Marital Bliss, Yeah Right! (1)
Sam Malone

 

Cast of Characters:

Hailey Mandelli, 27,returning home for her
best friend's wedding.

Kayla Madison, 27, Bride to be.

Brianna Noel, 27, Best friend of Hailey and
Kayla.

Jacob Taylor, 30, Groom to be.

Chase Miller, 38, Friend of the groom.

Caleb Taylor, 26, Cousin of the groom.

Anita Mandelli, 56, Mother of Hailey

John White, 26, Hailey ex-boyfriend

Time
The Present

Place
Act One
Scene One: Mid-afternoon, Logan International Airport, Boston, Mass.



ACT ONE, SCENE ONE


Logan International Airport: (An airline terminal. It is mid afternoon and the airport is at it's normal peak of activity. Hailey Cooper has just sat down to wait for her flight to Chicago. She is in her mid-twenties, thin, attractive, and intelligent, but somewhat reserved. While Hailey is immersed in her own thoughts, she doesn't notice the activity around her; people standing in line, talking, people walking to and from their next flight.)

Hailey: (As she stands up the lights dim. She walks to the center of the stage. As she begins to talk, the activity behind her slowly subsides. She addresses the audience.)

I desire a man. Any man. There I said it. Please forgive me for being . . . vulgar. I wouldn't openly admit that and I only say that because I know you would never tell a soul. Now let me see. Where is he?
(As she glances around the gate area, characters come to life. A businessman hurries across the stage. She watches him and then turns back toward the audience.)

Too edgy.
(Next a grandfather with an armload of Disney sovenirs passes)

Too old.

(In a corner on the other side of her lights up on two men sitting rather close to each other and engaged in a conversation.)

They appear a little to. . . interested in each other. Well, maybe not any man. Maybe I should take the advice that I give my friends when they complain that they're single. I tell them 'to get a life. That it's not a guy they're missing.' Girl power and all that, right? The only thing is that I'm soooo tired of being single . . . of meeting the same beef heads and dorks again and again. The guy who tells me how much he respects me and then without missing a beat, he pounces on me like some psychotic octopus, hands everywhere. I manage to fight him off, but only by swiftly kicking him in the groin and then pushing him out the door. So much for a romantic evening. They have the nerve to call me the next day and ask me out again.

What I need is a nice, reasonably attractive, decent man. Someone friendly. Approachable. Someone, who will at least try to understand me. Someone to take the time to listen to what I want, to feel what I feel, to want to go through things together. Someone with whom I could flirt. That is all. Just flirt.

One of my best friends, Kayla Madison, is getting married. That's why I'm flying home to Chicago. She will be the second one to get married out of the three of us. Brianna was the first. That was actually no big surprise. She dated Jacob all through high school and college. Kayla asked me to be one of her bridemaids, while Brianna steps in as her matron of honor. Actually, we have an arrangement between the three of us. I was Brianna's maid of honor, Brianna is Kayla's and Kayla will be mine, but it looks like that won't happen anytime soon. What's the quoate? 'Always a bride's maid and never a bride.' Well, for me its Always a bride's maid and maybe a maid of honor but never a bride.

Anyway, Kayla's wedding will make five weddings in the last eight months. Do you know how much money I've already spent on dresses alone? Almost a thousand dollars. Then there's the wedding presents, the shower gifts, bachelorette parties, and travel expenses.

(Hailey shakes her head)

I know what you are thinking . . .just tell Kayla that I can't make it to her wedding. I can't back out. Kayla knows about the other weddings and I've known her a lot longer than I have the others. The next two weddings are cousins. My mother would never let me hear the end of it if I even mentioned backing out of their weddings. I'm glad I have a good job and make good money. You know the real kicker here? I don't even have a date that I can bring to any of these weddings. I was hoping that maybe I'd be going out with someone by now.

Honestly, I never thought Kayla would be next. I mean Kayla's thinking was that monogamy and men were overrated. I asked her a long time ago, 'Don't you think someday, someway you will possibly meet Mr. Right and want to get married?'

Kayla: (enter stage right)

All I said was,'what makes you think there is just one Mr. Right? Maybe humans weren't meant to be with the same person their entire lives. I haven't met a man yet whom I wanted to spend more than a few hours with.'

