Grease (1)
FADE IN:
int – bedroom – morning Dim light breaks through a large window, which has a set of dark blue curtains, half-drawn. The room is spotlessly clean, but sparse. A chest of drawers, a table and a lamp, and a large double bed which holds the even larger forms of a MAN and WOMAN. They SNORE happily. Suddenly, an ALARM CLOCK buzzes into life, filling the room with sound. The two whales in the bed ignore it, and continue to doze. As it rings, the ALARM seems to get ever louder. BARRY QUIMLEY turns over, sitting up. In the gloom we can just about make out the large shape of a balding man, with a large beer belly and week’s worth of stubble. 52, but looks, and feels, an awful lot older. He climbs from the bed, walking over the table and nearly smashing the ALARM CLOCK with a bang. He opens the curtains, and the room is bathed in early morning sunlight. From the bed PAULINE QUIMLEY groans. She’s a large woman, with a head of bright red hair, which comes from a bottle. Late 40’s early 50’s, she’s a coiled ball of hate, and it’s all directed at her loving husband BARRY. pauline Close the bloody curtains you daft bastard. barry It’s time to get up, love. Work waits for no man. Have you seen the time? pauline No. And I don’t care what time it is. Close the curtains. barry Aren’t you going to see Maggie today, love? You’d better get up; it’s nearly eight. (pause) Pauline? She’s SNORING again. cut to: int- kitchen – morning The QUIMLEYS’ beautiful, tailored kitchen. It’s wood panelling, marble worktops, and a brand new AGA cooker, which sits like a god in one corner. BARRY rushes around the kitchen, making himself some breakfast. No sign of PAULINE. He’s dressed now, and he wears tight black trousers, into which he’s tucked an orange shirt. The RADIO is playing in the background, but BARRY is late, and takes very little notice. radio . . . reports that the plague is spreading. Leeds is the latest city to file a report of the dead . . . BARRY pulls toast from the TOASTER, and shoves nearly a whole slice into his mouth, before rushing out through the back door. cut to: ext – fish market – morning A large city MARKET, filled with delivery trucks and people. The sun is shinning, and it’s a perfect morning. CLOSE ON COLIN SPENCER who stands next to a large fish van, checking his watch. BACK TO SCENE COLIN is a small man in his early 50’s. Balding, grey haired, and always nervous looking. He’s dressed in white overalls, which are stained with something resembling blood. He looks at his watch again, scanning the crowded MARKET. EXT – FISH MARKET – MORNING ANOTHER ANGLE BARRY pushes through the crowd, nearly getting run over by a large FISH TRUCK. The driver shouts at him as he hurries away, headed towards COLIN. EXT – FISH MARKET – MORNING COLIN waves to BARRY, who pushes past a pair of men holding a large FISH. COLIN (shouts) Baz, over here. BARRY walks over. He’s knackered, and his big chest heaves with the effort of the run through the MARKET. COLIN Morning. You’re abit late, mate. BARRY I know, sorry. Pauline wouldn’t get up. COLIN smiles widely, knodding his head in a very knowing way. COLIN Oh, I get it. BARRY It’s not like that! COLIN Well, I can understand, she’s a very pretty woman. BARRY I wasn’t having . . . well; I wasn’t doing naughty things with my wife, Colin. She wouldn’t get up, and I spent ten minutes trying to wake the bitch. I left here there in the end, stinking of her own sweat. colin Oh. (beat) You’re not getting on again, are you? BARRY No. There was some arguing last night. COLIN Again? BARRY She said I smelt of fish. COLIN Baz, you run a chip shop. Comes with the job. BARRY I know. You try telling her that. I don’t know what’s wrong with her, I really don’t. I can’t understand her anymore. They head off to a large WAREHOUSE. CUT TO: INT – FISH WAREHOUSE – MORNING It’s a large chiller, where FISH are lined up against the walls, packed in ice. BARRY and COLIN walk through, greeting the workers, who know them. COLIN Is she going through the change? BARRY How would I bloody know? I just know she’s been at my back for bloody ages. COLIN Don’t let it bother you, mate. Women were put on this earth to annoy the working man. Trust me, I know. barry But, you’re divorced? COLIN Exactly, I learnt the hard way. They stop at a rack of FISH, which has been placed on a TROLLY. There’s a name tag, with the words QUIMLEY written in a sloppy handwriting. BARRY takes the TROLLY, and starts pushing it back towards the doors. cut to: ext – house – morning Establishing shot of the QUIMLEY household. It’s a perfect