Storymania - Hiding From The Truth by Jessica J

Hiding From The Truth
Jessica J

Hiding From The Truth

Chapter One

"Okay, let me get this straight," I said, trying to process everything Haven had just told me," Brandi told you that she is angry at the world and that her life sucks?" "Yep, that is exactly what she told told me. She also told me something else though. She said that it seems to her like she has no friends. Worse yet, when she was through telling me all this, my mind went completely blank. I didn't say anything to her. I mean, our best friend basically just told me that she was thinking about suicide and I didn't say anything to comfort her! Some friend I must be." Haven was going completely nuts and I didn't blame her.
"Wow," I thought," now everything is going together. I now know why Brandi has not been acting like herself for the past month. If only I would have realized this earlier. Brandi has not been talking, laughing, or smiling to anyone for the past month and we didn't even think that there was a problem."
Snapping back into the real world I realized that Haven was still going on about how she should have said something to Brandi.
"Haven, it's okay," I said trying to calm her down," Brandi seems fine today, just look at her. She was actually talking to us at lunch and now she is over there talking to all our friends. Maybe we don't have to worry anymore. Let's just wait and see how she holds out, okay?"
"Okay, it sounds like a deal," Haven sighed.
I wasn't so sure if that was such a good idea though. But I was afraid to tell anyone about it because what if Brandi is really fine? Then I would feel stupid for getting Brandi into the mess of having people think that she had mental problems. I just wanted to make myself and Haven think that she would be just fine. So, as we sat outside after lunch watching Brandi talking to our friends a few feet away from us I told myself," She is going to be fine. Just wait and see."

Chapter Two

"I had the worst day the other day," Mandy was saying just as Brandi walked into the room.
"Yeah, well everyday sucks for me. My life is crap," Brandi said as she kept on walking down the stairs, leaving all of us stunned.
Haven, Brandi, and I had spent the night at Mandy's house and we were getting ready to go sledding outside. As we were getting ready Haven, Mandy, and I were talking about the days when nothing seems to go right. We were in the middle of our conversation when Brandi had walked out of the bathroom and made us realize that she wasn't better.
"I guess she isn't better," Haven whispered quietly. I could only nod my head in agreement as the three of us sat there thinking about Brandi and what she had said.
"I have to tell someone about Brandi. Even if she is just faking it for the attention," I thought. I knew that I would never bring myself to do it though. That is just the way that I am. I was to afraid that if I told someone, and Brandi found out that I was the one who told, that she would get angry at me. If only it wasn't so hard for me to tell an adult that I might know someone who is thinking about suicide.
Soon enough though, we all started talking about other subjects and finally went sledding. Nobody mentioned Brandi's problem but that was all that I could seem to think of at the time. I was really starting to worry about her.
"Okay," I thought. Trying to sort out my mind," first Brandi wanted everyone little bit of attention that she could possibly get by complaining about a hurt ankle. Then she wouldn't talk to anyone, not even me. She didn't talk for almost a whole month. All that, plus what she had told Haven, was almost a sure sign that she was thinking about suicide. I know that we can't tell anyone about this though. Only Haven and I know what Brandi might possibly be thinking. If only we could stop telling ourselves that nothing will happen to her. It's almost as if we think that she will get better if we ignore the problem. But I know that it doesn't work that way."

Chapter Three

"Take that off your wrist right now!" I hissed at Brandi. We were sitting in a school assembly listening to someone talk about a war that they had been held prisoner in. Brandi was sitting next to me and was showing me a rubber band that she had so tight around her wrist that her hand was turning blue and purple. She was really starting to get on my nerves the past few days with the rubber band on her wrist and cutting her wrists and ankles. Whenever I would tell her to stop something she would just ignore me and say some other lame comment.
"No, it is kind of cool," was her answer and the only answer I have been getting out of her lately. I wanted to yell at her right there but knew that I would be the one who would end of getting yelled at by the teachers. So, I decided it would have to wait until after the assembly to get all my stress out of me.
A few minutes later the assembly was over. I rushed to catch up with Brandi and realized that the rubber band was still on her wrist. She was taking this all to far. As I caught up with her I made her stop so she would listen to me.
"Brandi, you have really been acting strange these past few days and it is really starting to bother me. Now, take that thing off your wrist right now!" I said furiously, but it didn't seem to affect Brandi, it seemed like she didn't even hear me.
"I am so tired," she said, basically blowing off my comments that I had just made to her.
"Look at me right now Brandi. I want to make sure that you hear me clear. I told you last week, when you said that you have only been getting three hours of sleep each night, that you had better be getting more sleep at night. If you don't start sleeping more and I find out, I am going to tell your parents. Also, you have to take that rubber band off of your wrist before it causes any damage. Oh, and one last thing. If I find that you cut yourself up anymore, I am going to do something about it." I had taken way to much crap from Brandi that week and it was all starting to spill out of me. What made it so difficult was that all the girls that do stuff like Brandi has been doing usually end up killing themselves. I didn't want to think that way though. I wanted to believe that Brandi wasn't acting like that.
"Whatever you say," she said as she just walked right past me and into the choir room. I just stood in the hallway and tried to fight back the tears that I could feel welling up in my eyes. I was so afraid and confused that I just wanted to let it all out but, I knew that I had to be strong. I was hurting so much inside to see my best friend acting the way she was.
"Why does this have to happen to me?" I cried out inside of me.

