Reflections
Jennifer Nobile Raymond

 



Have you ever done something so completely opposite to your daily routine, it seemed at the time that you were a totally different person? Like you were outside of yourself, watching what was going on, detached from the scene, yet fully aware of your senses?

I was on the M15 bus last night, on my way to meet my boyfriend at a midtown bar. It had started raining just as I left my Upper West Side apartment; I heard the hard drops hitting the metal of my air conditioner. The rain produced a musty smell in the city, like it was washing away all the crime and bad feelings.

By the time I had gotten to the bus stop, my left arm was completely soaked, but I was not particularly happy with the way I looked anyway. My clothes have all seemed to have shrunk, due mostly to my ever expanding waistline and rear-end. I had chosen the only pair of jeans that I was still able to button, and a blue top that just hung off my shoulders like a tent. But it hid my ample bottom, so it would do.

The bus was freezing, mostly because I was so drenched. I found an empty seat by the window, and held my dripping umbrella on my lap. I shivered as the water slowly seeped into my jeans, and I thought about how much more difficult it was going to be to walk with tight, wet jeans on. I decided that I would stand all evening so the roll of fat above the waistline of my pants wouldn�t be as noticeable.

The traffic was miserable; people in New York forget how to drive as soon as a drop hits the pavement. We crawled along 2nd Avenue, and I watched the restaurants and stores slide slowly by. Some tourists on the bus read every sign and posting out loud as we went passed. �Blockbuster!� �Dairy Queen!� �We don�t have a dairy queen, but we have a place that makes those shakes, what are they, Snowballs? Blizzards?� �Tom�s Restaurant!� I smiled to my reflection in the window, remembering how this city used to amaze me, too.

I studied my reflection in the window. My skin has gotten so bad lately, I sighed. I spend about $50 every 2 months for some skin care products that promise to clear up the worst acne you�ve ever seen. Yet, I still have these tiny bumps all over my face, which give my skin the look of coarse sandpaper.

My hair was pulled back in a flat ponytail, because I didn�t feel like drying it that morning. Actually, I haven�t felt like doing much lately, except sleep. That was something I was good at, and I could do it for hours. I have been going to bed at 10PM the latest, and I still have trouble getting up at 8AM. Mom says I�ve been that way since I was a kid, but it embarrasses me.

I thought when I started sleeping with Joe that I would change. He never has trouble getting up in the morning, and for awhile I would get up at 7AM and jump in the shower first so that I could dry my hair and be ready to leave when he was ready. Now, I just sleep. Joe always asks, but I just roll over and start snoring again. I never get to work on time anymore.

I noticed the other passengers� reflections in the window. There was a girl with the tourists that seemed to live in the area; she described how much she liked this restaurant, how she had been to that one, but couldn�t remember if it was good or not. She didn�t have any makeup on, and her long curly hair flowed down her chest like blonde water.

A young guy talked to her across the way, he was very loud and wore a Pittsburgh cap. He would comment on something, responding to himself with a nervous twitch of his head or swipe at his nose. He seemed annoyed at the amount of traffic.

�So, do all the buses stop every 3 stops? This is crazy!�

Welcome to the big city, I thought. I had gotten used to the traffic here long ago, but the subways have now started to bother me a lot. I can�t stand having a stranger touching me on the train, and I get agitated as soon as we all pile on for the cramped trips to and from work. That�s why I�ve started to take the bus lately; it�s slower, but at least I�m comfortable.

In the seat in front of the guy from Pittsburgh was another man and he seemed to be staring directly back at me in the window. I thought he was just looking out at the passing scenery, so I continued to study him.

He was just the �type� that I like: boyish face with large, round brown eyes; thick, shiny brown hair, with a few strands that fell to the side; pink lips, not too full, not too thin; a strong jaw and the slightest cleft in the chin. He had a shadow of a beard, like he had shaved very early in the day, but it only added to the charm. His brown sports jacket was open, revealing a light yellow button down shirt perfectly pressed and tucked into brown corduroy pants. His oxfords completed the look, the very essence of preppiness.

Then he smiled at me. Not a full-blown, ear-to-ear smile, but it was slight, slick, with rest of his face staying still. I caught my breath and quickly focused my eyes back to my own reflection. My cheeks were burning, and I was glad I was facing away from him; I was certain I was in a full flush. I tried to occupy my mind with the thought of seeing Joe. I really liked him; he tried to make me feel good, and we had a good time together. I just wasn�t happy with him. There was something missing, though I wouldn�t be able to say what it was if asked.

I glanced back at the preppie guy, and he was still smiling slightly and staring at me. I began to get very self-conscious, not to mention scared, and wondered if I should move to another seat. I picked up my still dripping wet things, and quickly moved out of my seat into a two-seater in the back of the bus.

Incredibly, Preppy guy was still watching! He had pivoted completely in his seat to face me at the back of the bus. I was now looking him straight in the eye, and he must have taken that for permission, because he got up. He sat down in the seat next to me while I just stared out the window.

