ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
Student. Interests: writing, basketball, and walking. [June 2001]
READER'S REVIEWS (4) DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"I think this story is brilliantly written. It moves along perfectly and I was gripped. " -- Wendy, Kent, UK.
"I loved it! Espically the ending. Really makes a person stop to think about things. Great work sweetie! Keep it up!" -- Jennifer, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, USA.
"Very interesting story. The pace was great and really drew me in. If you are considering publishing this piece - which I think you could - you should proof it again, as there are word omissions. Also, I would clean up the language just a little to give it a bit more polish. I'm not against using profanity, but there places in the story where it isn't necessary and takes away more than it adds. Regardless, the story is extremely well-written and very creative. I think you have a very bright future as a writer. Nice work. " -- Patti, Manchester, CT.
"I enjoyed reading this, became drawn-in after the first few sentences and wanted to know how it was going to end. So overall it worked very well, but I'll try to say what I thought were its weaknesses. Firstly I think profanity is over-used to no particular purpose. It comes over as slightly juvenile. Even if you want to use swear-words it's a good idea not to use the same one over and over, which gets tedius and suggests an inadequate vocabulary. Secondly, the idea of everything being a dream is hardly new, and I don't think you exploited all the possibilities that the device offered in this instance. It wasn't made clear whether he was wakening up in bed with his wife or his mistress, or whether the dream was going to change his behaviour in the future. Even better would have been a slightly ambiguous ending, where we weren't quite sure whether this was his wakening up into his normal life or whether it was in fact the beginning of his first day in Hell. I hope these comments are of some use. I think the story (and your writing) has terrific potential. " -- David Gardiner, London, England.
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