A One Night Stand It was a Thursday. “Hey Susan, this skirt looks so wonderful on you”, complimented my best friend and my colleague, Pam, as soon as I entered my workplace. I accepted the compliment and replied in a hushed “thank you”. She knew it very well that expressing myself out in the public was not my cup of tea. A very shy kind of a creature, that I am, always responds in hushed voice to compliments that are sometimes even not audible to people! Strange but true. Some say I am arrogant enough not to reply to anything strongly. Some genuinely understand me, I believe, and express their sympathy. But then all said and done, I am who I was and am going to be myself for a long time. I reached my cubicle and as everyday, started browsing through my electronic mails. Yes, I am a software professional. Not that I was keenly interested in computers from the very beginning or say, suddenly from some point of my life, but it just was so that my life has landed me here amidst the people who call themselves the logic-inventors and implementers! Having been brought up and taken my education from a very small town far away from the influence of any crowded city, I was taught to be simple and dedicated to my job. I had completed one of the heaviest assignments yesterday, had a pat from my boss for the first time and felt on the ninth cloud. Some people would envy me for getting to it so soon in my career. Well, sometimes I feel how indifferent I am to my job, though I am considered to be pretty successful in it! Not that I dislike any part of it, but in particular, what I appreciate the most is the availability of free internet all the time. Initially this same thing called Internet, used to drive me crazy. All the information that is on the internet is so huge that one life is not at all sufficient for getting into the skin of even any one field! But here I was, getting access to all this information, all at a go, to most of which I was completely ignorant. Soon, I adapted myself to accessing and deriving only that part of the web, where I was supposed to concentrate for my job. To be specific, all the technical documentations and the long codes that were available free out there to help me begin my project stuff, not from the scratch! But I would confess that this is not the only thing that I have learnt to do on the internet in these many days that I am exposed to it. In fact, it is something entirely different and distant from my job that has appealed to me the most. It would be correct to state that my sub-conscious desire to live a life that is entirely different from my own, was now stimulated. Slowly but surely, I began a strong desire to feel and live my virtual self that was so different, so ever-smiling and so beautiful. I longed to live the life that was not me, simultaneously with the real life that I was in. I would like to make it clear that this was not at all a reason for me being sad or unsatisfied with my real life. But it was just so that I wanted to be in it most of the time. What I thought of, when I was at home, when I was out of my workplace, was nothing but to return to it, so that I could live more of it. And long working hours was just a part of the daily routine that I had made for myself in order to be in my virtual life more than my real life. Now returning to the particular day, I had nothing much to do at my job, which I remember oh! so vividly. Having gone through all the Spam, the Friendship and Love stuff, and some other official mails, I felt relieved. The large window just the side of my cubicle gave the entire view of the city that I was in. I have been sitting at this very place since the time I joined the firm and was temporarily assigned a workplace! I went out with Pam for a coffee and listened to the never-ending saga of herself and her boyfriend. Pam knows me very well. We have been together since our college days. She even knows where I would react and where I would not, in the conversations we have. She stops, whenever she gets a hint of me wanting to say something. So much so that I sometime wonder if she knows that after a certain point I get really bored with all the chocolate she talks about! I knew that I won’t have much to do in office that day. So I had brought a novel to my workplace. It was some romantic novel by Shana Abe. “She writes with such emotion …” was the beginning of the book review which made me buy this one when I was passing through the book-store that morning. Then sitting at my place for an hour or two and going through the word “love” for almost countless times, I felt a hunger-less desire to have my lunch. So, I called Pam for the same, to which she could not affirm as she had an urgent meeting. And there I was having my lunch in a huge canteen, alone and cold. Throughout the lunch there was only one thought that crossed my mind again and again – the idea of LOVE. Falling in love, being in love, living with your love and loving your love – why has all this not happened to me till now? I am successful, attractive, pretty, lovely and am still twenty four. Was this all just some fantasy that existed only in books or did something as real as this existed? Nostalgic that I was becoming thinking of all this again and