well... sunny-- Since you slammed Desk Lunch Part 4 without reading Part 1 I can understand how you weren't attune to the them of the piece. Now that you have started from the beginning arrow, maybe you can get to Part 4 and appreciate my efforts and constructively criticize them from there. Thanks for reading this, I think. " -- Author. City Of The Dead by David B Doc Byron (2) "My new favorite...a blindfolded ride through purgatory...loved the tattos of sin... Horrifically enticing..." -- D. G. Williford. "Wonderful..." -- e. rocco caldwell. A Spontaneous Arrival Of Exalted Fancy by Bob M Ra (2) "The idea of a being coming into existence suddenly in the manner you described, is interesting but I didn't get a sense of a real story arc. Often there are too many words or sentences to describe a thought which could be remidied by more ruthless editing. The characters of the pedestrian and cyclist act in strange ways, changing emotions abruptly, and are not very distinguishable from each other. The dialogue attempts to be realistic which is fine but some of the real 'you knows' etc... could be edited out. Dialogue in fiction is best done, from my experience, if it feels real but isn't actually real. If you're interest is in writing a short, short story then it is best to be precise, writing description and action in tight powerful language. That is not to say that you can't be reflective or descriptive, but each word is precious. Thanks for letting me read it!" -- Offpill. "i agree with offpill, the premise was cool, but the language is not tight enough and the ending was bogus. the nub of a possible story exists, but better dialogue and ending are required." -- sunny, DC, DC, USA. The Wooden Box by D G Williford (1) "This feels like a sweet, simply written memoire. There were a couple sentences which I thought could be reworded slightly such as 'I was curious so I read on'. It isn't necessary to say she was curious because we can gather from the story her interest. It could be potentially improved by including emotional language and a couple more details at the beginning when she was walking through the woods so that we get a better feeling of her isolation and grief. Thanks for letting me read it. " -- Offpill. The Locket by D G Williford (1) "My reaction after reading this story was utter disbelief. Before reading this, i made assumptions as to what the story would be about. My assumptions were completely wrong. The author used strong imagery and very descriptive words to help me better imagine that cold winters night. Although the story took a turn for the worst, it ended on a very positive note. Very nice work!" -- ashley, mckeesport, pa, 15132. The Killing Ground by Gerald E Sheagren (1) "Enjoyed your story Gerald, nice twist in the end!" -- Monte. The Keepsake by D G Williford (3) "Such a sad story D.J.!! Perhaps, if you could somehow correct the formatting that sometimes happens when cutting and pasting when posting, this story would flow better and make for an easier read. Also, if you could show some kind of resolution with your ending, although your charactor does find solace in her writing and the lock of hair, the ending comes rather suddenly leaving the reader with the feeling that something is missing. Just some thoughts and impressions, hope this helps!" -- Monte. "Thanks Monte! I didn't realize that the cut and paste had come through so horribly.. I fixed it and I think it flows a lot nicer.. however, I didn't change the storyline.. I can't think of a way to make her pain any less poignant or an easier recipe for her healing. Thanks for the comments! " -- D. G. Williford. "So much better now D.G.!!! Good job!" -- Monte. The Extraordinary Stillness by Bob M Ra (1) "this is hot! great job! i like that last line. i'm really feeling the vibe man!" -- shawn w. The Eland by Martin Glenpool (6) "Inspiring! Wonderful! Bigoted and subjective - this story shows wogitty wogs at their finest! we expect more from you, as you seem to be a most promising perveyor of prose! " -- Editor of 'Young Writer'. "Hey Martin, you still owe me fifty bucks for last thursday. Don't think I don't realise you're avoiding me you cheap bastard." -- The Rube. "I hate you martin." -- The rube. "I hate you too. This isn't a short story. This is a castrated novelette." -- aloysius. "I don't even know you and I hate you. May your fingers rot." -- Rubicon. "Superb. Blew my mind. I daresay I have not read something so fabulous in ... well, ever! Fantastic. You are a genius in the use of language. I held my breath throughout this piece. When you said "DON�T CARE IF FRASIER IS ON I HATE THAT PRICK," I was hooked. You have a successful future ahead of you, Martin. " -- SweetPea. Crash by Matthew Mohan (1) "Hi To write the letter, it is necessary ..." -- Dmitry, New York, ME, united states. At Nite With Liv by Serepx (2) "Hey, liked your story. Really liked the detail and the unconventional way of writing. Gave me chills and kinda made me feel like I was right there. Perhaps a grammar check before submission would make it easier to read though." -- Jellibaby. "A few misplaced words here and there, seems descriptive enough to be sort of like a documented occasion, or a mills and boon dream... one of the two, makes me slightly disturbed reading it, as though i'm about to get in trouble or something... like i'm browsing porn at work or something. Original style, lots of use of the word 'ana', which I presume is some kind of slang for 'and?',... very visual." -- Michael, Mayfield, New South Wales, Australia. A Crown Hath Promised by Keri McGriff (1) "Beautiful, Ker! You write like an old hippie =). I will have a new short story soon. Watch for it. Email me. xxxxxooooo" -- Paula. 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