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The Function Of Criticism by Pepijn Sauer We forget without remembering what. Something started at some point but the point is ... [774 words]
For Sofia by Pepijn Sauer You live with the question. Wondering how to proceed, we find ways to make things happen. We do not u... [449 words]
One Small Moment by Shelley J Alongi One woman's small action makes a lasting impression on a man condemned to die for his crime. [1,847 words]
Last Hours by Shelley J Alongi A general contemplates his decision before formally declaring war. [1,467 words]
Collateral Damage by David Gardiner Some explosions keep on echoing. [4,127 words]
Wolf In Janie's Shadow by Wolfa Of a girl who fell through the cracks in the world. [2,103 words]
The Wedding Banquet by Anthony S Maulucci A rich Italian from the Abruzzi region holds a feast to find a bride and falls in love with... [1,815 words]
2am by MacKenzie Morgan This is my first contribution to the site. It's an excerpt from a journal I kept over the summer. Please re... [3,361 words]
The Seventh Inning Stretch by Kurt Kitasaki A satire on professional sports. [2,230 words]
The Nova by Kurt Kitasaki A satire on executives in the automotive industry. [2,647 words]
Witness by Pepijn Sauer You have seen things. I thank you for describing them to me with so much care and poetic accuracy. Your... [826 words]
White Church by John Karl A passing of innocence and the expectation of one's future. [349 words]
Which Is The Way? by Sreenivasa Murthy Govindaraju Always in need of money and finally undergoes humiliation under the very nose of his teenage ... [2,246 words]
The Mind That Is Morning by Pepijn Sauer The mind that is morning swims. As it grows later it will become frosted glass; an emp... [459 words]
The Girl In The Taxi by Richard Koss A shy, young man has an erotic encounter with a strange girl. Is it real or just a dream? [1,493 words]
The First Time I Met God... by Joel Harper None necessary. [616 words]
The End Of History And The Last Fish
Plague Of Time by Kevin Cope This is a story I keep playing around with and as yet is still unfinished. I am not sure how I w... [5,118 words]
Party by Pepijn Sauer Actually the host is dead. It took me a while to notice, but it's true. The host is so dead he has a lot ... [581 words]
Our Father Who Aren't In Heaven by Johnny Abrahams A man searches for his father but will he find him? [3,026 words]
Is Evil Edible? by Johnny Abrahams A very brief introductory work by a person who wishes he could write better than he can. [542 words]
In The End All Becomes Clear by Johnny Abrahams When death comes knocking, do you open the door? [831 words]
Heyman by John Karl Taipei: Big spiders, no drinking water, and lots of Taiwan Beer... Give me 10 reviews and I'll post pict... [557 words]
Gravity by Pepijn Sauer I circle the gravity of this situation in elliptical curves. Inside the fences, so fashionably dressed ... [589 words]
God Bless The President by John Karl Confrontation with knife wielding drunk in Oregon bar... did not have to be this way. [584 words]
Eurojazz by John Karl Stuck in Italy, partying, and then some... [650 words]
Don't Mind Her, She's 'armless by Johnny Abrahams Ugly people have feelings too. [1,000 words]
Adventures In The Land Of The Unexpected by Will E Drillit A satirical look at the conference circuit in the unusual setting of P... [1,066 words]
Adolescent Innocence 2: Evil Never Dies by Loki Evil proves it never dies in this second game of death and destruction. [14,390 words]
A Song Of Absence by Pepijn Sauer Absence. Everybody is on the beach but you. Meister Eckhart sunbathing in bright green short... [1,412 words]
A Modern Day Love Story by Shari Calkin Just an example of how God works miracles in people's lives, especially when they least... [1,241 words]
A Deadly Kind Of Love by Kevin Cope Billy Harper loved his mother just a little too much... [1,846 words]
A Changing Of The Seasons by Bradley Postma Allegorical romance relating the fickleness of love with the weather. [6,240 words]
Within The Darkness by G S Kimbro Short Story of a strange encounter in a restaurant. [1,707 words]
Tarradale's Option by Ed Bruce A tale about life in the Scottish Highlands, an incomer's attempt to defy tradition and the... [3,533 words]
Tale Number One: Dederik Flunn by Banae Wan A young man inherits his father's job as a professional murderer. On his first m... [2,480 words]
Salvation In Death by Alberto Pupo Things are never what they seem... [493 words]
Regretting Mistakes.. by Alberto Pupo a weird tale of a deranged little mind... [1,044 words]
Playing Life By The Rules by Kevin Cope Some last thoughts before I go. [792 words]
On The Way To Retreat by Muhammad Nasrullah Khan Story of a man who sacrificed everything for his country. [1,881 words]
On Orcas Island by John Karl Yuppie vacation to local resort... [269 words]
Legacy by Adhara Von Nuremberg There's more to life than living. [1,612 words]
Kelly's Neighbour by Roxanne Kendrick - [535 words]
John's Secret by Glen Pearson Bill's big brother John is acting a bit weird. What's going on? (Not for impressionable kiddies... [2,154 words]
Faint Bell - A Story You Should Read Because I Said So, And I'm Smart. by Scott W. Hazzard A southern lady waits for her man. No su... [699 words]
Dogfish by Wolfa An owner tells the story of a neurotic, once-abused dog. [1,352 words]
All-Day Breakfast by Kevin Cope An ordinary day. An ordinary guy. A not so ordinary cafe. [2,336 words]
Adolescent Innocence by Loki After moving back to his hometown, a teen finds himself trapped in a deadly game of kill o... [7,559 words]
Losing Life by Antony Berrios A women finds herself in a strange place being held against her will. [672 words]
Hanover Square by Kevin Cope An old man sits by his wife's bed as she slowly passes away. He consoles himself by recalling th... [1,035 words]
In Hour Of Death by Muhammad Nasrullah Khan Dear Readers I have written this short-story in context of Gabriel Garcia's farewell letter to... [1,664 words]
The Ultimate Option by Nadeem Akhtar Modern man's predicament has left him only to avail the ultimate option. A story of all tho... [1,302 words]
The Maniacal Core Of His Unsound Mind by Banae Wan (I want comments.) One eighth done. Reprint. Changed title with anothe... [1,195 words]
The Gap by W A Hardy - [4,055 words]
The Confession by Kathleen McCarthy A murderous cousin plans to murder her way to money. [2,119 words]
The Beast Of Briovera by Christopher Grady In every Fairytale there is some truth, it is up to us to seperate the 'Fairy' from the '... [4,029 words]
Sunday Drive by Antony Berrios A family�s last trip together. [736 words]
Smothered by Paula M Shackleford The story of a girl who drives away men without meaning to. Will she ever find true love? [3,970 words]
Sitting Still by Scott W. Hazzard An ex-writer reflects upon his miserable life while receiving a routine lap dance from his favori... [2,159 words]
Shattered Lives by Kathleen McCarthy A story of a romantic triangle with deadly consequences. [4,761 words]
Who Knows What? by Iain Spittles This is an updated version, take a look, give a comment in return, that's all I ask. [966 words]
Neighbour by Sreenivasa Murthy Govindaraju A retired official who remained as a bachelor attempts to write his auto-biogrphy drawing inspiratin ... [2,296 words]
Lane 23 by Vanessa E Clemmons A mother competing with patience and her daughter's determination to obtain glory. [343 words]
Franky And The Crash by Scott W. Hazzard A gruff ragamuffin rampages through a city to become an anti-"pretty boy" -anti-hero. Rea... [1,079 words]
Dad's Discipline by Oscar Oljmex - [684 words]
Annie And Metoo by Arlene Gunn A lonely girl befriends her shadow. One day it suddenly disappears.She is again lonely but find... [1,400 words]
All My Ex's Ain't In Texas by Patti Dinneen A native New Englander recounts her adventures in Texas. [2,308 words]

