Victorian Summer (4) ‘Antoinette, I don’t like you calling me ‘little one’’. Antoinette looked ahead of her and seemed to purse her lips. Then Jackson said: ‘Teresa, that’s the least of your worries and you need money, Teresa..don’t you and why don’t you doll yourself up now..’ ‘Leave me alone Jackson. I know I’m not making sense…I said I’m not asking you for anything..and I’m not going on the streets..so I’ll take it from him..’ ‘You’ll steal from him..is that what you’re..’ Jackson said quickly and Teresa turned to address him: ‘I never said that..no..anyway..I’m only a few weeks behind…I have a job anyway…I’m tired…’ Teresa felt Antoinette beside her. Antoinette was obviously drunk and she seemed to forget what she had said before. She repeated: ‘Jackson..she steals from the theatre ..’ Teresa turned and seemed to study the other woman. She didn’t want to tell her she was repeating herself. ‘I’ve never stolen money..Antoinette. Just things..’, Teresa said softly looking at Antoinette's profile. Antoinette was staring at the ground. Then she turned quickly looking at Teresa. ‘Alright.. don’t feel guilty, girl....you’re a stupid girl..Teresa…truly stupid..and you have this admirer…and then you need money..’ Then Antoinette looked quickly at Jackson: ‘Jackson…I don’t think we should be talking about this..… Teresa you’ve really lost yourself…you behave like a princess…you need money.. I need money.. You need money and you ask us…you truly are..’ Teresa seemed to be studying Antoinette as she was saying all this. Teresa didn’t seem to mind being called ‘stupid’ either and she said calmly: ‘I understand you , Antoinette…’ They were quiet and then Teresa said: ‘And what if I want to be his lover..even marry him..Antoinette.. I don’t want to ruin everything…’ She felt Jackson beside them and she was going to turn to address him properly. Then she heard him say behind her: ‘You think he’ll marry you..?’ ‘Why wouldn’t he, Jackson? ’, Teresa said turning to him quickly, ‘I mean Jackson..why does he talk to me.. go out with me..we’re like …a couple…so we can marry can’t we..’ ‘Yes. I suppose’, Jackson said. Then she heard Antoinette saying: ‘This man likes her, Jackson…’ ‘Maybe he does’, Teresa said dreamily.. ‘Still, if you need money…’ Jackson began to speak but then Antoinette interposed: ‘But she’ll marry him..and she’ll get money…but she‘s not his lover, are you Teresa…she’s not…Jackson..she‘s a proper girl..waiting for a proposal or something…’ ‘Yes I am..that’s right..a good girl…’ Teresa said smiling to herself. Then she said: ‘We don’t sleep together…Antoinette..’ ‘Oh pet.. you are open with me, aren't you?’, Antoinette said playfully smiling at her. Antoinette seemed tired and sat down as Teresa and Jackson stood together. Jackson said: ‘You need money, is that it, Teresa..you’ve fallen behind in rent ?’ He seemed gentle now and Teresa said openly: ‘I’ve told you haven’t I…yes …’ Jackson was silent. Then Teresa asked: ‘Can you give me money, Jackson..?’ ‘Why should I give you money for all that..to be with him ..I’ll try and help you with rent…but that‘s all, Teresa..‘ ‘Thank-you Jackson.. ‘ ‘Why isn’t your lover like that, Teresa ?’, Antoinette said rising her head and looking at them. She continued: ‘Why doesn’t he pay for..why don’t you even ask him…I bet she doesn’t ask..you ask him.. little one..’ Antoinette said. Teresa looked ahead and then said: ‘Jackson. I’m grateful…’ Then Teresa said turning to Antoinette: ‘I’m tired…I hate it when you bring up money..money..and that man..Denby..’ She was conscious suddenly of calling her admirer ‘that man Denby’. Only yesterday, they were sitting together on his settee. They were touching each other but that was the limit of their physical contact.. Then Jackson turned away and walked to Lionel who was at the counter of the public house. Teresa was conscious then of how tired she was She was about to go to the bar and ask for ale when she stood still. Yes she was tired. Then she saw Lionel turning around and looking at her. Teresa saw a strange look in his eyes. She knew he was drunk but he was drunk in that aggressive kind of way. Jackson was beside him and the latter looked to see what Lionel was looking at. He saw that Lionel was staring at Teresa, who was standing almost at the door of the public house. From where Jackson was sitting, you would think she was staring at them, almost studying them but Jackson knew that she was tired. She was simply staring because she was tired but the look seemed to unnerve Lionel who was slightly intoxicated. ‘Why do you look at me like that…why does that woman look at me like that..she‘s mad..’, Lionel looked directly at Teresa as he said this