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The Future Of Islam In Russia by Wael El-Manzalawy - [263 words]
Metrolink608: Number One Engineer by Shelley J Alongi Christmas, New years, laughter, tears, teasing, the engineer steeler, and liv... [6,046 words]
Metrolink608: Cuddled By The Engineer by Shelley J Alongi quiet confidence, energetic moments, teasing, ephiphany, the engineer and... [3,783 words]
She Likes Trains: Station Gold by Shelley J Alongi Glen the Metrolink engineer's first vocal utterance has inspired my new series o... [2,734 words]
Metrolink111: The Best Two Minutes by Shelley J Alongi I've always said that Glen provided the best two minutes of my day. This wee... [3,088 words]
Metrolink111 Love On The Rails by Shelley J Alongi Oh the joy and pain of communicating with a locomotive engineer. MP36 verses FP5... [5,155 words]
Metrolink111: Going Steady by Shelley J Alongi Steady as she goes, a dilemma, cherishing the engineer, it doesn't get any better th... [4,897 words]
Heavy. What. by Angel Of Hope A vignette of my family. [170 words]
Annoyingted One by Angel Of Hope A vignette about my name. [170 words]
Splatterpunk: Welcome To It by Iron Dave An essay on the splatterpunk movement of the 1980s [2,637 words]
Metrolink111:She Likes Trains by Shelley J Alongi Metrolink Glen, my engineer, how did you ever get it so right? How could somethin... [2,190 words]
Metrolink111: Sweet Engine Purring by Shelley J Alongi Locomotives, engineer withdrawals, a stressful day, crying on the engineer's... [3,992 words]
Metrolink111: Alfa Cat Engineer by Shelley J Alongi Another week ends at the fullerton station for Shelley and her engineers. Well,... [3,359 words]
Hamkatramck by Angel Of Hope A vignette about Hamtrack, Michigan. [171 words]
Metrolink111: The Disney Engineer by Shelley J Alongi This doesn't take place at the Fullerton train station, it takes place at Dis... [2,046 words]
Who Americans Are And What They Do by Angel Of Hope - [869 words]
Timeline Of My Life by Angel Of Hope - [569 words]
Now That I'm Older, I'm Still Not Wiser by James Snyder Now that summer is over and the children are back in school I found mys... [883 words]
Metrolink111: Sweet Nothings by Shelley J Alongi This week, at the fullerton train station, Glen, the mysterious Metrolink engineer... [4,452 words]
Metrolink111: Slumming It With The Guys by Shelley J Alongi the engineer factor, can she find the train, plans, a supportive metrol... [3,522 words]
Metrolink111: Shaking Hands With The Engineer by Shelley J Alongi My Glen full of surprises. [2,541 words]
Metrolink111: My Happy Places by Shelley J Alongi An engineer, food, a gentle train journey, and meeting a restaurant owner. It's a... [3,331 words]
Metrolink111: Love Your Best Station Girl by Shelley J Alongi Does he remember my name? Does he know where to find locomotive specs... [6,322 words]
A Pretty Girl by Angel Of Hope - [1,592 words]
Metrolink111: Touching The Locomotive by Shelley J Alongi This week it's all about Glen and doign something that I've been afraid t... [2,520 words]
Metrolink111: Questions People Ask by Shelley J Alongi A stellar day in the nonlogic department at the fullerton train station. [1,645 words]
Metrolink111: Listening To The Engineer by Shelley J Alongi After gushing about glen, it's time for the story I haven't told you ye... [1,540 words]
Metrolink111: Finding The Gold Nuggetts by Shelley J Alongi An accident memorial, a not for an engineer, and everything in between.... [5,339 words]
Metrolink111: Finding The Engineer by Shelley J Alongi Comfort, food, waving, and just plain finding the engineer. [2,750 words]
Metrolink111: All The Engineer You Need by Shelley J Alongi A heckler, intrigued engineers, and just how do you pronounce chatswort... [2,122 words]
Those Darndest Packets Of Powder by Angel Of Hope An editorial for class. [872 words]
Real Women Vs. Media's Version Of Women by Dream Rinsed Pretty&Beautiful vs. Hot&Sexy. [156 words]
Metrolink111: The Place Of Escape by Shelley J Alongi Waving at and interacting with engineers, teasing, and escaping with trains. [3,034 words]
Metrolink111: Chatsworth Stories by Shelley J Alongi Today I make thirty seconds of contact with a locomotive engineer who knew Rob... [3,903 words]
Metrolink111: All My Engineers by Shelley J Alongi What a journey I've had over the last year since the chatsworth accident. I keep... [2,519 words]
Metrolink111: A Crush On The Engineer by Shelley J Alongi Why don't I just admit that I have a mad crush on someone I never met, an... [2,595 words]
Letters About Islam I by Wael El-Manzalawy - [170 words]
Metrolink111: In Search Of The Engineer by Shelley J Alongi Which engineer you ask? By now in my story you have several choices. Pi... [3,492 words]
Metrolink111: Flowers For An Engineer by Shelley J Alongi On this trip to Chatsworth I meet rob's conductor, lay flowers for him, g... [3,305 words]
