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TITLE (EDIT)
Seeing Eye What???
DESCRIPTION
Blind Nan stop by the cops for driving blind
[1,096 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor
AUTHOR
James J Alonzo
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Disabledveteran Viet Nam
[February 2012]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (12)
A Missed Love (Short Stories) A missed love that occurred during the Viet Nam War [2,782 words] [Drama]
A Son Is Born (Agent Orange) (Short Stories) Son is born with physical problems from father's exposure to agent orange [2,475 words] [Health]
An Attempted Mugging Of An Old Man (Short Stories) Old war vet faces a young mugger [845 words] [Crime]
Edna Benz Store Detective (Short Stories) Elderly woman tough as nails [871 words] [Humor]
Ghosts Of Viet Nam (Short Stories) Ghosts in viet nam [925 words] [Mind]
I Was Told I Was Wrong To Go To Viet Nam (Short Stories) Soldier arrives home and is told his war service was wrong [853 words] [Relationships]
Mr. Whiskey Viet Nam (Short Stories) Soldier has a imaginary friend [1,223 words] [History]
Nurses In Viet Nam, They Served Too (Short Stories) Nurses served in viet nam and deserve respect [800 words] [History]
Saving Sarah (Short Stories) Cop save Sarah's life at risk of his own [923 words] [Drama]
The Viet Nam Experience (Short Stories) Trying to understand PTSD from War [800 words] [Health]
When One Becomes Aware Of Their Mortality (Short Stories) When ne becomes aware of their mortality [606 words] [Health]
Woman Attempts Suicide (Short Stories) Woman attempts suicide and runs into a cop who try but looses his patience [1,043 words] [Humor]
Seeing Eye What???
James J Alonzo

Seeing Eye What!

(C) James J Alonzo

At 3 AM, One warm summer evening, Jack, my partner was driving the patrol vehicle and I was riding shotgun. As we were driving down route 5 in Evans, New York, we came upon a mustang convertible, top down enjoying the summer breeze. However the driver was driving erratically, staying on the right side of the road, but drifting side to side of the highway, so we assumed this may be a DWI, 'driving while intoxicated' bust.

We followed him to see if this was just a fluke, but we were right, however there was an oddity, 

"Jack, what's that on his left shoulder?" I asked

"Shit, I don't know." Jack responded, and hit lights and siren. "It looks like some kind of a hat?"

The driver increased his speed, and because of the speed increase, more defined erratic driving. As we got closer, I could see the driver was wearing one of the baseball caps with the bill facing the read of the car, and next to his head, 

"It's a bird!" I shouted, 

"Shut up! That's not a bird!"

"I'm telling you, he had a large bird on his shoulder! Maybe he's a pirate!! We never arrested aerate!" 

I love taunting Jack, and we loved haranguing each other and every opportunity. 

"Shut up! A Pirate, you're an idiot!"

As the driver finally slowed down, and finally pulled over, we pulled behind the Mustang,

"Jim, it's a damn bird on his shoulder!"

"I told you! I bet he's some kind of pirate!" I taunted Jack. 

As we approached the vehicle, I placed myself on the passenger side of the Mustang convertible.  Jack walked up to the driver's side. It was easy to look in the vehicle since the top was down. Looking in the car we saw the driver was wearing very dark glasses, and wearing a live red & blue colored McCaw parrot on his shoulder.*

"WATCH IT PUKEFACE!"  squawked the bird. It spoke real loud.** 

When the bird squawked, it was loud, Jack reactively jumped back, then stepped forward again. **

"Sir were you drinking tonight?"

"No I wasn't drinking!" replied the driver.

"Sir, driver's license, registration, and insurance card." Jack asked the driver extending his hand.

"Watch out Jack!" i was Laughing at Jack's reaction,  "Killer parrot!"

"It's not a killer parrot!" insisted the driver, "it's my seeing eye bird." 

"IT'S THE FUZZ! " squawked the parrot! "PIG! LOOK OUT!"
 
"Shhh! Precious," said the driver to the parrot. Then to Jack, "I don't have a driver's license, because I'm blind. That's why I have a seeing eye parrot."

This was going to be entertaining, because I know Jack doesn't have much patience when he encounters the weird, and this was weird. Besides that, the volume of this parrot's squawks was really loud,  and it kind of hurt your hearing.

"Yeah right!" said Jack sarcastically, looking at me wondering if this was a prank. "I saw you driving, give me your drivers license!"

"EAT SHIT PIG!" squawked  Precious.

I reached over in front of the driver's eyes and moved my hand back and forth,

"Yep, the driver's blind Jack." 

"Of course I'm blind you jerk! I told you that!"

"STUPID PIG! STUPID PIG!" squawked the parrot at me, cracking me up.

"Sir, do you have any identification?" Jack asked pissed. I was laughing at this situation, and Jack's discomfort. 

The driver gave us his Identification, his name was Norman Dehn, and it was true, he was blind and had an Americans with disabilities I D card. 

"Sir, first of all you cannot drive if you are blind, that's the law! Second, you can not drive with a parrot telling YOU how to drive!"

"Why not, it's my seeing eye parrot, and it was trained to sit on my shoulder and warn me about obstacles and such. It speaks up to four word sentences."

"YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE PIG!" squawked the bird as it tried to nip Jack. 

Jack looked at me in his frustration, and with a smile, I hand signaled to Jack that perhaps he should shoot the bird!

"Sir out of the car, and keep that damn bird under control."

"SHUT UP PIG!"  squawked Precious. Damn, that bird was loud! 

I just had to ask, how that bird worked into being made a seeing eye parrot. Mr Dehn explained that he all his life was able to see however, one day his eyes bothering him, his doctor told him he was going blind. He went home to his pet parrot, that he had for a few years, and as alway the bird chatted away with him. Then it struck him, why can't the bird learn to see for him, after all parrots were as smart as dogs, maybe more.

So he trained the bird to tell him if something was in the way, or tell him to turn left or right, and after a year the bird had caught on. The bird had a huge vocabulary, knew words like coffee table, steps, step up, step down, duck, turn left, turn right,  but also sword like a sailor.   

Jack and I watched Mr. Dehn get out of his vehicle, the bird on his shoulder,

"Precious, take me to the car." Mr.Dehn said.

"TURN AROUND! WALK!" squawked the bird.

Mr. Dehn turned and walk towards the patrol vehicle. After Jack opened the door, 

"Get in the car Mr. Dehn."

"DUCK YOU HEAD!" squawked the bird.   

We took him home and didn't charge him. Mr. Dehn called the owner of the car and told them where to pick up the car.

On the way back I was thinking of another idea,

"You know Jack, I was thinking."

"I don't want to hear it!"

"Why don't we start a training academy for seeing eye parrots?"

"No, leave me alone! you and your hair brain ideas, professional mourners, and now seeing eye parrot academy!" 

*******

*Macaws are social birds and need plenty of interaction. They can be very loud.

** A macaw can scream at over 105 dB. (decibals). Macaws are highly intelligent. Some may talk, others may never talk.

Macaws can live 30+ years. For some of the larger macaws 80-100 isn't unheard of.

Intelligence of a 3-8 year old child, emotional range of a 2-3 year old child, may throw tantrums to get attention, great sense of humor, can tease you and other members of your family (including other pets), require a lot of attention, can be very demanding, need to be kept busy with attention, toys, and training, love to chew, love showers, some species are good family birds, some are prone to becoming one-person birds, some are described as clownish, energetic, playful, like to roughhouse, some can be nippy and aggressive, some love to cuddle.

***********************

 

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2012 James J Alonzo
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
February 2012
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
730
 

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