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TITLE (EDIT)
The End Of History And The Last Fish
DESCRIPTION
When Field commander Asinine launched his final all out withdrawal the first one to be killed was major Fuck Up. The loss was grave but they had no time to bury him.
[1,168 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Mind
AUTHOR
Pepijn Sauer
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Short Biography:
Pepijn Sauer
Born midnight between the 3rd and 4th of February 1970 in Arnhem, The Netherlands. Studied Japanese, Philosophy and Psychology at the universities of Leiden and Utrecht, finished neither because of tendencies towards the more obscure sides of the above mentioned fields. Paints, does illustrations and translates from Dutch to English and vice versa. (mainly scientific articles).
[September 2001]
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
[email protected]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (8)
A Song Of Absence (Short Stories) Absence. Everybody is on the beach but you. Meister Eckhart sunbathing in bright green shorts. Dostojevski and William James play beach volleyball against the Marx Brothers. In the shadow of a palm t... [1,412 words] [Mind]
Dis-Appointment (Poetry) Short poem. [12 words] [Romance]
For Sofia (Short Stories) You live with the question. Wondering how to proceed, we find ways to make things happen. We do not understand the question. It is there despite our lack of understanding, as are many other things. Fo... [449 words] [Mind]
Gravity (Short Stories) I circle the gravity of this situation in elliptical curves. Inside the fences, so fashionably dressed in distractedly elegant drapings of barbed wire, the TV show goes on showing. (White noise. Fragm... [589 words] [Mind]
Party (Short Stories) Actually the host is dead. It took me a while to notice, but it's true. The host is so dead he has a lot of time to give parties. [581 words] [Mind]
The Function Of Criticism (Short Stories) We forget without remembering what. Something started at some point but the point is now almost identical to everything; or rather, it is starting to be, unstoppably, constantly. [774 words] [Mind]
The Mind That Is Morning (Short Stories) The mind that is morning swims. As it grows later it will become frosted glass; an empty couch by the window; twelve words; a dolphin blowing rings of air and an empty coffee cup in the sunlight. [459 words] [Mind]
Witness (Short Stories) You have seen things. I thank you for describing them to me with so much care and poetic accuracy. Your eyes must be beautiful. As for the things at hand, I am unclear regarding their purpose, if any. [826 words]
The End Of History And The Last Fish
Pepijn Sauer

