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TITLE (EDIT)
Now That I'm Older, I'm Still Not Wiser
DESCRIPTION
Now that summer is over and the children are back in school I found myself indulging in a little bit of retrospective thinking. It took some doing but I was able to think all the back to when I was a youngster and heading for school myself.

[883 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor
AUTHOR
James Snyder
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
James L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living with his wife, Martha, in Ocala, Florida and can be contacted at jamessnyder2@att.net.
[October 2009]
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
jamessnyder2@att.net
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (15)
A Cup Of Joe Says A Lot About Us (Short Stories) This week I came face-to-face with a genuine dilemma. I had several meetings across town and for some reason I miscalculated and ended up with a 2-1/2 hour gap between meetings. I hate to waste time, ... [902 words]
A Page From Betty Crocker’S Cookbook (Essays) Recently, while sitting in my chair drinking the last of my breakfast coffee, a thought staggered into my mind. I must confess most thoughts are quite lonely once they enter my mind, but this one had ... [860 words] [Humor]
A Silent Night — Not At My House (Essays) People say, as they get older their hearing is not what it used to be. I have found this to be true for myself. The older I get, and I plan to get as old as I can, the more I hear noises in the middle... [895 words] [Humor]
Be Happy, Join The Wednesday Worry Club (Essays) Of all the people who know me, no one would say I am afflicted with worryitis. They may say other things about me, which may or may not be true, but that's another story. [918 words] [Humor]
Dead-To-The-World Man Walking (Essays) One morning this week, I woke up with a black eye. How I got it still baffles me. I have my suspicions, of course, but some things are better left to themselves no matter how lonely they may get. [891 words] [Humor]
How To Cash In On Your ‘Ailment Capital' (Essays) Right after the president won his re-election bid for the White House, he made an interesting comment. He said he was going to spend his "political capital" wisely. At first, I did not understand wha... [926 words] [Humor]
If All Things Are Possible,” Why Can't I Balance My Checkbook? (Short Stories) For me, the most terrible time of each month is the day our bank statement comes. We commonly call it BSS (Bank Statement Syndrome). I don't know why it is, but I have trouble getting the parsonage ch... [904 words] [Humor]
In My House, If It's Broken I Bought It (Essays) Often a store has a sign with the warning, "You break it, you bought it." This is to keep people from carelessly handling the merchandise. I'm thinking of another sign, which should be posted all thr... [907 words] [Humor]
Malice In “I Wonder Who I Am” Land (Essays) For many years I maintained confidence in my personal identity. I knew exactly who I was and was quite comfortable in my skin. Although, I must confess my skin used to fit me better than it does these... [885 words]
Nurses, Bedpans And X-Rated Hospital Gowns (Essays) Tuesday last I awoke from my nightly slumber with terrific pain in my chest, much like an elephant break-dancing on my chest. It was painful just to breathe, but like the trooper I am, I shrugged it o... [923 words] [Humor]
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Who Has The Greatest Job In The World? (Essays) I have, in my opinion, the world's perfect job. Just look at the evidence. I love people and I love God. I love talking to people about God and I love talking to God about people. Therefore, if you p... [963 words] [Humor]
‘And How Do We Feel This Morning?' (Essays) Without question, going to the hospital is teamwork from the time you arrive until you are wheeled out the front door. Everyone is working together for the common good of the patient, or at least a cr... [909 words] [Humor]
‘I'm Not A Christian, But I Play One On Sunday' (Essays) After more than three decades of church ministry, I have come to one unsettling conclusion. Actually, I've come to more than one conclusion, but this one is the most depressing. That conclusion is si... [890 words] [Humor]
Now That I'm Older, I'm Still Not Wiser
James Snyder

Now that summer is over and the children are back in school I found myself indulging in a little bit of retrospective thinking. It took some doing but I was able to think all the back to when I was a youngster and heading for school myself.

One of the things that struck me was some of the wonderful advice older people gave me at the time. The more I thought about this the more baffled I became. I must say during my lifetime I have received a great deal of advice from all kinds of people. Especially, when I was younger older people gave me plenty of advice.

Now the thing that bothers me is that, I cannot think of very many pieces of advice that has been helpful in my life. Sure, the advice was sincere but it has never made sense.

For example, my grandfather used to say, "A penny saved is a penny earned." In addition, he always used to say it with such a big smile on his face. At the time, I did not understand it and even today, I am a little confused by it. Of course, there is nothing more useless in the present economy then a penny.

I used to argue with him and say, "How can I save a penny if I haven't earned it yet?"

He would pat my knee very grandfatherly and say, "When you're older you'll understand."

Another favorite saying of my grandfather was, "A penny for your thought." And I always would respond by saying, "I'm sorry, but I'm saving that."

My father was fond of saying, "Son, keep your nose to the grindstone and you'll get ahead in life." Well if I did that, I might get ahead but without my nose. If I did not have a nose, what would I do if I had to sneeze? Furthermore, how would I keep my glasses on my face?

Like my grandfather, my father would simply say, "Son, you'll understand when you get older."

Well, I am older and I still do not understand.

Another piece of advice my father used to give me, "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise." I have followed this advice all my life and although I am healthy, the other two components are nowhere to be seen on the distant horizon of my future. I am suspicious, however, that the early to bed part was to get me out of his hair during the evening so he could watch TV.

The thing that really bothers me is that all these older people told me that when I got older I would be wiser. Now, the question I have is, how old is old? When do I arrive at that wise old man stage? And, how many horses are needed to pull it?

According to some people, I have arrived at that auspicious stage of being old. Yet I cannot see where I have become any wiser. Even the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage has noticed this. She never misses anything except the one time she threw a coffee cup at me.

I forget what we were discussing, but she said something like this, "I would've thought someone your age would have known better."

I am really confused about all of this. To be truthful I have noticed that the older I get the more I discover I do not know. My fears are that if I get much older I will not know anything.

Perhaps it is all in the definition of wise.

To be sure, the older I get the better I am at wisecracks. I do not believe, however, that wisecracks have anything to do with being wise. If it did, then I am a celebrated sage.

Being a wisecracker may be a whole lot of fun but it sure can get you into a lot of trouble. Especially, with my better half. Why, just the other day she admonished me by saying, "Don't you get smart with me."

Now that has me all confused. I am supposed to get wiser and yet my wife forbids me to get any smarter. What's a man to do?

Where I am from, they have a saying, "We grow too soon old and too late smart." My fear is that I will arrive at my smart status the day after I die. Then what will I do?

If only I could slow down the process of getting older and speed up the process of getting smarter, I could enjoy my wise station in.

The problem is, I do not have to do anything to get old and the trouble associated with getting wise is astronomical. Talk about shooting for the moon?

The Bible has much to say about getting old. In fact, the Bible is in favor of it. The Bible compares our life as a tree planted in a well watered place.

"Those that be planted in the house of the LORD shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be fat and flourishing; To show that the LORD is upright: he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him" (Psalms 92:13-15 KJV).

I have come to one conclusion. It is not getting older that makes one wise but resting in the wisdom of God.

 

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2009 James Snyder
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
October 2009
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
786
 

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