Chapter Four

Walking through the school hallway at the end of the day isn't always easy, it can get you real stressed. I still had not cooled down from yelling at Brandi earlier during the assembly either, so it probably wasn't a good idea to be walking with her to my lock. It only took her one question to get me all upset at her again.
"Do you have a sharp pencil that I can use?" Brandi asked me casually as if it was not a big thing.
"No, I am not going to give you a sharp pencil just so you can cut yourself with it," I was trying not to yell that loud but it was hard. Brandi didn't say anything after that. She stopped at our friend, Jennifer's locker, while I kept on walking towards mine.
When I got back to Jennifer and Brandi, I found Brandi looking through Jennifer's pencil bag with one pencil already in her hand.
"Jennifer," I practically yelled as I grabbed the bag and pencil from Brandi," don't let her have anything sharp. She only wants to cut herself."
"Fine, I'll just get a pencil from someone else then." Brandi said as she turned and walked away getting lost in the crowd.
"What was all that about?" Jennifer asked me as she turned around to face me.
"Well, Brandi has been cutting her wrists and ankles lately. She says that she doesn't cut her ankles but I know that she does. She does admit to cutting her wrists though but doesn't really seem to care when I tell her that she shouldn't do that." I said. Then I added softly," Watching her hurt herself hurts me."
I guess that Jennifer realized how much I was hurting because she put her arms around me and held me like she really cared.
"It will be okay. If anyone is strong enough to deal with a situation like this, it is you. You always know what the right thing to do is." Jennifer said calmly.
"I know, but for once in my life I don't have the strength to do what I know is right," I answered quietly with tears in my eyes. I felt so weak. I would never have thought that it would be so hard to tell someone that you think a friend may be thinking about suicide, but it is, and I couldn't do it.

Chapter Five( 2 months later during summer vacation)

"Brandi is the worst one of all," Haven said. Haven and Mandy were telling me about the attitudes of everyone on their soccer team as we sat at a table by the neighborhood pool.
"You remember when she was cutting her wrists and showing us, right? Well, when our coach asked her what the cuts were from she just told him that they were nothing and walked away. She never would go through a whole practice without complaining about something either. Oh, she also told me the other day that we never include her in anything and if we do, she thinks that she is always a last resort. She has been fine for the past month but now she is starting to act all weird again. I mean, I know that she thinks that her life is shitty and all, but she should at least be able to recognize that we are her friends." Haven said.
"Gosh, I thought that she was getting better too. I haven't really seen her do anything dramatic like cutting herself for a while. I haven't really talked to her though either, so I guess that would probably be why I haven't heard her say anything about her crappy life." I was just beginning to feel okay about Brandi but now that bad feeling was back in the pit of my stomach. I wasn't sure if I could go through all this again either.
"Well," Haven started," I am not sure what to do about the girl. I think that we should just keep ignoring the fact that she has negative thoughts in her head. We did it before so why not keep doing it? I know that she is the type of girl that would never put her life at risk. Now, how about we put this conversation on hold and go swimming. I am burning up just sitting here talking."
Even I knew that what Haven suggested wasn't the right answer to our problem, but both of us were afraid to face the horrible truth. We just didn't want ourselves to think about what Brandi could be thinking. Still, when I got home later that night all I could think about was Brandi. I wanted to tell someone, but what made it hard was that sometime Brandi was fine and other times I really worried about her. So right when I would be getting up the courage to tell someone, she would seem fine and then I would think that I was just being over worried.