house, with perfect windows, and a perfect garden. cut to: INT – BEDROOM – MORNING PAULINE is still in bed. She’s wheeled the T.V. and telephone into the bedroom, and now lays ontop of the bed watching early morning talk shows and eating crisps. The perfect morning. The PHONE rings, and she reaches over to pick it up. PAULINE (into PHONE) Yes? Hello? (sexy voice) Oh, hello. cut to: EXT – ROAD – morning A busy street, which leads out onto a large road. There are a set of run down shops here, a POST OFFICE, a PAPER SHOP, an OFF LICENCE. And a small FISH SHOP, which bears the name: FISHY FINGERS A VAN pulls up outside, and BARRY and COLIN climb out. barry Looks like a good day for business, aye, Col? COLIN Yeah, it’s hot. That’ll draw them posh bastards out of the office block over there on their dinner hour. We could make a killing today. barry See? Pauline said I was mad to buy a fish and chip shop. Mad? The money I’ve made in the first year has enabled me to buy a new car, a shed and a patio. COLIN Which isn’t finished. BARRY Well, yeah, but I’ve got the money to buy one, mate, that’s the difference. He smiles lovingly at the SHOP. BARRY Before I had Fishy Fingers, mate, I didn’t have a penny to scratch my arse with. Now look at me. COLIN stares at him, shaking his head. colin What? BARRY Well, I’ve got a penny haven’t I? COLIN Have you? BARrY Yes. COLIN Good for you. BARRY Do you care? COLIN No. BARRY (sighs) Unload the pissing fish. They begin to unload the FISH from the VAN. cut to: ext – house – day The QUIMLEY’S house. In V.O. we hear: pauline (V.O.) Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh YES! You’re so good, so much better than my fat bastard of a husband . . . oh yes . . . cut to: INT – FISH SHOP – DAY A spotless counter leads all along the right side of the shop. To the left a set of white-topped tables have been set out with chairs. Each table has menu, and sauces. This is a very classy place, for a chip shop, that is. Posters on the walls declare the latest deals in fishy delights. BARRY is slumped against the counter, staring at the door. barry I mean, if she doesn’t love me, why doesn’t she say so? COLIN is mixing BATTER. He stops what he’s doing to think about the question. colin Well, I thought she did. She told you last Christmas, remember? We were down the pub. She told you . . . barry I remember what she said, thank you. There’s no need to rip the skin of that scab. That doesn’t count. She was drunk. (beat) I’m talking about sober. Why doesn’t she just bloody tell when she’s sober? colin Because she doesn’t need to. Throwing things has the same effect. You’re just going through the change with her, mate. It’s a rough time. Believe me, I know. Barry You keep saying that, Colin, but you’re single. You don’t know what I’m going through. COLIN I used to though, didn’t I? I’ve seen it all. It all works out in the end. God steps in and changes it, mate. Look at me. Now I’m divorced, she’s dead, and all’s well. Barry slumps again, looking back towards the open door and the street outside. cut to: int – bedroom – DAY PAULINE is laid out on the bed, and she isn’t alone. Laid next to her is the frail, almost painful, shape of an old man. He smiles up at with love and lust. REG ASKY, 85. He’s the local Romeo and he’s had his eye on PAULINE for some time. And now he’s had more than just his eyes on her. PAULINE That was lovely, Reg. I’m all sweaty now. REG I aim to please. (he begins coughing) By god, you’re challenge, Pauline Quimley. I was banging away like no bodies business, for what, three minutes at least. (he coughs again) Bloody good, though. PAULINE smiles a wide, viper-like smile. PAULINE You see, that’s the difference between you and my husband, Reg. You’re experienced with women. Barry’s only experience with a woman before me came in a magazine. When we first got together, I’m sure he was amazed there was no staples across me tits. She breaks into laughter. REG coughs loudly, trying his hardest to join in. When the coughing becomes too much, he abandons the laughter in favour of an all-out coughing fit that racks his little body all over. PAULINE Bloody hell, are you alright, Reg? REG Yes. (coughing) I’m fine, darling. It’s . . . it’s all the excitement. I’ll be fine in a sec, just give me a . . . minute, alright? (coughing) Bloody hell . . . PAULINE climbs from the bed. She pulls a pink dressing gown around her girth, and stands watching him, nervous. pauline You’re not going to die, are you, Reg? I mean, it’s bad enough that we’ve just been shagging each other’s brains out in the