again, I sensed a strong desire within me to return to my virtual life, as soon as possible. I did the same, left my lunch in the mid, returned to my cubicle and logged on to some chat room, that I don’t remember very clearly. I prefer to use my screen-name as Julia, God knows why! Unaware of the fact that, this was the beginning of one of the most memorable experiences of my life, I began chatting. “Hello Room” “Hi Julia” “Whas up guyz?” “Nothn! Its just boring out here!” “Can’t be! Such a bright day 2day!” “Yeah baby! It surely rocks.” “mmm…” “Why are you here Julia?” “Pardon me!” “I asked: Why are u here Julia?” “Just for the same reason u are here, u moron!” I had never ever talked to anyone in my life this way. But addressing someone this way was so exciting that I just relished every part of it. “I am Nick” “Ok! So?” “Will u like to spend the evening with me Julia?” “Sorry! Is it not too early to ask for this?” “I do not think so!” “It seems u r drunk!” “No not at all! Perfectly in my senses!” For the first time ever someone appeared to be as straight forward as this guy seemed! I had always liked and admired daring and adventurous men! I had already begun liking the conversation we were having. For that I had even ignored other invitations for chatting. But there was always this other self of mine which barred me from accepting anything so soon. What if this was psycho? There is such a thin line between perfect gentlemen and psychos after all! “Ur asl plz?” “26 m Santa Monica” “ur stats” “I wonder if u want just to meet! (kiddin)” “Where are u?” “at work” “same here” “Wanna meet?” ”don’t u want to ask me anything?” “I am here just to spend one evening!” But this was the exactly the thing for which everyone was there on the chat. What made this guy different was his approach for spending the evening. Such an irresistible charm! Am I kidding myself? What if he is a fake? I may land myself into trouble if I continue! “I suppose you work Julia. Where?” “I cant tell dat 2 strangers.” “Fine! I am a jewellery designer by profession!” “Aha!” What an interesting job! I thought to myself! I had always wanted to be a designer! “So where do u wanna meet? And what time?” This was getting very fast. I was feeling as if time is running faster than its usual self and I am becoming slower and slower. I was intoxicated and already felt so carried away! I became a complete deaf to my other self. We get very few opportunities of breaking away from ourselves and I did not want to loose this chance. Somehow I felt compelled to move ahead with anything that comes my way this time! As if everything had come to a standstill for me to meet the guy who calls himself Nick! “Ur number please” “I do not have a num” (I lied) “Ok where do u wanna meet?” “Anywhere near the central mall” (I consciously chose the most crowded place) “I will wait for u there 7 onwards. This is my number. Bye!” He gave me his number and I could not bid him bye as by then he was logged out. It was six now. And I knew that I would take less than half an hour to reach the place. By now, I had gotten rid of any inhibitions that were in my thoughts for meeting this guy. And I was ready to face anything, whatever happen may. Having brought up in a very catholic environment, it is inherent in me not to visit any tempting places – no bars no pubs. I am not one who can assimilate the pub culture. So I meet less of guys but this does not mean I have a poor sex-life. I have had some of the most handsome guys as my lovers and have spent many evenings giving and receiving the pleasure of sex. All of them I had met at the common friends’ parties and went with them only if I was sure they were not drunk. But I always made sure to return to my rented room to sleep and not spend the night at their places. But this experience was something that I had expected the least, something that was so very different. I had never really desired to “live” my virtual life. I was happy keeping it a part of my survival. But that was exactly what I was going to do. For the first time I was meeting someone masking myself with a strange lady called Julia. Just when I was about to leave the office, I was called in by my boss who gave me the job of some minor changes in the documentation of the project and that would take at least three hours. I called up Nick on my mobile phone and said I won’t be free till nine tonight. The reply was, “I will wait. Do not worry. Is this your number?”