Metrolink111 Education On The Rails by Shelley J Alongi Saturday September 12, 2009 finds me passing through Chatsworth on my way t... [3,334 words]
A Strange New Car by Orin G Quilar An essay about an embarrassing moment with someone else's car. [347 words]
Metrolink111: Asking The Freight Engineer by Shelley J Alongi Making life happen, conversations, a pleasant August evening at the f... [2,756 words]
In An Airplane Going To San Francisco by Angel Of Hope - [133 words]
The Falseness Of The Evolution Theory by Wael El-Manzalawy - [332 words]
Metrolink111: The Case Of The Dejected Engineer by Shelley J Alongi Questions, Chatsworth connections, eyes, and a milestone. [1,950 words]
Metrolink111: No No Magic Days by Shelley J Alongi Only someone at a train station would call me a gold digger. Heartache, trouble,... [2,182 words]
On And Off The Wall by Piper Davenport - [1,538 words]
My Silent Friend (Shadows) by Veraelaine Louch We are never truly alone. There is always someone with us. [201 words]
Moving Beyond The Pain by Piper Davenport - [2,014 words]
Metrolink111: Shoes, Songs And Tunnels by Shelley J Alongi All I can say is that two trains colliding last September led to all thi... [3,128 words]
Metrolink111: Rob Among The Chips And The Cookies: Almost by Shelley J Alongi Someone told me that I would stir up fireworks in Cha... [1,910 words]
Society, The Family And A Thatcher. by Colin Baker When UK conservative Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher asserted in 1987 that... [5,380 words]
What Do We Want? Concrete Fairness! When Do We Want It? Now! by Colin Baker Live Aid and Live 8 failed because they made metap... [4,232 words]
Screwball Scramble by Colin Baker There is a good reason for the phenomenon of frenzied shopping in the Western world. [2,381 words]
Metrolink111: Late Baby Late by Shelley J Alongi Late trains, freight engineers, and new connections. [2,786 words]
Metrolink111: Assist At Chatsworth by Shelley J Alongi I meet the fans that knew Rob Sanchez and get ideas for the memorial plaque.... [2,561 words]
A Hypothesis On Life by Mike Piotrowski A philosophical approach to a question with an impossible answer. Would like to hear your ... [416 words]
The Islamic Civilization And The Western Civilization by Wael El-Manzalawy - [472 words]
On Turning Sixty
Metrolink111: Here Comes Your Freight by Shelley J Alongi Of horns, freights and memorial plaques. [2,178 words]
Metrolink111: Finding Rob's Spot by Shelley J Alongi A cheeseburger, freight trains, and the quest to find a spot for a memorial pl... [1,590 words]
Metrolink111: Defending The Engineer by Shelley J Alongi Two trips to the Fullerton station, a trip to a railroad model shop, the C... [2,416 words]
Metrolink111: Railroad Family Ties by Shelley J Alongi You would never ever guess what the common factor in my train station journe... [2,056 words]
Metrolink111: Sick For Trains by Shelley J Alongi The chatsworth accident, engineers, friends, a dog that's a train fan, quiet mome... [2,995 words]
Easter Everyday by Bridgett Nesbit A passionate portrait of Mary's love for her son and how the Easter message should be celebrate... [505 words]
Chatsworth Journal: Observations About The Metrolink111 Crash On September 12 2008 by Shelley J Alongi I'm obsessed with the Chatsw... [1,785 words]
Metrolink111: Not Quite Throwing The Switch by Shelley J Alongi Finally, a real live, sort of railroad switch! [2,017 words]
Metrolink111: Blame The Engineer by Shelley J Alongi So people want to drag Rob Sanchez's name through the mud after the Chatsworth... [2,215 words]
What If I Die Today by Raine Lariza It is an essay about how is it like if one person dies today.. Read on :) [507 words]
Metrolink111: Is She A Foamer by Shelley J Alongi Six months and it all comes down to one question. Between grief, solace, creativi... [2,665 words]
The Paradise by Wael El-Manzalawy - [183 words]
Sex In Islam by Wael El-Manzalawy - [244 words]
Metrolink111: The Human Place by Shelley J Alongi Six months after the Chatsworth train wreck it is the human story that draws me t... [1,174 words]
Pagan Cycles Of Modern Religion by Dr Lemuria - [2,935 words]
Our Secret Reality by Dr Lemuria - [196 words]
Metrolink111: The Planter By The Railroad Tracks by Shelley J Alongi Margaret Mitchell had her window seat. I have my planter by th... [2,342 words]
How We Create Reality by Dr Lemuria - [7,362 words]
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Aura's by Dr Lemuria - [301 words]
Amphibian Features by Dr Lemuria - [544 words]
All Religions Need To Read This by Dr Lemuria - [3,363 words]
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Alcyone by Dr Lemuria - [382 words]
Alchemy by Dr Lemuria - [272 words]
Akashic Records by Dr Lemuria - [231 words]
Ahkenaton by Dr Lemuria - [701 words]
After-Life by Dr Lemuria - [241 words]
Affirmation by Dr Lemuria - [352 words]
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Abydos by Dr Lemuria - [253 words]
Abductions by Dr Lemuria - [174 words]

