Luggage Scenery: A house in northern Wisconsin. Things in the background can be tacky, and should give the impression that it once was a full house, but is no longer. Couch in center, door on right. Door on left. armchair on left, coffee table in front of couch. Characters: It is a house owned by an old man with 3 children. They are now grown. Chuck is going away to seminary. His priest Father Walters has come to wish him off. John, the oldest, has a large family who is off to vacation, but they canıt get the car started. He is very heavy set and is trying to fix the car. Mary has a clumsy son, Billy, whom she pays little attention to. Her fiance, Tony, is an Italian big shot from New York. He does not love Mary, but is with her to get her fatherıs money when he dies. The old man, Daddy, is out of it, and very flustered. The main room is empty. Bags are piled up on the floor near the door. Among the bags are a suitcase, and 2 large black duffel bags. MARY: (coming in the right door, looking all around) Well, golly, Iım back home. Billy come here. (Billy runs in followed by Tony) TONY: So this is where you grew up? MARY: Yep. Right here is where John banged his head. (pointing) see, thatıs his blood on the coffee table. JOHN: (Coming in the left door, eating a doughnut) We never could get that out could we? MARY:( running over to hug him) John! what are you doing here? JOHN: well we came to stay with dad before we left for our big trip. MARY: How is he doing? JOHN: not to well, this morning I found him just sitting on that couch, not looking at any thing, just staring. MARY: Thatıs just too bad. JOHN: I know, but we just gave him a nudge, and he woke right up singing show tunes! MARY: Here, let me introduce my fiance Tony TONY: (obviously faking it) Pleased to uhh, make your acquaintance (Billy, who has been wandering around then trips over a bag and bangs his head. The adults pay no attention and keep talking) JOHN: so I hear you are in real estate? TONY: No. JOHN: well thatıs good. I didnıt really hear that, just making conversation. Sis, itıs been good to see you, but Neve is pretty anxious to go. MARY: oh, well take care. ( they embrace, and John exits) now, look over there tony, Thatıs where I took my first steps TONY: Beautiful babe (he hugs her and kisses her) CHUCK: (entering)Oh my! SIS! MARY: Chuck, My little brother! ( He runs over and hugs her. they are a huggy family. There is a loud ³BOOM² herd outside, MARY and CHUCK run over to see what it is. TONY sitıs in an armchair, and billy sits on the couch, rubbing his head) CHUCK: Oh, donıt worry. John never could start up the station wagon the first time. MARY: What are you doinı back here? I though youıd gone to seminary by now. CHUCK: God no, ( he looks up, catching his mistake) Sorry ( he looks back at MARY) I leave tomorrow. MARY: not quite getting the hang of it I see CHUCK: yeah, whoıs this? MARY: this is my fiance tony, heıs from new York. CHUCK: really! Iım going to seminary in upstate New Hampshire, They canıt be far apart! TONY: uh, sure kid. CHUCK: howıs billy doing?( pointing at the kid) MARY: mostly fine, but heıs got some bruises on his head, and I donıt know how they got there. CHUCK: probably just a bully at school. Hey billy, letıs go get some cookies. Nice to meet you tony. ( they exit left, DAD enters. he stumbles in and seeıs Mary, and sitıs down) DAD: Itıs about time you got here MARY: Dad, you didnıt know we were coming! DAD: oh, well, just make your selves at home, I know I do MARY: Dad, Iıd like you to meet my fiance tony. DAD: (shaking his hand) Havenıt we met? TONY : no sir DAD: oh, you look like that guy at the supermarket who puts the things in bags TONY: uh, okay. MARY: Iım going to go see how billyıs doing. Iıll let you to get acquainted. ( she exits left) TONY: so, I guess youıve run into quite a lot of people over your lifetime. (no response) What did you do before you retired? ( He waves his hand in front of his face. No response. He goes over and nudges dad. no response. Then he hitıs him on the head and DAD falls over and rolls off the couch onto the floor. TONY is very surprised) TONY: OH NO! I broke my new dad! MARY ( from off stage) how are things going in there? TONY: JUST FINE! ( impersonating DAD) YEAH, GREAT! MARY: itıs nice to see you getting along so well. TONY : ( He quickly goes and dumps out one of the duffel bags. He throwıs it s contents under the couch, and starts stuffing DAD inside. Muttering to himself) Oh, no, I killed him! (He finishes and MARY enters) MARY: Whereıs daddy? TONY: Uh, he went to help John with his car. MARY: really, dad didnıt know anything about cars. TONY: well, he just needed a change of scenery. ( they exit left as John and father Walters enter right) JOHN: ( wiping oily hands on towel) Sorry about the mess father Walters, but sheıs and old girl. FW: it is quite alright. I used to have an old cherry red 53 that had the same problem. JOHN: so, why did you come today? FW: I came to see off chuck, whose going to seminary. JOHN: oh, thatıs great.well, heıd be in the back. FW: thank you (exit left) MARY : (entering left) did father help you with the car? JOHN: he sure did, and he just went in back looking for Chuck. We just remembered that we forgot our tent. ( he grabs the bag containing DAD and drags it off.)See ya! ( Billy, Chuck and Tony enter) MARY: Chuck, dad just helped John with the car, and he went back looking for you. TONY: He helped with the car! MARY: yes, I guess he knew a little more about cars then I thought. Just proves thereıs some person in that old body yet! TONY: I can only hope. You said he went that way?