. “No not mine, given to me by the office for official work”, I lied and kept the phone down. I finished the work before time and triumphantly moved outside the office doors without looking at anyone. Just as I was making myself comfortable in the cab, Nick called me up. “What will you have for dinner?” “Where are you precisely?” “I am at the Shingri-La restaurant on the mall. Thought that you will be hungry and tired, after all the day’s work. So wanted to place the orders by the time you reach.” “Do not order anything non-vegetarian or Chinese please!” “I am in a Chinese restaurant!” “If that is the case, veg-noodles will do.” “Ok. I am waiting” My heart throbbed like a bouncing ping-pong ball by the time I landed at the doors of the restaurant. Was this the Chinese effect or something natural, I was not sure. I called Nick on his cell and finally located him on a table besides the pillar behind which he seemed to be completely hidden. “Hello Julia, this is Nick.” “Hi! I am, so sorry for the moron thing. I … ” (Again the whispering tone came in from nowhere.) “Hey! Now that is ok. How have you been doing?” “Oh! I am fine. How are you?” “Good! Just wanted to talk to someone desperately.” “So! Here I am.” There was no time for me to think anything about the man I was seeing for the first time. He was charming for sure. Just the way I had visualized him to be. Tall and well maintained physique, long hair, he surely seemed a designer. His smile was his asset and his perfume was oh so mesmerizing! “You know, there has been such a long time I was having my dinner alone that I desperately was looking for someone. I have been alone without my fiancé for almost three months now. She is returning the next week.” “What a man!” I thought. “Seeking someone to sleep with in absence of his fiancé? Poor lady!” Meanwhile the food was being served. He had ordered mixed chow mien and mine was the vegetarian version. He added five spoons of vinegar to my noodles and told that this would make it tastier. I had a coke and he took a glass of vodka! “She works for the Red Cross. She has been away for the Earthquake relief to Iran since so long that …” “…that you want to have sex desperately now”, I thought, not hearing what he told. “We talk usually though”, he smiled and said. Something was happening to my stomach. Was it because of the Chinese stuff I dislike so much or because of the smell of vodka, I was not sure. “Please forgive me for being myself but I am like this. I talk so much that strangers begin to feel as if I am known to them since ages.” “How true”, I said. I smiled. We both smiled. Throughout this conversation, there was no hint for any physical desire from his side. I was opening up a bit now and we talked about the earthquake, the rain, the restaurant’s interior, his family and background and finally about myself. He was having the vodka in sips by now. But slowly the amount began increasing. “You will be ok. Right?”, I asked. “Oh! Yeah sure! Alcohol does not affect me!” “I mean it’s the strongest alcohol.” “I will be fine. Do not worry. Do you not have wine?” “No I do not”, I said. “You know what, when I was small, my grand father always used to say that you should try everything in this world once. And only once you have tried things you should decide, based on various parameters, whether the thing is worth you or not!” “I agree.” “So! Want to taste vodka?” “No!” We both laughed so loudly and now I was feeling a strange sense of freedom. Was it the influence of the smell of vodka, I was not sure. It was almost half past ten now. “Can I stay at your place tonight?” I asked feeling shocked at myself of what I was speaking. “Yeah sure you can.” He continued after a brief silence, “Actually, this is the place that we had met for the first time you know! I saw her for the first time in the central mall. She was with her friends. At that time I did not have courage to go and talk to her. She was with guys all the time and I thought she must be having a boyfriend. But then I somehow saw her pictures on the Red-Cross website and contacted her. Soon we became friends and it was a year ago that we met here, right at this place. You know, she presented me a soft stuffed monkey when we met for the first time. She calls me her monkey! I miss her so badly! Do you want to see her Julia?” “Yes, sure” “These are her photographs. She is so cute and lovable”, he said taking out the photographs from his cream coloured leather bag promising to show me more of them at his home. And she was really pretty! Rich blonde hair, blue eyes, a flashing smile and the love for him in her eyes, only a woman can see it in another woman’s eyes! “She sure is beautiful. What is her name?” “Julia”, he smiled and said, without looking at me. There was no explanation required for why he wanted to meet me at this place. All parts of the puzzle were falling into the right place by now. And there was now much more of conversation happening than we were actually talking. We did not talk for a while after that. He kept on looking at the photographs, as if for the first time and I was doing that for sure. He had one more glass of vodka after which he paid the bill. He did not let me have even a look at the bill. Finishing his drink, he chewed the left out ice. “How can you chew ice?” I was really astonished at the ease he was doing that. I had tried doing that in my childhood days and ended up with chilled up teeth and gums. The feeling was really bad. “I love doing this!” We got up and left the restaurant. He showed me the way to his home as if I was a child and he was the guide showing me my lost path. We walked together in the heavy fog as if we had done that many times before and his house was only at a walk able distance. “Come in and please feel at home!” by now, he was tired and a little sluggish in whatever he was speaking. He gave me a pair of pajamas and I changed to them. He was only in his shorts and I could see he had not worn his undergarment. Two beds were lying separated and I