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TITLE (EDIT)
On Turning Sixty
DESCRIPTION
The rewards of turning sixty
[544 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor
AUTHOR
Robert Levin
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
-
[March 2019]
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
[email protected]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (18)
3 Poems (Poetry) - [129 words] [Humor]
A Passel Of Plumeria (Short Stories) Can an act of violence be a gift? [5,935 words]
Arena (Short Stories) A man finds a way out of his midlife crisis. [1,495 words] [Action]
Donald Trump And The Fear Of Death (Essays) Propelled by a pronounced extinction anxiety, white America�s dread has led directly to a heightening of racism, and with it, the presidency of Donald Trump [581 words] [Psychology]
Everything's All Right In The Middle East (Essays) A mutual solution to the problem of being mortal. [686 words] [Psychology]
Free Jazz: The Jazz Revolution Of The '60s (Essays) "Man, In another ten years we won't even need traffic lights we're gonna be so spiritually tuned to one another." [2,615 words] [History]
No Stars For The Eclipse (Essays) I thought more interesting work was being done at the Electric Circus back in the '60s. [529 words] [Comedy]
On Mental Health (Short Stories) If I ever see a shrink again it'll have to be under a court order. [2,573 words] [Drama]
Peggie (Short Stories) My chance to cross gross obesity from the list of body types I hadn't yet scored. [1,519 words] [Comedy]
Proving God By Consensus (Essays) My Problem with the Religious Right [977 words] [Psychology]
Recycle This (Essays) "I don't even sort and rinse the stuff I keep?" [885 words] [Humor]
Schindler's List: A Fecal Matter (Essays) - [1,047 words] [Psychology]
Stupidity: Its Uses & Abuses (Essays) Stupidity is rivaled in its genius only be schizophrenia. [1,337 words] [Humor]
The Killer (Short Stories) This story contains a graphic depiction of a deed that some readers may find upsetting or alarming. The story is an attempt to explain the motivation of the mass murderer and what the meaning of �suic... [3,058 words] [Literary Fiction]
The Monstrous Season (Short Stories) When you call your Dog Debbie you're asking fror trouble. [8,188 words] [Literary Fiction]
When Pacino's Hot, I'm Hot (Short Stories) A comedy about a pathetic loser with a talent for looking famous. [5,929 words] [Humor]
Why Peace Will Forever Elude Us (Essays) Although the guises may differ, people who study history are no less doomed to repeat it than those who don�t. [769 words] [Psychology]
You Don't Know What You're Doing (Or Why You're Still Fat) (Essays) People with perpetual obesity issues are playing a game with themselves. [804 words] [Psychology]
On Turning Sixty
Robert Levin

