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TITLE (EDIT)
The Wall |
DESCRIPTION
The story has been set in a serene Indian village once under the British reign.The story is basically in the form of a dialouge between the protagonist of the story , an old villager, and a city-based curator of a museum. The plot revolves around the old man's cunning and the dramatic way in which he outwits the learned curator.
The backdrop of the lush green hills immersed in beauty is in perfect foil to the decietful mind of the so called simple villager.
[815 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor |
AUTHOR
Upasana Datta |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
Hi! i am sixteen year indian girl .i love to write. i will really appreciate some reviews.
[October 2005] |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (1)
City Lights (Short Stories) To my grandmothers who are no more; though the story has nothing to do wirh them. [858 words] [Relationships]
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The Wall
Upasana Datta
Acres and acres of greenery spread like velvet drapes, ending at the horizon, where hills rose magnificently.
In the kindly shadows of these hills, stood a small cluster of thatched cottages, which made up the small village of Hariyal. The sun was gliding across the sky, bathing the village in honey coloured warmth. Beyond the last cottage, a silver brook entwined in pink lotuses danced and rippled over the grey rocks. Across the serpentine brook, standing somewhat in a tired stoop was a solitary wall. Raw yellow creepers had invaded most of it. Sweet pink honeysuckle grew in small clusters kissing its feet. The red- grey bricks had worn away at places revealing small holes where magpies had built their nests.
Gazing at this strange piece of architecture was an even stranger party - a white old man from the village, and a straight backboned city babu in a correct black suit. �Ji sahib�, said the weathered looking man, his gnarled fingers shaking slightly as he pointed towards the wall. �This is a part of the wall that Aswin Loda built to keep the angrez away.� The man from the city, (who was the curator of the national museum), gazed at the wall with a curious expression that clearly expressed his doubts at the authenticity of the old fellow�s words. He looked at him, and his eyes; and saw in their hazel �brown warmth tears of true, aged remembrance. And he believed him.
�I remember �, said the old man, nodding his head knowledgeably, �I was only a kid then. The angrez wanted to take the land from us. So Aswin loda built it all around the parish. He was a good man � Aswin Loda was. And intelligent too. He made the pujari chant sacred words so they couldn�t break the wall. Oh they tried hard, they did.� he stopped, to smile triumphantly, then continued, �They fired cannons and bullets. And didn�t they curse! Boom-boom-boom, the cannons and the curses hit the wall all night - you can still see dark marks over there. And we rejoiced, yes we did� the old man broke off, cackling madly, as if he could feel the predicament of the British to this day.
The curator stared at this new discovery. Interesting. Perfect for the Unreported Monuments of The British Era section.
�Listen, cha-chaji,� the curator said delicately, �why don�t I take the wall away? We have a process of relocation now�For national good�.. It looks like a real national treasure to me��.�
�Young man,� the villager bellowed, his chest heaving and his eyes narrowing in rage �you are insulting us. It is a gift from our greatest, noblest, ancestor - the purest soul if there ever was! And you- you dare to suggest such a thing to me! National good indeed!� the old man sneered, his face anger-stricken.
�Please, cha-chaji, just think! Your Aswin Loda deserves acknowledgment. He was a great son of the country. And to think nobody has heard of him! Don�t you think he deserves a respectable remembrance at the very least?�
�It belongs to the people of Hariyal��.�
�It is on your property�
�No, no! God will be highly displeased with me.
�Here� said the curator, pushing two very crisp five hundred rupee notes into the hands of the villager. �Offer some Puja at the temple. I am sure God will forgive you.
�But I ����
Another hundred-rupee note.
�All right!� the old man said with a dramatic sigh. If you insist so�.�his voice trailed off.
Ah, thought the curator, the deal of a lifetime. �Right, then. I will order my men to bring the necessary equipment. We will need a crane�.� Here he lapsed into silence, thinking. �You don�t know what a great service you have rendered to the nation� he said, patting the old man on his shoulder and beaming at him.
The old man shrugged in an if-you-say-so manner and shuffled away to his cottage on the other side of the pond, leaving the curator in an ecstatic stupor.
Inside the cottage, his little grand daughter was cooking rice. �Oi, Gauri, go and buy some tobacco for my hookah, and buy some red bangles for your slender wrists; and don�t forget to clear the baniya�s debt.� he said, thrusting the hundred rupee note into Gauri�s palm - who was so astonished, that no words escaped her.
�Run along, child �he chided.
Gauri ran.
He slowly went over to his cot, and wrapping the remaining money in a shal leaf, pushed it under the mattress as he murmured to himself �Ah! The wall was remarkable, very remarkable indeed. Aswin loda built it, yes. But as far I remember,� he chuckled to himself, �he built it around his house to stop his daughter from meeting the blacksmith�s son who lived on the other side of the lotus pond�
KEY:
Sahib- Indian for sir
Angrez- British
cha-chaji- uncle; a respectable word for an elderly
Puja - prayer
Baniya- grocer
Shal- a kind of evergreen tree
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READER'S REVIEWS (2)
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"Dear Upasana,you have a remarkable talent for describing things.I could definately picture the village and brook in my head because you described it so well.I can also tell that you are highly interlectual by your vocabulary and the descriptive words you used through out this story.But I feel you need to work on your punctuation,sentence and paragraph structure.I think it would be wise to by a book on the essentials of english because you definately have the potential of becoming a great writer.I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.Keep writing!" -- David Daniels.
"Hi I like the village scene for this story and the descriptive portions.(I once lived in Calcutta) . However, you need to edit.Bring the subject ,the owner/builder of the wall into the plot right from the start. Chose a good hook.Tighten up on the use of helping verbs. You might consider this line: " He was a good man � Aswin Loda was." How do you feel he was a good man? What qualities did he display?The reader needs to know.Show those qualities. Best wishes " -- Cleveland W. Gibson, England.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2005 Upasana Datta |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
October 2005 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2027
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