Silicone
E Rocco Caldwell

 




There were all those nebulous memories of his bathing mother that crept up on him during the long train rides into the city as he stared at the orange maples, yellow hillsides and silver lakes that ambled pass outside the window. His dreams were at times laced with the vague recollections of her breasts and private parts when she was a younger woman. She allowed him to watch her bathe when he was but a child no more than three or four and the memories had remained in his head but he was unsure as to why. He recalled holding his father's hand as he and his mother held long conversations bathing with the skill of a surgeon. In times memories like those turned to silicone or plastic, pretty much plain artificial. The reminiscences of his mother had nothing Oedipus about them they were just memories that stained his mind like graffiti on a school wall. Eventually they led him to be inquisitive concerning the female anatomy. It was beautiful so different from a man's the female body was enriched with desire. The contours of her body like the contours of the hillsides with everything natural spilled down into the crevice that all life sprung. He quenched his thirst with magazines filled with naked women. His bedroom closet stacked with issue after issue building a monument of sorts to the perfection of God's greatest creation.
There was something wrong with him and whatever it was it followed him like a shadow. Was it insanity? Isn't madness a desire of sorts that twist reality?
He wasn't an attractive man and with the onslaught of age came hair lost and storage of fat around the oblique. He would stare at his round babyish face reflective in the window of the train through all types of weather. His round glasses made him look like his profession, a chemist. A life without female companionship made him devote his energies to his mother and soon she had become the center of his life. His mother died suddenly when he was thirty-three leaving him on his own. The lost of her left a huge void in him. The house on the lake was empty and at night scary to be in alone and the thoughts at times could master him. He grew afraid of what he might do if the desires were left capped building like steam in a pressure cooker? The Internet helped him to release some of the steam you could say as he intermingled in chat rooms and online dating services. He once was in an online relationship with a teenage girl named Roxanne. She sent him nude photographs of herself and he even schemed a plan that would get her to come from Washington State to where he lived. He ended that relationship because it was against the law he told himself but it was because his picture turned her off. The hunt consumed much of his life but eventually he found a woman close to his own age. She was a professional living in upstate. She had never been married and sought out a man of sound profession and intellect.
When he married he did it out of desire, strong sexual desire built up over three decades, unfortunately for him his wife saw marriage as just a binding contract between two people to amass as much wealth as capable. She wasn't secretive about her reasons for marrying him. He, uncomfortable about the arrangement, accepted it believing in due time things would change. On their wedding night she forced him to sleep on the couch after he attempted several times to remove her gown and in the few years of their marriage he saw her naked only a handful of times. The first time he saw her naked was after her company's New Year's Eve party. She had several hard drinks and by the time the New Year celebration occurred she was too drunk to stand on her own. He helped her to their hotel room and began to undress her just to make her comfortable. She was lying there in just her bra and panties when he finished. The urges crawled up his spine like a litany of spiders filling him with blood and need. He shook her gently to see if she would response but only moans. She was his wife the shadow argued and he had the right. So he unclasped her bra and removed her panties to stare at her naked slim body. He must have stared at her for an hour unable to control his urge he masturbated standing a few feet from his naked wife. The second time he managed to convince her to have some wine for their fourth anniversary. She agreed but warned him she wasn't going to end up drunk like at the New Year's celebration. It seemed ironic that she would say that considering he was trying to get her drunk so he could undress her just like what happened at New Year's. The process took most of the night but eventually she was drunk enough for him to undress her again and do as he did before. His sexual relationship with his wife had become voyeuristic and nothing more. At their home he would watch her through the small hole he drilled from the den to the bathroom taking showers and baths over five years. He never complained to her concerning the lack of physical sex because it wouldn't have mattered. She was Calvinistic and sex was dirty even animalistic. She had always been upfront concerning her reasons for marriage.
So he decided to consume him self in chemistry. He convinced his wife to allow him to set up a makeshift lab in the small barn on their estate. At first she questioned it but when he began spending long night in the lab she considered it a good investment to keep him from their bed longer. She had felt his eyes on her as she lay in bed like ants crawling over her body. Whatever he did in the lab was his business as long as he stayed there.