Chapter Six

  ~Larissa~
  I know how much of a pain I must have been for the past three months. You will probably be relived when I tell you that I am going to stop all of this. Never again will you have to hear me complaining or have to yell at me to stop doing something. By the time you read this I will be home alone while my parents are at the pool. I anyone cares about where I will be, I will be in the garage free of all the pain I have been in for the past few months. You could not possibly understand how much I hate myself right now. Please do me one favor though. Please, Please, never let yourself turn to what I did, you are better than that. You have a great life ahead of you, unlike I did. You have been a great friend and nobody else will ever be quite like you.
  ~Lots of Love~
  Brandi

  "No, no, no. This cannot be happening to me right now," I thought, my head spinning as I reread those awful words on my computer screen over and over again. Only yesterday I had been talking to Haven about how Brandi was going to be fine. We should have done something.
  "Mom," I screamed," I am going over to Brandi's house."
  I ran out of my house and grabbed my bike as fast as I could hoping that it wasn't to late, but I had a horrible feeling that it was. Peddling over to Brandi's house only took about five minutes. The whole time I could only think," This cannot be happening. Brandi, you are better than this. You can't do this to yourself."
  I saw Brandi's house coming up and noticed that her parents were still at the pool. Pulling into the driveway I jumped of my bike and ran to the side garage door that was always unlocked. Taking a deep breath I opened the door.
  "Brandi!," I shrieked when I saw her limp body laying on the ground. Both cars in the garage were running so I ran to open the garage door before passing out. Then I rushed over to where Brandi's body was crumpled on the ground. Frantically I searched for a pulse, but I couldn't find one.
  "Brandi, you had a better life than this. You can't do this to me!" I sobbed as I tried to do CPR, but I knew that she was already gone. I sat crying with Brandi's body laying on my lap.
  After sitting in the garage for about twenty minutes I finally got up to make a few phone calls. I slowly walked into Brandi's house and picked up their phone. First I dialed Haven's number.
  "Hello, Hunt residence, this is Haven speaking," I loved the way that Haven answered the phone. She was the only person in her family who answered that way and it always made me smile, but it couldn't make me smile today.
  "Haven, this is Larissa," I choked back the tears, " you need to come over to Brandi's house right now. She finally went through with it."
  "Oh my," I could tell that she was already crying, " I'll be right over."
  The next call was going to be a lot more difficult. I slowly dialed the pool's phone number. I asked for either Mr. or Mrs. Kentwood and waited to tell them the horrible news about their daughter.
"Hello," I recognized Brandi's mom answer the call.
"Ummm....Mrs. Kentwood, this is Larissa. I am afraid that I have some bad news for you," I couldn't stop the tears from coming this time," I just found Brandi in the garage with the cars running. She...she is dead. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I should have been more like a friend and told someone before it was too late. I am sorry. I really am."
I heard Mrs. Kentwood scream and them Mr. Kentwood asking what the problem was. When he finally got the answer I could only hear him repeating the words," No, no,no,no."
Finally Mrs. Kentwood got back on the phone and said," We will be right home."
I hung up the phone but then picked it back. I had to make one final call. I dialed the numbers 9-1-1. When the dispatcher answered my call I took a deep breath and said," My friend just committed suicide," my voice was shaking uncontrollably," I found her in the garage with two cars running." I only wished that it would have all been a bad dream, but it wasn't. My nightmare had just come true.

Chapter Seven

"Brandi and I have been friends since third grade. We were best friends on the same soccer team until I switched teams. We were reunited soon after in junior high and we were then inseparable. I never would have guessed then that we would go through as much pain as we did in the past three month. Only three months ago did I realize that Brandi was hurting herself physically and mentally. It hurt me so much to listen to her talk and to watch her. When she spoke, I could hear the pain in her voice. I would cry silently as I listened to her be in so much agony. I only wish now that I would have told someone then what I knew. I didn't tell anyone though and that is what killed her. I should have gotten up the courage to tell an adult that I knew someone who might possibly be thinking about suicide. But, I didn't. I will forever regret that I didn't tell anyone because I could have had one more best friend by my side right now. I tried to make myself believe that she would get bet!
ter because that is what I wanted. When I thought she was getting better, she was only getting worse. If I could go back to last week I would tell someone that Brandi was possibly thinking of suicide. Finding Brandi in the garage was the worst moment of my life. I will never, ever forget what I felt when I opened that garage door.
The only thing that I can do now is to spread the word. If you have a friend that you suspect to be thinking of suicide, please tell someone. Don't be afraid like I was. You can save a life. Don't be like me and kill your best friend because of something you didn't do. Brandi, if you are listening, please forgive me. I will miss you so much and never will I forget you. I love you so much." Getting towards the end of my speech tears were flowing down my cheeks. Brandi's parents had asked me to make a speech during the funeral service and I had agreed with no regrets.
I stepped down from the podium in front of the funeral service and sat down next to Haven and Mrs. Kentwood. Haven handed me a tissue to wipe away my tears and Mrs. Kentwood took my hand into hers. She squeezed my hand and when I looked into her glistening eyes I saw Brandi in them. I started crying even harder and put my head on Mrs. Kentwood's shoulder. The only thing I could do now was let myself cry, letting go of all the pain inside of me. Brandi was gone, and she wasn't coming back. It was time for me to stop hiding from reality and face the truth.