Hailey: I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with . . .to have children. . .to grow old with . . . to . . .

Kayla: (Interrupting her)
don't forget about the dog and the white picket fence. . . and then when you turn forty-five, divorce court, when he leaves you for a young woman.

Hailey: You're such a pessimist.

Kayla: No, just liberated, Hailey. Do you really believe a man and a woman can live together monogamously and peacefully for thirty years or more and be happy? Personally, I can have the dogs, the white picket fence and the kids too, but I don't need to get married in order to have all that. Just give me the sperm buddy and be on your way!

Haliey: Well, at least you don't have to deal with your mother. What little contact I initiate is too much.

Kayla: Is she still trying to fix you up with every available man at the hospital she works at?

Hailey: Yes. I can't believe her sometimes. Our taste in men is very different. I guess mothers always think they know what's best for their daughters. My mom starts crying everytime I tell her I'm not getting married.

Mom: (enters crying)

You're going to deprive your own mother of grandchildren. After everything I've done and sarcificed for you.

Hailey: Mom, we've been through this already. You know you have two sons, both of whom are presumably fertile and married.

Mom: (still crying)
but you're my only daughter.

(mom exits crying harder)

Hailey: I can't win. It's not that I don't appreciate her help . . . We just have very different ideas on the matter.

Kayla: At least your mom is trying to do something constructive by setting you up on dates. All my mom does is whine and press the guilt button about planning the wedding.

Hailey: I'm not sure I would call her matching constructive. The last guy she set me up with was a real loser.

Kayla: Your mom can't fix you up with one of those young handsome doctors like you see on the soaps?

Hailey: No, it's more like the hospital lab worker who is definitely lacking in the social skills department. He kept on talking about blood products. I haven't been able to eat tomato
sauce ever since. Besides, most of the doctors my mom works with are already married and all of their friends are married. You're my last single ally.

Kayla: Well, if I meet a decent guy, I may send him your way.

Hailey: What other options do I have for meeting available men?

Kayla: You could always place a classified ad. single white female, 27, looking for handsome single white male with a hot bod . . .

Hailey: (interrupting)
Isn't that how you met Rosco . . . I think I heard on the radio that he was just indicted on racketeering charges.

Kayla: He was very charming
(she is silent for a moment as she thinks about him.)

Hailey: Kay didn't he . . .

Kayla:(interrupting again)
He took me to an extremely expensive restaurant, bought me a box of chocolates, and a single red rose.

Hailey: He wanted you to run drugs for him, Kayla.

Kayla: Okay, so I met one bad apple, but that's no reason to discredit the whole process. I met other men who were decent.

Hailey: Oh, yeah, right. What about the one guy who was married and the other one who almost talked you into making a porno video for him.

Kayla: Ok, ok, so I met my share of disappointments too, but most of them were normal.

Hailey: I'd like to think I have higher standards than just meeting someone "normal".

Kayla:(Offended) Are you saying I
don't have standards?

Hailey: No, I'm not. I guess what I am saying is that I am a just bit more selective about whom I choose to go out with.

Kayla:(gently)
Well, . . .you know maybe if you weren't so picky, you'd be married by now.
(The lights dim on Kayla and she exits)

Hailey:(silence for a few minutes)
I don't know. Maybe she's right, maybe I am too picky. Obviously, since we had this conversation she has met someone whom has changed her mind. She's getting married. Now, however, is not the time for anger or self-pity. I need to take control, to recapture the carefree spirit I'd somehow lost . . .I . . .

(Suddenly something catches Hailey's eye. Turning her head, she sees a new passenger enter the gate area. She looks back toward the audience.)

Hailey: Oh, yes. My skin is prickling.

(She turns back towards him and for a moment just watches him. As he reaches the ticket counter and lifts his sunglasses, he smiles at the ticket agent.)

His smile is devastating with perfect white teeth. My heart just did something it hasn't done in years---it gave one hard thump against my rib cage. Nearly knocked me over! I mean, I had to take a couple of steps to regain my balance. Just looking at him has made some long dormant part of me stir to life.

(Hailey watches him as he takes a seat across from her. He takes off his sunglasses and stows them away in his duffel bag. Dropping the bag at his feet, he takes a moment to make sure his computer disks rests safely on top. He sits down in his seat to wait for his flight.) I think I found my man. Now all I have to do is catch his eye and prove to myself that I can do what comes naturally to a woman as shopping . . .flirt. I have to flirt his pants off . . .of course, and disappointingly, that's only figuratively speaking.