bed I share with my husband, but how’d you think finding a dead bloke in it will look? REG I’ll be fine. I just need a . . . glass of water, ok? PAULINE Ok. You stay there, darling. Don’t try to move, will you? You just lay there, and I’ll go and get you a glass. She heads out of the room. cut to: INT – FISH SHOP – DAY The shop is still deserted. BARRY is sat reading the PAPER, but constantly looks up towards the door, every time someone outside passes. colin (pointing to BARRY’S PAPER) Anything about that plague? The news this morning said it’d spread as far out as Leeds. BARRY rustles through the pages. barry They’re over reacting again, Col. Just like the Government to blow something like this all to shit. They get a plague that kills a few buggers and they say it’s a world crisis. Pissing hell, it wouldn’t have been like this if Churchill was still about. He’d have gone there and shot the fuckers before they had a chance to pass it on. colin Well, it looks bloody dangerous to me. What does the paper say? BARRY Oh, here we are. (reads) Killer Plague Hits Leeds: The ever growing threat of total plague contamination grew one step closer last night, when the first reports of victims came out of Leeds, bringing the total of cities affected to 6. So far to date, there have been cases of the killer virus taking victims in London, Birmingham, Hull, Lincoln, Bath and Oxford. The virus, known only as Septum X, is believed to be part of a so-called dirty bomb, which had been planned by the terror organisation Al-Queeda. The bomb attempt was stopped, almost at the last minute, but it is believe that some of the virus has escaped into the air. Such a small amount will kill in small numbers, and it is hoped, with the drifting of the wind in recent weeks, that it will have passed the country and be out to sea in the next few days. He throws the PAPER down. barry Bloody hell. Septum X? I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t let this into the air themselves. COLIN Who? BARRY The government. Quick way to lower the over crowding problem, ain’t it? Kill them with an air born virus? Well, it hasn’t spread this far out yet, so we’re alright. You don’t feel ill, do you? COLIN Nope. BARRY Then get back to stirring that batter, you idle little bastard. COLIN Sorry. He gets back to work. cut to: int – kitchen – day PAULINE is franticly trying to find a clean glass, opening cupboards and checking on shelves. In V.O. we can hear COUGHING, which is getting ever more worse. She finally finds a clean glass, and rushes over to the sink. PAULINE (shouts) Hold in there, love, I’ll be there in a second! She fills the glass, and then notices something. The COUGHING has stopped completely. cut to: ext – road – day Long lines of people are queuing up outside FISHY FINGERS. They’re all dressed in business suits, shirts and ties. The people from the office block over the way. And they’re all hungry. int – fish shop – day BARRY and COLIN are rushing around behind the counter, serving customers in a flash. People spill through the doors, and it’s manic in there. barry Would you like scampi with that? People fill the tables, laughing, chatting. MOBILE PHONES are ringing all the time, and it’s almost deafening in here now. int – fish shop – day ANOTHER ANGLE COLIN is throwing fish onto greased paper, wiping sweat from his head. Behind him, BARRY is wrapping bag after bag of hot CHIPS. COLIN Told you! It’s the sun, brings them out like maggots. Customers stare at him. He smiles back at them. cut to: int – bedroom – day PAULINE pushes the door open, peeking inside. CLOSE ON HER FACE which fills with horror at the sight that meets her. BACK TO SCENE REG is laid on the bed, staring directly up at the ceiling. He isn’t moving very much. That could have something to do with the fact that he’s DEAD. PAULINE Love? She steps slowly into the room, petrified. pauline Reg, love, don’t muck about. Come on, I’ve got you a glass of water. No response. She walks to the bed, and gingerly reaches out a hand. Fear over takes her, and she pulls her hand back, not wanting to touch him. She takes a deep breath. She pushes the BODY. pauline You bastard. You bastard, you bastard bastard’s bastard. She breaks down. cut to: int – fish shop – day The last of the customers are now leaving the shop. BARRY and COLIN stand behind the counter, a wide smile on their faces. BARRY That’ll be the last of them, then. Blimey, we’ve made a bit of money today. I might even be able to buy Pauline that coat we’ve been talking about. Colin
Copyright © 2002 Mark Timothy Dickson |