Written after being 'dumped' yet once again
Alone yet again
I wonder...why me
I'm honest, painfully shy
I want to be loved
I crave physical touch
I make bad decisions
Just to not be
I want to have someone
just to hold me at night
Sex would be nice
But not required
Just someone to love me
To want me for just who I am
I thought I found someone
If I could just be patient
And let him sow his oats
And get his former friend out of his life
But I was too impatient
I went too fast
I pushed him away
With my neediness.
Now I am
I see no reason to go forward.
I see nothing else for me.
I put everything I had into this man.
And it was not enough.
Or it was too much, too soon.
I want to crawl in a corner and disappear.
I want to die.
I want to develop a terminal disease.
I am afraid to try to take my own life.
I am afraid it would not be successful.
I cannot bear the thought of hurting someone else
So anything that would involve someone else is
not an option.
So I wait
People say I have much to live for
I cannot see it some how
I understand the quote
"To the world you may be one person but to one
person you may be the world"
This man was my world.
I do not know if he realized it.
If he did, I am not sure if he appreciated it.
Maybe I should be a different person
One that wreaks havoc on other lives
Instead of being the one
Whose life is ruined
I don't know how to develop that person.
I probably would not even like her.
The best thing
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© 2009 Katfancy
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