(The lights dim on Hailey as she goes back to her seat. The lights now light up the whole stage and the busy traffic of people in the airport begin again. Finally, the lights start to dim and focus on the man sitting in the gate area across from Hailey.)

Chase: (Exhaustion pulled his head back and he closed his eyes. After a few minutes he brings his head forward and opens his eyes and address the audience.) I am getting too old to put in these sixteen hour workdays for weeks on end. What I wouldn't give to just pass out for the duration of the flight? (stands up and lets out a big sigh) Unfortunately, I have too much on my mind to give in to sleep---like the big gaping hole in my life where a wife and some children should be. I am sorry, I don't mean to dump my problems on you, but I will.
I'm just returning from my twenty year high school reunion. What a reality check that had been! I still couldn't believe my former class mates have children in college, while I hadn't even gotten married. One of these days, I really need to look into doing something about this lack of a personal life. The problem is, I enjoy my job a little too much. Make that way too much. I love everything about my work. . . well, except the demanding schedule that has left me little time for things like . . . dating. (Chase returns to his seat and closes his eyes and the lights dim out. As his mind searches for possible solutions, a jangling thud sounds right before him. He tunes it out easily. His work for the past, fifteen years had taught him to tune out all manner of chaos. The bump on his leg, however, wasn't so easy to ignore.)

Hailey:(anxiously) I'm so sorry. Please excuse me.

Chase: (opens his eyes and finds a woman crouched before him as she reachs beneath his seat. He looks towards the audience as the lights just dims on his surprised.) I could say something here, you know what any other man would be thinking or maybe dreaming. I mean it's not everyday that there's a woman crouched in front of me. Am I disappointed? Yes! (the light shines back on Hailey and Chase)

Hailey:(rushing to gather pens, breath mints, a paperback novel, a pair of reading glasses. some loose change, a set of keys, and several business cards.) I swear, I'm such a klutz today.

Chase: (shaking his head, he reaches for a runaway tube of lipstick only to have his hand collide with hers. The lipstick tried to skitter away, but he grabs it before it escapes. Chuckling) Gotcha! (He lifts his head to address the lipstick owner and found himself face to face with her. The lights dim on Chase. Kneeling he addresses the audience.)
She's the most enchanting woman I have ever seen. When she spoke to me, her breathy voice reached inside of me and tied my stomach into knots of pure desire.(The lights now shine on both of them.)

Hailey: I really am sorry. It's the flying, you see. . .(She places a hand over her chest)
Planes make me nervous.

(Chase's gaze dropped to her hands, which rested right at the point of her v-collared shirt. His gaze snaps back to hers. She gives him a patient little smile as if waiting for him to say something in return. Only, he couldn't remember her last comment; much less form a suitable response.)

Hailey: (laughed lightly) Not that I'm cruel or anything, but I don't think it's your shade.

Chase:(puzzeled) My shade?

Hailey: No, actually that's my shade. As in my shade of lipstick? (She slowly raises to stand before him. Chase continues to stare at her, she points to his hand) You're holding my lipstick.

Chase:(glances down) So I am.

Hilary:(starts to reach for it.) How gallant of you to rescue it for me?

Chase:(snatches the tube out of her reach) How do I know it's your?

Hailey:(She raises an eyebrow at such an obvious ploy, but her eyes sparkle with mischief) Now, that is a dilemma.

Chase:(enjoying the game.) Let's see. . .I suppose I could have you describe it for me.

Hailey:(She tosses her head to one side.)
Alright. ( Her gaze meet his head on, her eyelids dropped to half mast. Huskily) It's round, hard, it's the color of passionate peaches, and when I twist it, it pops .. .up.

Chase: (Numbly, he opens his palm slowly as she takes the lipstick from him.) So, . . . (swallows hards) it is.

Hailey: (Her fingertips brushed his palm as she takes the lipstick from him) I don't know how I'll ever thank you.(She turns and walks away, her hips swaying to a seductive beat. The lights focus on Chase.)