�Hi.�

Oh God, I thought, now what? I can�t ignore him; I don�t want to start a scene�

�Uh�hi.�

�Where are you off to?�

�Um�I�uh�I�m going to meet my boyfriend.�

�Oh. Lousy weather, eh?�

�Yeah.�

�Rain always gets me down.�

I snickered.

�What�s so funny?� he asked, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

�You sound like that Carpenter�s song,� I said.

�Carpenter�s song? Oh, yeah��Rainy Days and Sundays��heh�I guess that did sound a little cliched.� He chuckled softly. �You look a little down, yourself.�

�Oh?� I didn�t know quite what to say to that. He was right, but who was this guy? Why should I say anything to him?

�Want to talk? We could go somewhere and chat.�

�I don�t even know who you are!� I laughed.

�Sometimes it�s best to talk to a stranger, you know. I can�t judge; I can only listen.�

I turned and looked at him directly. He was completely serious. His eyes looked deep into mine, and I felt the warm rush of blood to my face again. His gaze was completely caring and warm, and I couldn�t stop looking at him. My eyes followed the contours of his face from his eyes, down to those pink lips. I had visions of gentle kisses, my hands tangled in that thick hair. My heart beat wildly as I realized how much I actually wanted him.

He reached up and gently stroked my cheek with the back of his hand. It was so light, almost like a breeze against my skin, and I closed my eyes as the tingling continued down my neck. When I opened them, he was leaning in, and I closed them again quickly. His hand took my cheek, and his lips grazed mine, again so soft that they almost didn�t touch at all.

I sighed unexpectedly, and he responded with another kiss, his lips pressing harder, opening slowly and coaxing my lips to respond in kind. Then I had my hands around his back, stroking his neck, combing his hair with my fingers. His tongue touched my lips, and I moved back for just a second, looking at the yearning in his eyes. I leaned forward, head tilted, opening his mouth with mine this time, and traced his lips with my tongue.

We were entwined in the back of the slow moving bus for what seemed like forever, when he finally stopped kissing me, leaning back with his hands still on my face.

�What�s your name?� He whispered.

�Kathy.� I said breathlessly.

�Kathy, I�m Garrett.�

�Nice to meet you,� I giggled. Then I laughed out loud, and the tourists in the front of the bus looked at me quizzically.

Garrett laughed too, and began to kiss me again, unaware or uncaring of the attention I had just drawn to us. His hands began to roam my body, playing with the flesh under my collar, down my back and under my tent of a shirt. His fingers explored my belly, and slowly grazed my now attentive nipples, which were showing through my clothes. The sparks ran throughout my body, and the fear and excitement of being in a public place intensified the feeling.

The bus hit a bump, and his hand jumped and caught my whole breast, which he immediately began to caress. For a second I worried about what stop we were at, but then his hand began to move downward, and my body yearned for him to touch me and stroke me and make me shiver. To show him how much I wanted this, I moved my hand down to the large bulge in his pants, and he moaned in my ear as I stroked it firmly and softly.

Garrett unbuttoned my pants, and used my shirt to cover what he was doing. His fingers began to explore, lightly touching the lower part of my belly. My entire body was on edge, waiting for that first sweet touch in just the right place. When he found it, I took in air and buried my face in his shoulder. I grabbed him, too, and he groaned softly, moving his fingers back and forth. My eyes were shut tight, and I was holding onto the back of the seat as the bus continued to lurch back and forth. Garrett�s breathing was staggered, and he moaned �Oh, God� in my ear, his hot breath intensifying my own soaring feelings.

His touches became more urgent, and I felt my body quiver and then that rush of release and pleasure and I held my breath to keep from screaming because I had never felt anything like this before in my life. At the same time, Garrett pressed me against him and I felt him pulse and throb in my hand as he softly said my name over and over.

Our breathing slowed, and I opened my eyes as Garrett caressed my face and kissed me lightly on the lips. I looked over to the other passengers on the bus, and was amazed to see that no one was paying the slightest bit of attention to us. Garrett and I smiled at each other, then he gently zipped up my pants and kissed me again.

�I don�t usually do things like that,� I said sheepishly. Suddenly, I felt awkward.
�Neither do I,� Garrett said with a grin. His hair was in his eye, and he pushed it away to study my face.

�Can you believe we are just reaching my stop now,� I said. Back to normal, but I would never be the same again.

� I will never forget this,� Garrett said. � You are an incredible, beautiful person.�

�Thank you,� I said softly. I had tears in my eyes; It had been so long since I had heard that from anyone. �I�ll never forget this, either.�

�53rd Street! Next Stop!� The driver shouted.

�That�s me,� I said. I stood up, gathered my now dry belongings, and waited for the bus to stop. Garrett stood also, and held onto the overhead bar with one hand as he pulled me to him with the other.

�Don�t ever let anyone tell you differently,� he said. He kissed me gently and hard at the same time, and the bus stopped.

I walked down the steps, and stood at the stop as the bus drove away. I saw my destination down the street and smiled, then turned around and began to walk home.



 

 

Copyright © 2000 Jennifer Nobile Raymond
Published on the World Wide Web by "www.storymania.com"