He gathered grain alcohol, some Sani-flush and sulfuric acid. He put 350milliliter of anhydrous alcohol (Distill pure grain alcohol.) into a 600milliliter flask and put a 2-hole stopper into the top. He then placed bleach and 1 tablespoon of 'Sani-flush' into a clean 500milliliter flask than drilled a second hole-stopper into the top then he attached a fish tank aerator to the flask by a length of plastic tubing and inserted this tubing into the top of the stopper. He connected the remaining opening of the flask to one of the openings to the first flask using another piece of plastic tubing. Chlorine gas started to bubble through the alcohol into another glass tubing chlorinating the flask. He poured the contexts into a Pyrex dish to cool and it formed a large amount of crystals. Then he poured concentrated sulfuric acid into the pure chloral hydrate. He heated that mixture until it formed a solution, which he stirred for a few minutes. He followed several other heating and cooling processes until he eventually had pure chloral hydrate or knockout drops. He tried the drops out on the cat. It knocked the cat out so deeply that he thought he had killed it. It was a few hours later that the cat reached consciousness and he knew his drops were a success.
Over the years of taking care of his mother he had learned to cook and in the five years he was married he cooked most of the meals. He knew she loved wine with Italian food so whenever he got into the mood to see her naked he would promise her Italian food and bring home a bottle of wine. At dinner he laced her glass of wine with the chloral hydrate and she would drop into unconsciousness. Now it was his time to see her and he took full opportunity by laying her out in ways he could photograph her nude body. He wasn't hurting anyone because she was his wife! He never had sex with her just watch and satisfied himself. At first it wasn't that often maybe twice in a six month period but soon he was knocking her out once a week causing her to become concerned. He stopped after she said if she had another blackout she would set up a medical visit knowing if she went in for a check up a blood analysis would reveal levels of chloral hydrate in her body.
The magazines didn't help sooth his growing urges or the viewing of her though the peephole. He found himself frustrated even more and spending hours on the Internet in pornographic websites. The reoccurring memories of his mother's naked body sat on his mind like a load. He thought of her more and more as the train headed into the city. There was soap all over her chest and she was letting him pour water on top of her head and it made its way between her mounts and neck. He thought when he knocked his wife out with the drops he should have had sex with her. It was his right wasn't it? The sounds of the train's metal wheel against the tracks still had a relaxing affect on him. He stilled enjoyed watching the city move by.
The women at work became objects of interests as they passed him or sat at their desks. His eyes wandering over their bodies like vagabonds. He would ask him self what sort of lingerie they wore if not lace and than what? He found himself waiting for crowded elevator cars so he could rub against one of the women letting the arousal reach near peak of ejaculation. The sheer thought of getting away with it excited him but after a few times women began to complain and he found himself defending his reputation in front of his boss. It was difficult but he stopped the rubbing against woman and took in just their delightful scents and by lunch he was in the bathroom with one of his magazines releasing him self. Something was happening to him that he couldn't control. It could cost him his job and everything he worked for in his life. The train rides home he fell into depression and he knew something had to happen.
It was only so long before he sought out another woman to sooth his monstrous compulsion finding the woman through the Internet. He lingered for days over what it would cost him to get involved with her and how he could possibly get away with it. But he was sharp and created a plan. He knew the woman wouldn't mind the apartment he would set her up in even though it was in the worst part of town. Everything would have to be done in the strictest secrecy. There would be some difficulty moving her in the apartment something he could accomplish late one night while his wife was away on business in New Jersey. The apartment would be simple but clean something he demanded. Sure it would lack many of the comforts of his home but she wouldn't need much; a tiny living room connected to a small kitchen area that opened to the broken down neighborhood. The bedroom would be the area he spent the most money. He provided the room with a small television and a large bed. The closest would be filled with lingerie he particularly chose for her to wear. The problem he faced rested in getting the money. He was looking at thousands of dollars and his wife studiously handle on their finances would make it impossible for him to draw the money out of their account. So he sold items of his mother's placing the money in a hidden account. It was this account he set everything up for his mistress.