    The End of History and the Last Fish.

When Field commander Asinine launched his final all out withdrawal the first one to be killed was major Fuck Up. The loss was grave but they had no time to bury him. The absurdist party-sans had sent in their squad of anti-heroes but halfway to the beach they got stuck because they had to wait for private Godot who was engaged elsewhere laying linguistic traps for the logical positivists. Needless to say the beach was littered with kittens.

When General Whiteass showed up with reinforcements consisting of two squads of behaviorists, armed to the teeth with rats and Pavlov reflex mines, and a whole battalion of cognitivists who immediately started to set up experimental research situations with predetermined outcomes, confirming their operationalized hypotheses, it looked for a little while as if the forces of might might still win. The Avant guard ran into a cognitivist experiment and was totally dehumanized. The radical subjectivists got trapped in a maze and were objectified by behaviorist reinforcements. Even the postmodernists had to withdraw into a stronghold of impenetrable syntactic mystification to get out of a discursive mine-field, after which they went to work on the construction of their weapon of mass-deconstruction.

Just when the forces of a-rationalism seemed on the point of becoming non-existentialist, things turned around. A mystic bumming squad had been waiting in the east to bum out the enemy with negative definitions of The One, but had been pushed back into obscurity time and again by the fighter squads of formalism. Just when their conception of nothingness was on the verge of being blown to kingdom come, however, they were suddenly joined by the Quantum Corps of the division of Natural Science who did a sudden 180 degrees on their Classical allies and started tearing out the airfields beneath the classical flights of fancy with a probabilistic approach to particle physics that left Classical hypotheses hanging in the air without anywhere left to land. In the meantime the postmodernists had finished their weapon of mass-deconstruction and started wiping out everything in sight. When the Quantum Corps also managed to convince the kittens on the beach to join ranks with them and they in turn started driving of the cognitivist by applying the Schrodinger tactic which made them impervious to any attempts to determine their ontological status and undermined the theoretical framework that had been protecting the enemy beachhead, things began to look bleak for the forces of might.