and he raised his voice so she could hear too. He seemed to shout: Why does she look at me like that…why doesn’t she leave me alone..isn’t she with some..' He stopped and seemed to be thinking of what to say next. Then he said: ‘Why don’t you leave, Teresa? You’re waiting there by the door..you’re making me…’ Teresa was suddenly conscious of what she was doing. Yes she knew she was staring in the direction of Lionel and she realised Lionel could become so aggressive over the slightest things. Still as she looked quickly at him and then away, she was conscious of how the atmosphere in a place like this could change so quickly. This type of uncontrolled aggression and anger never happened in the world of Denby and Aimee. Then Teresa said almost automatically and without thinking: ‘I don’t want to leave..Lionel’. Lionel looked carefully at her. She said then, walking towards Lionel: ‘Sorry Lionel’. However she felt he couldn’t hear her because he turned away and seemed to start talking to Jackson about something. In a flash he had forgotten about her. She saw then that Jackson was trying to calm him. She stood behind them now and she heard Jackson say: ‘You’re drunk, Lionel..why are you so angry..’. Then Lionel turned suddenly to her and caught her eyes. He muttered ’sorry’ and nodded his head. She was conscious then of Antoinette behind her. She heard Antoinette say: ‘Lionel’s crazy..what did you say to him, Teresa...?’ Teresa turned to Antoinette and said: ‘I didn’t say anything.. I just looked at him and he shouted..’ ‘He’s drunk..don’t mind..’, Antoinette said quickly. Lionel had turned back to Jackson but now he turned again when he heard the women behind him. He said: ‘Sorry Teresa…Don’t make trouble..Antoinette’. Then Antoinette said: ‘Don’t say it’s the drink..Lionel..you’re so damned angry..this while…is it a girl or something…damn money…’ ‘You’re funny, Antoinette’, Lionel said looking at her, ‘But I’m not interested in talking...’ Then he turned back to the counter. Teresa continued to stand behind Lionel and Jackson. She was going to walk away. She couldn’t afford a drink and she tipped Antoinette to say she was going. Antoinette, scarcely acknowledging this, turned around quickly again to talk to Lionel and didn't seem to be aware that Teresa had left the group and was walking to the door. Then Teresa turned suddenly. Jackson was behind her and he said: ‘I said I’d give you money..Teresa..but these people…do they have money..jewellery..take something…ask money from your admirer then.that’s what girls do.. Teresa..he’s seen where you work..he must know you need it…bring him back to your rooms..show him…’ ‘Maybe…’ Teresa said. Jackson said quickly: ‘I’d take some money…of course I’ll try and help you..I’ll give you something to-morrow…but why don’t you take it from him..or that girl..they won’t know..what about the theatre,,the coats..you’re too damned afraid now..take the damned money.’ Antoinette came over to them and nudged at Jackson. Then she said looking at Teresa: ‘Teresa wants to be like Aimee..be like her..then take her jewellery..ask her..Aimee…I think she admires Aimee…that girl..cousin.‘ Antoinette stopped but she looked as if she was going to say more and she said: ‘You’re not surely thinking of taking money..stealing from them…the aristocrats..I mean ..Teresa’ Then Jackson turned to go back to Lionel and said: ‘I like that..aristocrats..aristos…’ ‘They’re not aristocrat…they’re not even..’ Teresa said quickly to Antoinette as Jackson walked away. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teresa and Denby walked together along the road leading to Teresa's rooms. Denby had wanted to know where she lived and now she stood pointing up p to her rooms. She muttered ‘ I don’t want to go up, it's a nice evening.. can we walk’. Then she glanced quickly towards the public house at the end of the street. Perhaps Jackon and Antoinette were there. She turned to Denby and saw that he was looking into the distance towards the public house. Teresa said quickly: ‘Will we walk back….’ He said then: 'Why can't we go up..do you not want ..' 'No it's not that...another time...but it's just a room..it's untidy...' 'I understand...' They were silent then. She closed her eyes briefly as she saw a woman waiting at a corner. She knew she was a prostitute. She turned around quickly. Actually she didn't mind Denby seeing where she lived, the kind of area. He must have known anyway ; He must have had an idea. A wind seemed to suddenly whirl down the street and then there were the street-lamps around. Just wind and light. She heard Denby saying softly: ‘You showed me where you live..you know where I live…’ He looked at her and smiled. 