Although it�s brought me that much closer to transforming into worm food, I�ve found that turning sixty is not without its compensations.

While it�s true, for example, that my member isn�t getting a proper supply of blood anymore�and that I can no longer write my name in the sand and must settle for my initials�I can still have lots of fun with it. Thanks to an ever-enlarging prostate gland that�s threatening to devour my bladder, my urine stream now bifurcates at the exit point. This means that I can whiz into the toilet and the adjacent bathtub at the same time�which is a kick. My urologist says that while he can make no promises, there�s a good chance that in the not too distant future I�ll be capable of TRIfurcating. This will enable me to whiz into the toilet, the bathtub AND the laundry basket simultaneously.

I can�t wait.

And by making it possible to legitimately deflect questions that have always rankled the hell out of me (�Isn�t it time you threw out those Smurf jars with the petrified flecks of premixed peanut butter �n� jelly down toward the bottom?� is a persistent one that never fails to put me in a homicidal rage), my newly developed hearing loss has a terrific upside as well. Not, to be sure, that its downside isn�t just as major. I mean, how many invitations to lunch have I blown? How many people have said, �Let me buy you lunch,� and I�ve said in reply, �But we still don�t have bin Laden.�? (As thorny as this problem is, I�ve managed to ease it somewhat by saying, maybe a dozen times a morning to people who appear to be talking to me, �Thanks, I�d love to.� Though probably several hundred of them have walked away from me very quickly�and two, I guess they had their reasons, punched me in the stomach�I�ve gotten six lunches doing this that I would otherwise have missed out on. Not to mention a free ticket to a WAYNE NEWTON concert!)

But if the benefits and drawbacks of my hearing impairment more or less cancel out each other, the short-term memory loss that�s accompanied my sexagenarianism has a plus side that actually outweighs its minus side. I�m speaking, of course, of the guarantee it can afford me that a movie I�m going to will be a good one. I�ll notice, for instance, an ad for a movie and tell a friend about it. The friend will advise me that I saw the movie just a week ago. I�ll ask him if I liked it and if he says, �Yeah, you couldn�t stop talking about it,� I�ll think, hey, how often does a movie come with THAT kind of recommendation and I�ll go immediately to see it. I�m told that I�ve seen �Pearl Harbor� eight times now.

(I might add here that being strictly of the short-term variety, my memory loss in no way affects my ability to remember the last time I had sex.)

But of the many compensatory rewards that turning sixty provides (and you�ll agree they are not inconsiderable) there�s one that I value above all others. Although I can still croak at a relatively early age I�ve been spared the embarrassment of a TRAGICALLY early demise.


 

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"I can't begin to tell you how much I enjoyed your essay. Write on." -- Cedric McClester.
"I agree with Cedric... But I am fifty-four... And I think I enjoyed it more... And I don't know this may start a fight between two old farts... You do know how two Old farts will fight about anything... Looking forward to turning sixty... By the way did I tell you... I agree with Cedric??? BrokenWordsPoet............. " -- James W. McRight Jr., Ruffin , SC, USA.

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2009 Robert Levin
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
June 2009
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
1893
 

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