A desperate attempt was made to safeguard the might supply routes by building a theoretical bridge between the fields of logic and mathematics but it was blown up by Russell's Paradox and Godel's Second Incompleteness Theorem. They even attempted withdrawing into obscure definitions of fact and obliterating their historical traces but where cut of by the anonymous master infiltrator and saboteur known as 'The man who was Friday Evening' assisted by his 2-D brother in arms, King Kong , who also in passing decimated the forces of academic gravity, by use of lack of a sense of humor seeking missiles.

While all this was happening the people at S.E.T.I. had managed to avoid taking sides but in the end saw themselves forced to take the desperate measure of striking the E from S.E.T.I. in order to ensure their neutrality.

Western Mystics managed to penetrate the enemy defenses at mount Carmel under the cover of a cloud of unknowing and got into a fight with some specialists in the Field of Religious Experience, who fortunately didn't have any and quickly started to be pushed back into nothingness. They were already on the point of attaining unity with the one when they were unexpectedly saved by the Postmodernists, who by now had gone totally of their rocker (actually they had accidentally deconstructed it) and came storming from their stronghold of linguistic obscurity to make a well placed attempt at demystification on the Western Mystics.

On the 232 of august someone was ready to start the mandatory summer offensive that had already been a little delayed, a problem that was solved by reverting to subjective time, but by this time definitions of identity had become so problematic that it is not clear who. From this point on things started to become (retro)progressively more absurd. The intellectual landscape was strewn with abandoned hypotheses, many of them beyond recovery. Someone called God was announced dead but was later found to have hidden himself beneath a mountain of contradictions, the exact address of which was found to be contained in the DNA structure of a man called Bob. The last man came and went without leaving a forwarding address. This address, too, was found in the DNA structure of the man called Bob, who turned out to be a universal telephone directory and was quickly cloned by a conglomerate of telecommunications companies. Cultural Relativism was widely relativised by everyone including itself. Modernism was pronounced dead, non-existent, absurd, necessary, unavoidable and self-contradictory until it got so sick of everything that it retired into the realm of historical fiction. Communism discovered it had never really existed but managed to die a miserable death nevertheless. Universities became more and more particular about everything. Large amounts of money, which by this time had become so polymorphic as to be virtually virtual, were spent on building underground swimming pools for visiting particles from outer space that were in such a hurry to go nowhere in particular that they dove straight through them without so much as saying hello. In the general confusion no one considered this rude. Under the slogan: 'To go bald where no one has gone bald before,' courageous expeditions where launched to go beyond the final frontier, which, as it turned out, was an infinitely receding hairline. The identification of the first UFO occurred on the 1273rd of august of the same year and was followed by a sharp rise in I.F.O. sightings. On the 1356th of august the last fish was eaten at the banquet of the annual conference of Marine Biologists. It was a mackerel.

By now the end was near. Nuclear weapons of various nationalities, realizing the threat to world peace, signed a human non-proliferation pact on the 1718th of august: all human life-forms were to be dismantled in specially designed dismantling plants. The conditions of the agreement were fulfilled with unprecedented efficiency and to the last letter, which was a d. The end of history happened (or rather, almost happened before it ran out of time,) on the 1719th of august. By this time every week consisted only of an endless series of Fridays that lasted for three (3) nanoseconds: ...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...The weather, for as long as it lasted anyway, was strikingly handsome and wore 666 golden Cartier watches on its right wrist. They all stopped at the same time: August 1719th, 12456567th Friday o'clock. The watches were Taiwanese fakes but by this time there was no one around to be bothered by this anymore.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 1998 Pepijn Sauer
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
September 2001
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2035
 

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