'We'll walk..you don't mind walking home alone..' Denby said. Teresa replied: 'No.' 'We’ll walk to Aimee’s', he said but in the windswept street, she couldn't hear what she said and she repeated: ‘Of course.. I always walk back…I like this area.’ Then she heard him say something. The wind just made her catch a few words. He was saying: ‘I know you are a strong woman..wilful…proud…I like that Teresa…you seem lonely too..but the theatre …it is exciting isn’t it…’ She scarcely heard what he said but she heard him mention the word 'theatre'. She nodded as she saw him glancing over at her. Then as the wind died down, she heard him speak: ‘Aimee ..she’s lonely too..she’s like a sister and she helped me you know get my rooms together and I want to help her…she has her circle of friends…some artists…’ ‘Yes I understand’, Teresa said and in a flash she thought about money. Yes she needed money. Should she ask Denby for money. He had seen where she lived. Maybe she should have brought him to her rooms but they were so unkempt and dirty. Or maybe she should just steal...but this man was wooing her...yes..there was that as well.... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The following day Teresa stood with Jackson in a park near where she lived. It was dark in the park and some streetlights streamed light into the park. She said to Jackson: ‘I’m not going on the streets again, damn it, Jackson’. Jackson was quiet as Teresa thought: why would she go on the streets anyway...wasn't she being wooed...oh she wasn't making sense.. she was near marriage..anyway…but there was the rent but Jackson would help her..he had given her money.. She felt Jackson looking at her and he said: ‘What’s wrong…?' ‘I don’t know why I talk about money…and even think of going on the streets…don’t I have Denby…’, Teresa said without thinking. Jackson didn’t seem to understand and he asked: ‘Do you need money for your rent..?’ ‘Jackson, I just need it for my rent..and you’ve helped me…and I’m not that bad..anyway there’s Denby…isn't there?’ ‘Are you his lover..?’ Jackson asked bluntly. ‘Do you mean that if I were his lover..he’ll give me money..no..Jackson he’s not..I said it before..he’s from a different backgtound and all…he wants to marry me…I think..I told you..he likes me.’ ‘Of course, Teresa.. You sound so damn guilty..and do you like this damn Denby then ?’ Teresa looked quickly at him. She felt confused. She wondered quickly where this conversation was going. Jackson sat down suddenly on a bench and looking up at her said: ‘Look Teresa ..I know you are tired…stop talking..I’m going to the public house now…I’ lll go in a minute..' Then he took out some bread to eat. She looked at him and then away and remained standing at the wall. She said: ‘You’re working on the docks…are you deciding to work for an honest ..wage..you know.’ ‘Of course..like you… I want to work for an honest wage...you found the theatre..circumstances…that’s it isn't it..circumstances just drag us down…yes I found some work..I’m not happy..’ Then he was silent and Teresa looked out of the park. She thought suddenly that she hadn't enough money to buy a drink. Then Jackson said: ‘What do you want him for..what do you want them for…this man..and this woman..they are your new friends…you want to use them..’ ‘Of course not.. no..Jackson you're not making sense….' Still she had thought of stealing from Aimee and she didn’t tell Jackson that she planned to take some money the next time she was in Aimee’s rooms. Alot of people came to Aimee's house. Yes she had many friends, artists and all and she could think it was anyone. Then Teresa said looking at Jackson: ‘I’m not using them..Jackson...use Denby..is that it..you must think I’m mad..’ ‘I know Teresa..I’m going now…Lionel is finishing work..so I’ll leave you now…’ Teresa looked at him. She thought suddenly that she should be honest with Jackson and tell him she might take some money from Aimee but she turned away and muttered: ‘I’m tired..I ‘m so tired..', she said leaning against the wall. Jackson was quiet. Then she continued: ‘Walking through the streets with him yesterday.. I really felt he was wooing me.. I think I really felt like a couple...you know..I’m not used to that…I mean you have Nelly now...’ ‘Of course you’re not used to it….but Nelly...that's different..Denby is different..isn't he.’ 'Yes..' Teresa said. 'Nelly is a working girl..', Jackson muttered. Then he said: 'This man...' ‘What’, Teresa stared at him in a confused way. Jackson looked up: 'I don't understand...you need money...' 'You're telling me to steal..' ‘Wait Teresa…it’s always you..I never told you to steal…maybe I did…but if he wants to marry you..then you can wait…can’t you..’ Jackson looked away and then put his hands on his face. He seemed tired and he muttered: 'Shut up Teresa..I’m going for a drink now with lionel.. You come too…I just don’t want to go home to Nelly yet..’ Of course’, Teresa replied. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The following evening, Jackson stood again with Teresa outside the theatre where she worked. Antoinette had just left them. ‘Why are you angry, Jackson, I mean you look angry’, Teresa asked, looking at Jackson who was standing a short distance away from her. ‘I’m not angry..', he replied. There was quiet and he said almost spontaneously and without thinking: ‘I have nothing..' ‘I know you need money Jackson..that’s why I am really grateful for helping me with the rent…and I don’t want to go on the streets..what with ..Denby and all’, she said she looking at him. 'Yes..it's alright...I mean I have nothing..my life...you made me think...you going with Denby and all...' 'What?', Teresa replied quickly. 'No, no..I just feel bad..sad...' 'Are you coming to the pub..’, Jackson asked. ‘I might later..but I said I’d meet him..’, Teresa said. ‘He likes you..does he Teresa..I mean does he really like you?’ Teresa said quickly: ‘Maybe…he seems to..’ Teresa said without thinking. Then she continued: ‘I’m tired.. I don’t feel like talking…’ Jackson looked around and said: 'You should take some money from him...or maybe you have...tell me..' Jackson said raising his head. 'Maybe I might...' Teresa murmured. ‘Of course..Teresa…but I need money too...' 'I'm grateful..Jackson..I told you...' Jackson replied: 'Yes..I know..but look here..look here in this theatre..you can get money here..…you’re too respectable..too damn afraid..what happened to you..do you know how to survive..Teresa…you look from help from me but not from your damn admirer or his damn friends..but you forgot ...you‘re a survivor…aren‘t you…’ ‘You’re not making sense, Jackson..’, Teresa said quickly. Jackson replied: ‘I am making sense..you know so…why am I not making sense then? All I said is you have to learn to survive..I thought you could survive…why can’t you go on the streets.. You want to survive, don't you..and you have this admirer…who might marry you. It’s a better situation than a lot of girls.’ ‘So you think I should marry..’, Teresa said looking at him closely. Jackson had been speaking quickly and almost thoughtlessly but now he slowed down his speech. Suddenly Antoinette was beside them. Jackson looked up at her: 'Should she marry this man..Antoinette...help me...' Jackson said. Antoinette looked at Teresa quickly and Jackson said: ‘What should I tell her..Antoinette. Help me..’. Then Antoinette said: ‘I didn’t know you wanted to marry him…Teresa.’ You say I should marry him’, Teresa replied in a tired way. She seemed to be almost staring at Antoinette and Antoinette saw that the tiredness in Teresa's eyes. They were quiet now and Antoinette said: ‘Are you coming to the public house later, Teresa..’ 'I might...he said he might meet me..' There was silence as Antoinette looked at Teresa. She looked as if she wanted to ask Teresa something. She looked as if she wanted to know something and she said: 'Will you marry then..Teresa...?' ‘I don’t know’, Teresa replied and she looked directly at Jackson. Then Teresa continued: ‘I don’t want to go on the streets.. Jackson..Antoinette’. She looked up at Antoinette who looked into her eyes. Teresa continued: ‘What’s wrong with that?.. I want to…I don’t want to fall again..what’s wrong with that..is there..Antoinette...this is a chance..he likes me...’ Antoinette smiled and said turning to Jackson: ‘Is there Jackson…is there anything wrong with that ?’ Jackson was looking at the ground and didn't seem to hear what she had asked. He said: ‘Wrong with what..’ ‘Wrong with…what…Teresa…', then she stopped and she turned to Teresa and addressed her: 'You want to survive..don’t you..Teresa’, Antoinette asked and she was aware she was asking the same thing as Jackson had. ‘Yes learn to survive again, Teresa…and don’t talk..act like a fool’. Then he rose and began to walk away. He turned and seemed to wait for Antoinette. He saw that Antoinette was sitting down on the bench and he heard the latter ask Teresa, who was standing in front of her: ‘Do you want to marry him..’ ‘I don’t know..’, Teresa replied. Then Jackson approached the two women again. Teresa turned and said: ‘What’s wrong, Jackson?’ Then he said: ‘You’ll never be able to go on stage again…never work again..he won‘t let you..you‘re be a respectable wife..you know..when you marry?’ ‘What do you mean, Jackson?’, Teresa asked quickly.
Copyright © 2008 Joel Ficelle |