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The All New Ford Exploitation
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The All New Ford Exploitation
A satire of huge, beastly SUVs, especially Fords.
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The All New Ford Exploitation
THE ALL NEW
Introducing the newest addition to Ford’s ever-growing line of SUVs, the completely new Ford Exploitation. All in all, this vehicle simply overwhelms all other sport utility vehicles out there, because at Ford there are absolutely no boundaries. Look no farther than the Exploitation, sized above the Excursion, to deliver your needs in a full-size sport utility vehicle. Upper-class soccer moms and swaggering rappers, your vehicle has finally arrived!
· Largest displacement (10.8L) engine in its class (safer [for you] in a collision) generates a whopping 560 hp and 755 lb-ft of torque, plenty enough to pull along your other yacht.
· Four-wheel-drive system will save you from all bad road and weather conditions and exempts you from wasting your valuable time to pay attention to the road and other drivers. Since when should you lower yourself to everyone else’s standards, anyway?
· Beastly appearance frightens the neighbors’ pesky kids and pets, or is a highlight of your frequent TV appearances. You own the road with a new Exploitation!
· Four rows of leather couch-like seating, with power-folding third and fourth rows. All you have to do is press a button! No work involved to interfere with your hectic schedule and your heart rate stays the same – wow! Wait ‘til Mrs. Jones sees this. Hey, in fact, why not make it power EVERYTHING!?
· Not two, not three, but FOUR front-seat power outlets for multiple cell phones (or opt for four integrated handless car phones). Optional DVD entertainment system makes those long, grueling 5-whole-minute drives to the corner store much more worth your time and energy.
· 5000 watt, 200 CD/minidisc/MP3/cassette/LP/XM/FM/AM stereo with (we lost count how many) speakers and four 12” subs. Two words: Bling bling.
· Go ahead, pack your Explorer into the cargo area – it fits like a charm! Loading ramp optional.
· Best-in-class turning radius bests all Kenworths and Freightliners.
· Outstanding EPA fuel consumption average: 4 mpg city/ 6 mpg highway.
· Industry-leading and record-setting number of conservation and environmental protection groups are noticing the all new Exploitation, and you should too!
Ford is proud to put this vehicle into production, as we know the satisfaction of purchasing a vehicle costing well above your neighbor’s salary. We’re laughing with you all the way. Plus, as you’re obstructing everyone else’s view on the road, you’ll bask in the attention you and your brand new Ford are receiving. Please visit your local Ford Dealer soon. NO BOUNDARIES
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© 2002 G Sandberg
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