The night he met her it rained and a wind blew in from the East River. The street was silent and strangely emptied. He had rented a car where she waited inside as he went into the apartment building and unlocked the apartment front door. In his mind everything needed to be performed with the flawlessness of a Swiss watch. It was imperative no one saw them. He was successful getting her inside the apartment unseen and he stress the next day to the super of the apartment complex never to bother her.
At night he would lay with her in his arms her skin smooth against his naked narrow chest. The scent of her hair gave him a comfortable feeling. They would watch TV a few hours and than have sex. When his wife left for her over night business trips, they would have sex several times a night depending on how many times he awakened. She never complained and he knew it was because she never had it so good. Being with her he was able to control the other urges and the memories of his mother faded from his mind. He would stop by the apartment after work everyday and have sex with his mistress and than head home on the last train out. He lied to his wife why he was getting home late telling her he was working late. This went on for over a month before his wife grew suspicious. It wasn't long afterwards she called his place of employment to discover he had never worked late. The thoughts of her security turned to fear as she considered that her husband was having an affair. Would he leave her for the other woman? How could she pay for the big house and other fine things? She knew it was because she wouldn't let him touch her.
One day his wife asked him if they were growing apart? Where they ever together? She was serious staring at him across the breakfast table still holding the Wall Street Journal in one hand and the morning sun shimmering off her brown hair. He didn't know what to tell her so he only shook his head. That was when she knew he was having an affair. He escaped to his mistress. It was a cold winter night a few days before Christmas and he had been thinking about her all day. He wanted to see her in the black bra and panties and they would talk a little concerning his dying relationship with his wife. He would promise her again that eventually he would leave his wife for her. The typical thoughts he had all the time. She gave him what he really wanted, total devotion and sex! How could his wife measure up to that? Wasn't a marriage more than just companionship? He had needs, strong sexual needs and his wife had made him suppress them over fifteen years. He kissed his mistress and both bathed together before he headed home.
That night while he watched television his wife sat beside him and asked him to come to bed. She undressed in front of him and slipped in the bed beside him. He knew she was going to let him make love to her for the first time ever in their marriage but the thought of it repulsed him. Her skin wasn't the right texture or her hair the right scent. Her body moved and sagged in places where his mistress's body didn't. What was her sudden reason? He pushed away from his wife totally nauseous over the thought of sex with her. She stared confusingly at him. It was what he always wanted and now he didn't want it! Those long nights at work and her many business trips played inside her head and the possibility of an affair reemerged. She begged him to tell her if he was having an affair. He didn't answer her. She told him she was sorry for the years she refused to give him herself and that things were going to change if he just gave her a chance! But his mistress had become a fetish to him, the way she felt and her scent! His wife could never stimulate him ever again! He made his decision that night and left her for the small apartment on the bad part of town with the only woman submissive to his urges. His wife followed him to the apartment in another taxi.
She stood outside the apartment staring up at the window where a light turned on not long after her husband entered the apartment building. The snow made her feet numb through her boots. After a few moments she managed to approach the super and asked him a series of questions giving him money to let her into the apartment. He agreed taking her up the dilapidated stairs to the paint chipped door. He quietly opened the door with his set of keys and left her standing in the center of the apartment. It was a clean apartment and she could hear the splashing of water coming from the bathroom. They were together probably in the act of sex and that frightened her but she had to confront it. She had her own sexual disorder and would compromise with him and his mistress. They could be together but he had to promise her he wouldn't divorce her and destroy the cocoon she worked the last five years to woven. It was a win-win situation and her husband was a very intelligent man! She walked to the bathroom door and turned the handle slowly as to not disturb them but to catch them in the act. She opened the door and there he was standing naked with a pot of water pouring it over the head of the woman. The woman was covered with soap and not a protest rose from her lips. But how could a protest come from the lips of a silicone sex doll?


 

 

Copyright © 2003 E Rocco Caldwell
Published on the World Wide Web by "www.storymania.com"