Chase: I watched her, determined to give her a salute of approval the moment she glanced back over her shoulder. But she never did. Even when she took her seat between two other waiting passengers, she kept her gaze avert. That's odd that such an accomplished flirt would leave it at that. Then I remember the flutter of her head, the heightened color of her skin. Either she'd been equally affected by our little game or she wasn't bold as she pretend do be.

Stewardress:(overhead speaker) Attention please at this time we would like to start boarding flight 544. Would all first class passengers come forward. All first class passengers.

Chase:(Started to reach for his daffel bag, but stopped when a white rectangle on the floor caught his eye. One of the business cards that had spilled from her purse. He picks up the card and swings his bag over his shoulder and exits. On stage is Hailey and an elderly woman passenger who witnessed Hailey's and Chases' encounter.)

Elderly Woman: Are you quite all right, dear?

Hailey:(Had her palm pressed to her stomach to still the jitters. She lifted her head.) Hmm? Oh, yes, I'm fine. Thank you.

Elderly Woman:(persistedly in a motherly concern) Are you sure? You looked a bit flushed.

Hailey: Really, I'm fine. (Hailey addresses the audience) I can not believe I dumped my purse on that man's feet. Not that I had much choice since merely dropping my purse hadn't fazed him. But once I got his attention . . . his gorgeous blue eyes and that slow sexy smile I say it was worth it. At least I remembered how to flirt and that's all the exchange had been, a passing flirtation. I have no need for embarrassment, right? Even if I had let the exchange become entirely too obvious.
(cringing)Oh my god, did I actually describe my lipstick in a phallic way? Actually, I had no business flirting with a stranger. What was I thinking? A total stranger. I shudder to think of the impression I must have given him. My only comfort is knowing I will never have to see him again. At least not after I land in Chicago. In the meantime, I have to get on the plane and with him sitting in first class, I will have to walk right by him.
(Hailey moans, and buries her face in her hands and then exits)



Act I Scene Two

(After the curtains close, the sound of a airplane taking off fills the theatre.)

Pilot:(with the certain still close the pilot's voice flows smoothly over the intercom).
It's a bee you tee ful day in Chicago. The skies are blue and the sun is shining. Another perfect gorgous day in the windy city. The temperature right now is a cool 65 degrees. Passengers please remain seated until notified otherwise. We will be disembarking in exactly four minutes. We're twenty minutes ahead of schedule. I hope you enjoyed your flight to Chicago. Thank you for choosing to fly with Pioneer Airlines. Have a good day.

(The curtains open to a hotel room. There is a suitcase on the bed open. Hailey enters and walks over to the suitcase and picks up a linger and slips it onto a hanger. She expected to wear it, but she didn't know why nobody special was going to see her in it.

Hailey Well, I made it home, and yet I should feel good, comfortable, right? I don't I feel like I am walking on eggshells. It's not because of my mother. Of Course, I know she will start on me as soon as she sees me, but I expect and prepared for it every time I come home.
Do you actually believe that I'm more afraid to see my two best friends than my mother?
Knowning what Brianna has and what Kayla will have. Perhaps it's knowning that I will be the only one left alone when everything is over. That's what scares me the most. Not being able to find anyone and growing old alone. I should be more like Kayla. She knows what she wants and goes out and gets it which is great for her. I mean if she was feeling unadored, she'll let some poor soul moon over her for a while and go out with him even if she really didn't care, just for something to do, and then blow him off when she got bored... I don't know if I could do that...or could I?

(Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Hailey walks over to the door, which is off stage. All at once, there is a loud piercing scream and Hailey, Kayla, and Brianna race over to the bed full of gaggles and giggles as if they were fifteen years old again.)

Hailey: It's the bride to be! Nervous yet? Wait, don't tell me . . . You met someone else and the wedding is off.

Kayla; (not amused)Ha, ha, very funny. Actually, I'm glad that it's almost over. All the planning, that is. As for the wedding, I couldn't be happier. I can't believe it's tomorrow.

Hailey: So how's Jacob holding up?

Kayla: Oh, he's fine. You'll meet him tonight at the rehersal dinner along with his cousin from California, who you will be walking down the aisle with.

Brianna: Hailey, dear if he looks anything like the one I have to walk with you will be in heaven.

Hailey:(shocked) Brianna!

Brianna: Oh, please Hailey, spare me the good catholic girl stuff. I'm only married, not dead.