could see the monkey resting quite visibly on the pillows of one bed. “Should we join them?” I asked. “No! I think there is no need for that. This bed is big enough to accommodate both of us” he said. And I sat on the bed and demanded the photographs of the real Julia as he had promised. He handed me two entire albums of her photographs and I started browsing through them. Meanwhile he got a call on his cell and it was Julia. He was lost in another world altogether for next half an hour. It was some kind of a strange element that seemed to be present in everything that was happening. The conversation he was having on the phone, the photographs that I was looking at, the faint odor of vodka, the monkey that rested on the pillows, all seemed to draw me to something very unknown, something very unexplored. I was just unable to understand the feeling that made this man to be with a strange woman in absence of his fiancé. Did he love her? Yes, he did and he did from the very core of his heart and soul. He loved her so much. Or did he really? How can I know the ways of love, I have never known or seen a couple in love with each other! I was feeling suffocated by the weight of all that I was thinking. So much that I opened the window and let the chilled air come in. Though I was covered in a complete nightdress, Nick was wearing just a pair of shorts. So he was really chilled with the shock of the cold breeze that hit him when he was in his talk. But he seemed to be so lost. I could see the hair all over his body rising because of the cold. Though he had been half nude till now, it was the first time, since the time we met, that I felt I was looking at a man. The stretch of his veins seemed so prominent now. The cut of his muscles more visible and his voice more manly. His blonde hair falling on his forehead seemed as a statue of some Greek god that I had read about in the novel this morning. Suddenly I felt his masculinity so attractive, so charismatic and so powerful, drawing all of me towards him. I did not want to resist. Somewhere, I do not remember clearly when I heard him say, “I love you Julia”. I switched the lights off and lied down on the bed engrossed in the same feeling. It was so strong that now I had succumbed to it. I did not resist any of the thoughts that came to my mind. In the darkness I could hear only his voice that was growing gruffer by time, but that was still so appealing. Then I don’t know when I slowly drifted into the unconscious. I did not know when he completed his talk on the phone, and what time it was when I felt him covering me with a blanket and he himself getting into it. I felt one of his hands under my head, giving me support. I tried to help him by lifting my head. Then I felt his other hand hold me, falling on my chest. I did not resist. I could hear his normal breathing pattern, and was trying to make it less obvious how breathless I was getting because of the hard beating heart of mine, in that situation. Then after a while, he kissed me on my cheek and said good night. I replied the same in my hushed voice. I could sense the smell of vodka getting denser. My eyes were so heavy but remained wide open, my heart trying to plunge out of my chest in that intoxication of vodka. I could see his lips shining in the little light that was in the room because of the window panes. They seemed so satisfied, so content! Slowly, I felt the same contentment within myself. I was drawing to peace because of him, till the rhythm of our heart-beats had matched. I felt it was getting warmer as he had closed the window. I was, for some unobvious reason feeling so happy, so at peace with myself that I just did not want the night to pass by. I just did not want to lose those moments unconscious in my sleep! He had closed his eyes long ago and I felt him drawing to sleep. I felt all of him by me, the warmth of his entire body from his head to the toe, by my side. After a long silence I asked him, “When did you say is she returning?” “The next Thursday, just after a week”, he said. And there again started a wild imagination of my mind in which I saw him and me sitting and spending oceans of time with each other. Sitting in the same restaurant having Chinese noodles, and chatting about his work, his designs to which I too might contribute, his collections and all that we could, every day. Everyday, till she comes, the real Julia! Then he suddenly spoke in a drunken tone without a pause keeping his eyes closed, “We won’t be meeting after today, right?” And I did not know why, I said “right!” “Promise that you will delete my number from your phone book.” “Yes I do” came out with such ease that I never had in doing anything so far in my life. I never understood what he had spoken, what I had answered, and why both of had done so. We laid there in silence and darkness for a long while and I do not remember when I went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and found a note stating “Thank you for one night of your life”. I did as I had promised and left his house. I got no contact of him after that. Soon I shifted out of Santa Monica and I have never been to that place in all these years. But at lonely nights, I still smell vodka.
Copyright © 2005 Animesh Kar |