( he runs out left) CHUCK: Did you see a duffel bag around here?it had my tuition papers in it. MARY: yeah thereıs one over there. CHUCK: thanks( taking the tent bag and exiting left) MARY: Oh, billy, this place has memories you wouldnıt believe. FW: (entering) oh hello Mary. MARY: did you find chuck? FW: yes, I gave him a few words of wisdom and bid him off. MARY: I want you to know he is very dedicated. FW: i know, and I'm sure he will make a fine priest. ( billy falls once again, behind the couch this time. He comes up with chucks tuition papers, and runs around to the coffee table and begins tediously working on a paper airplane. There is another bang and John shouts out some expletive) MARY: JOHN! I apologize reverend. FW: it is okay. I just worry about the effect on younger ears like his. ( pointing to billy) may i use your bathroom? MARY: Sure. Iıll go see if he needs help. (exits right. FW exits left. Billy stands up and starts running around with his plane, trips and falls in front of the table. ) CHUCK: (entering with long pole, and his back to the door.) all that was in the bag was some tent stuff. ( he turns around seeing no one) oh, ( billy rubs his head while he lies on the ground.) JOHN : (enter right with Mary) I just need something long so that I can reach my keys. MARY: you dropped them in the engine? JOHN: ( grabbing tent pole) thanks chuck ( exit right) CHUCK: my tuition papers werenıt in that bag. MARY: oh, well they must have been in another bag. CHUCK: I donıt think so. MARY: now whereıs dad? (she exits left. Chuck looks around and seeıs billy. Picking him up) hey man are you okay? letıs go get you a band-aid. JOHN: (holding keyıs and entering) Whereıd you get this pole. Chuck? CHUCK? ( he exits left, and TONY enters left. He looks around, and then FW enters left) TONY:(panicking) look, i didnıt meant to... all I did was... it was all a mistake. FW: what was all a mistake? TONY: well never mind. Did you see a black duffel bag? FW: pardon me but whom are you? TONY: Iım....Iım.....Iım going to be sick. ( he exits left) MARY: (enters) Father! FW: who was that man just in here? MARY: It wasnıt my father was it? FW:no, I know him, it was another gentleman. MARY: oh, thatıs my fiance Tony. FW: he said he was sick. MARY: really? now that you mention it, I feel sort of under the weather myself. FW: you do look pale. MARY: I better go get some aspirin ( she exits left) JOHN: (enters) you know what father, sheıs not looking very good. FW: I know, I just saw her JOHN: sheıs gone down hill since then. FW: since then? JOHN: Yes. sheıs making all sorts of weird noises, and We donıt know what is the matter. FW: oh that poor thing. ( he runs left ,TONY enters) JOHN: jeez, sheıs just a car. ( billy enters, half covered with band-aids. CHUCK follows) TONY: Hey chuck, you didnıt by any chance take a black bag that was here did you? CHUCK: yeah it is in the den. TONY: thanks ( he exitıs left) CHUCK: hey John, I think you might have gotten my bag by mistake. JOHN: yeah this is my tent pole. ( he grabs the pole) CHUCK: well can I go get my bag? JOHN: sure Iıll come with you. ( they exit, Billy sits down) TONY(entering with MARY and tent bag) Mary, Thereıs something I have to show you. ( he closes his eyes and opens the bag) MARY: tent poles? TONY: (looking down)What!? ( the 2 men enter right, eyes wide and faces pale) CHUCK: weıve got a problem (lights fade to black) (lights come up and we see everyone there. MARY and TONY are seated on the couch with CHUCK next to them. JOHN is in the armchair, and FW is pacing behind the couch. Billy is on the floor playing with his airplane) MARY: let me get this straight. you found my father dead.....and you shoved him in a duffel bag! TONY: it was quick thinking. MARY: I donıt believe you ( she runs off left, and tony runs after her) JOHN: so I had my dead father roped down on top of my car all this time! CHUCK: I guess. ( JOHN walks out right) FW: all I can say is good luck to you boy. ( he exits right) CHUCK: I still canıt find my tuition papers. ( he stands and starts to exit left. Billy walks over with the airplane, and gives it to chuck) CHUCK: thanks man( he unfolds it and his eyes light up) MY PAPERS! (Billy now goes over to the bag. He nudges it with his foot, and the bag starts singing) DAD: When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie thatıs amore. CHUCK: ( running over ) itıs a miracle! ( he unzips the bag and out pops DAD. MARY, JOHN, FW, and tony enter. MARY, CHUCK and JOHN hug their father, and TONY, caught up in the spirit grabs FW and gives him a big bear hug. curtain closes. fin
Copyright © 2000 Jesse Weinberg Fizzgig Mcarthur |