Hailey:(turning toward Kayla) See what you have to look forward to.

Kayla: Isn't Caleb a babe? My new brother. He isn't the best man, but I guess he's in the top ten. Of course, I am about to marry his brother, who is number one, so maybe I'm baised.

(Silence filled the air between the three friends.)

Hailey: You must have a hundred things to do besides visiting me.

Kayla: (sigh in relief) No, not really. All the important details are really taken care of. My mother is the one who is really freaking out.

Brianna: Let's not talk about that, let's talk about Hailey.

Hailey: (shocked)Me! But Kayla's the bride shouldn't we be talking about her.

Brianna: Yes, and I am not trying to steal her thunder. It's just you're more exciting because you're single.

Hailey: Believe me, Brianna I am not that exciting if there was something exciting happening I would tell you.

Kayla: Well, why don't you tell us who is your boy toy for this weekend.

Hailey: I . . . don't . . . have one.

Brianna: Why?

Kayla: Come on, Hailey. So you have one bad date experience and you give up.

Hailey (offended) I didn't give up. I just
. . .got . . .busy.

(Both friends gave her a unconvincing look of approval)

Brianna: Ok, I see it. You didn't want to waste a perfectly good hotel room on someone you're not going to be comfortable feeding strawberries to in bed.

Hailey (agreeing) Exactly. And you did say that the groomsmen are all cute and single, right? Mmmmm (She images a beautiful stranger in a tux and top hat. He enters throught the closet. The lights dim to a romantic setting. The stranger is tall, dark, and handsome. He glides and dances his way over to Hailey. She finds him irresistible. He is the one true love of her life. The one she's been waiting for. He takes her in his arms and dances her around the room. When he dips her in center stage. She notices that he has no face.

Kayla: I guess that's smart. I know what you mean you don't want to get caught bring a weiner to a steak dinner.

Brianna: That's such a beautiful analogy, Kay.

Kayla: I know but it's true.

Hailey: Wait a minute, now. I don't think we share the same philosophy when it comes to guys. It's not like looking for a one night stand. I'm not like how you . . . use to be. I'm sorry.

Kayla: No, don't be sorry, Hailey. You're right, you were always the good girl and I'm a slut.

Hailey: That's not what I meant, Kayla. I just. . . think meeting some random guy at a wedding and fooling around for the night that's just not what I need or want right now.

Kayla:Hey don't knock it until you have tried it. Some of my best memories were one night stands. That is until Jacob came around.

(All three woman laugh.)

Hailey: I don't want to try it. I don't want to hook up with some guy who just wants to spend the night in my room the first night I meet him.

Brianna: So, maybe you'll meet someone tonight, and then you can save the hotel room for tomorrow night.

Hailey: Yeah right, I just want to finally meet someone who understands me. Who appreciates me? Someone I don't have to explain myself to. Someone I can really fall in love with. Someone who's going to be in it for the long haul. Can't you understand that?

Kayla: Of course, I can. Don't you think I want that too? Every woman does or says she does anyway. But the kind of guy you're talking about doesn't exactly grow on trees, you know, The guy who grows on trees are the one who swings from them. But to get to that real place with a guy to where he wants to be with you for the long haul and you do too well, that takes time. There's no way around the time thing. Believe me, I've been there too. A lot of guys want to sleep together right way. But that doesn't mean he's always going to disappear the next morning. Sometimes you really can tell what he's thinking and then if he's Mr. Right, well, you've got to nab him. If he's Mr. Right now, then hey sometimes that can be fun too. Sometimes you really can't tell where he is coming from, and he doesn't know either. It's complicated but you just have to give things a chance to know how they're going to work out.

Brianna: You should give it a chance.

Hailey: But what does that mean? Shaking up in the toilet during your wedding weekend?

Kayla: Hey it's your room. Don't let me tell you what to do. Or not to do. I just want you to have a good time.

Brianna: Maybe you'll be swinging from the trees with the monkeyes.

Kayla: What time is it?

Brainna: It's four-forty-five. Why?

Kayla: Well, better get going we have rehearsal in fifteen minutes.

(Kayla and Brianna start walking toward the door when they noticed Hailey not following them they stop.)

 

 

Go to part:2 

 

 

Copyright © 2002 Sam Malone
Published on the World Wide Web by "www.storymania.com"